[nabs-l] Blindness and body contact

Thu Oct 16 15:51:09 UTC 2014

This has happened to me. I was apparently in someone's way, and some guy I didn't know just picked me up and moved me over a few feet. It was very surprising. 

Sent from my iPhone

> On Oct 16, 2014, at 06:26, justin williams via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Keep in mind, that humans are naturally a little more tactual and contact
> oriented than most people want to admit.  I've experienced this as well, but
> not usually to the degree that a woman would.  I usually just remove the
> offender's hand with some subtle martial art technique which has the
> advantage of being both firm and not harmful; not trying to scare, offend,
> or hurt anyone.  A subtle movement of the body or wrist will break their
> grip punctuated with an I'm good or some such like that. I'm okay with
> appropriate touch, but not touch which invades, impedes, or in some way is
> offensive.  My suggestion is to learn to be okay with normal and appropriate
> touch; that is different for everyone.  If you don't like to be touched at
> all, you will offend some well-meaning people; don't do this.  For the
> ladies, especially for those who are small or petite, you can also get
> treated like a child because you are small.  I heard of women who were very
> small being picked up and moved out of the way, and these women were
> sighted.  A self-defense art in this case is invaluable for sliding away
> from someone more easily and for holding your ground.  
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Liliya
> Asadullina via nabs-l
> Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2014 12:59 AM
> To: Jedi Moerke; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Blindness and body contact
> 
> Hi Arielle,
> I have definitely experienced these type of behaviors from sighted folks
> numerous of times.  I believe that the tapping on the shoulder, hand, or
> hugging actions are intended towards us because we can not see their facial
> expressions.  They feel like it is a way to communicate with us in a
> nonverbal fashion.  Since we are not able to see their smile or make direct
> eye contact, they feel like touch is another way to communicate with us.  In
> this type of situation, I usually slowly start to move a small distance from
> them and try to look at them.  This sometime gives them a hint that you
> don't want to be touched in that way.  I agree that It can still be really
> awkward though.  Maybe next time you see that person, mention to her in a
> nice way that it is nothing against her, but you don't like to be touched.
> Or mention it to her once you have gotten to know her better.  There isn't
> really a way to not be a little awkward about it.
> Also, sometimes older people put their arm around others because they are
> just compassionate people.  A lot of international people do the same thing.
> Some people just express themselves through touch.  Just try to go with your
> gut feeling to figure out what the person is intending.
> Hope this helps some.
> Peace,
> Liliya
> 
>> On 10/15/14, Jedi Moerke via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> I think being a woman has a lot to do with it. I have noticed people 
>> are more physically affectionate with women much sooner and a social 
>> relationship than they are with men.
>> 
>> Sent from my iPhone
>> 
>>> On Oct 14, 2014, at 11:51 PM, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l 
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> 
>>> Hi all,
>>> So the feeling faces thread reminded me of something and I'm curious 
>>> what your experiences are with this kind of thing. My sister got 
>>> married last weekend and I gave a toast at her rehearsal dinner and a 
>>> short reading during the ceremony. At the cocktail reception a woman 
>>> approached me and introduced herself as the aunt of my sister's new 
>>> husband. She then went on for a while about how beautiful my speeches 
>>> were. The entire time she had her arm kind of around the side of my 
>>> back and was stroking my shoulder. It made me a bit uncomfortable 
>>> because we had just met and I am not a very touchy-feely person 
>>> except with very close family and friends. This is also not the 
>>> firsttime people I don't know, or barely know, have interacted with 
>>> me in this way. I have always wondered if the touching is somehow 
>>> because of my blindness and if so, why do people feel driven to be so 
>>> physically affectionate with me? Or, is this a typical way people 
>>> interact, and being blind my whole life, I just haven't noticed how 
>>> other people physically interact during conversation? If you guys 
>>> have experienced this sort of thing, how do you usually respond? I'm 
>>> not talking about being grabbed by over-helpful people; I'm talking 
>>> about people making physical (nonsexual) contact during a 
>>> conversation. And not just the occasional shoulder tap, but something
> more hug-like.
>>> Best,
>>> Arielle
>>> 
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>> 
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