[nabs-l] Blindness and body contact

[Cindy Bennett]

Hi,

I totally understand what you mean. It is especially hard for me in
that context; it is probably someone you won't see again, at a happy,
family-oriented event, and done by someone who truely means well.

If it is not that type of context, I will try to move away from the
contact if I can. If it is someone who I know I will interact with
more, or if our conversation continues, and if moving away doesn't
help, then I might just mention that I know they mean well, but that I
am not a super physical person. Or something more eloquent than that.
However, I have had my fair share of experiences when I did not have
the courage to introduce the potentially awkward phrase.

What bothers me the most is that I feel like I have to justify it.
There are some cultures where physical contact is much more frequent
and acceptable than ours, and I get the impression that, considering
our culture,  when interacting with strangers or acquaintances, I get
more physical contact than sighted people. Maybe if someone is pretty
drunk, they will be more "physical," but I do get the feeling that
blindness often has something to do with it even though when someone
gets the social cues that I am not particularly fond of physical
contact, they tend  to justify it with something like, "Oh, I just hug
everyone."

No, they probably don't. I don't think that many people actually do
that. And I do get the sense that they wouldn't talk to a sighted
stranger or acquaintance in a side hug or even qualify their actions
in such a way if they did engage in those behaviors.

Occasionally, I get someone who touches me because they know another
blind person who appreciates it, and very rarely, people touch me to
let me know where they are. Once, this guy at a bar lifted my hand to
touch his face. It was absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. I
definitely called him out for it, and I think he was pretty
embarrassed, as he should have been.

I do see this happening more with children than I do with adults. So
it definitely makes we wonder. And I appreciate the conversation as I
feel that I am often made to feel like a prude when I don't appreciate
someone's "well meaning" physical contact. To me, it is a step further
than the "well meaning" compliments. One's body is an incredibly
personal thing, and I wish more people would respect my preference to
not be touched. Not even to actively respect it as if they are
supposed to know that particular fact about me before engaging in
conversation, but I would appreciate people not assuming that I
somehow need to be touched, or that touching me somehow better conveys
what they want to say or is justifiable because it somehow satisfies
their end of the social interaction.

The only time I appreciate being touched is when I am talking to a
deaf person speaking sign with an interpreter. I want to make sure I
am looking at the person I am speaking to, because I tend to look
toward the voice. So I will often ask the person to indicate where
they are. Shaking their hand helps, but if we don't do that for some
reason or I already know them, it is helpful when they touch my
shoulder.

I had a culture shock when  I visited the Deaf Blind Retreat in
Western Washington this year. Physical contact is very commonplace in
the culture, and I tried my best to respect that, but it was still
very hard to let everyone I met touch me.

Cindy


On 10/14/14, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi all,
> So the feeling faces thread reminded me of something and I'm curious
> what your experiences are with this kind of thing. My sister got
> married last weekend and I gave a toast at her rehearsal dinner and a
> short reading during the ceremony. At the cocktail reception a woman
> approached me and introduced herself as the aunt of my sister's new
> husband. She then went on for a while about how beautiful my speeches
> were. The entire time she had her arm kind of around the side of my
> back and was stroking my shoulder. It made me a bit uncomfortable
> because we had just met and I am not a very touchy-feely person except
> with very close family and friends. This is also not the firsttime
> people I don't know, or barely know, have interacted with me in this
> way. I have always wondered if the touching is somehow because of my
> blindness and if so, why do people feel driven to be so physically
> affectionate with me? Or, is this a typical way people interact, and
> being blind my whole life, I just haven't noticed how other people
> physically interact during conversation? If you guys have experienced
> this sort of thing, how do you usually respond? I'm not talking about
> being grabbed by over-helpful people; I'm talking about people making
> physical (nonsexual) contact during a conversation. And not just the
> occasional shoulder tap, but something more hug-like.
> Best,
> Arielle
>
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-- 
Cindy Bennett
1st Year Ph.D. Student, University of Washington
Human Centered Design and Engineering

Treasurer of the Greater Seattle Chapter and of the National
Federation of the Blind of Washington
Affiliates of the National Federation of the Blind

clb5590 at gmail.com