[nabs-l] Blindness and body contact

Thu Oct 16 13:26:57 UTC 2014

Keep in mind, that humans are naturally a little more tactual and contact
oriented than most people want to admit.  I've experienced this as well, but
not usually to the degree that a woman would.  I usually just remove the
offender's hand with some subtle martial art technique which has the
advantage of being both firm and not harmful; not trying to scare, offend,
or hurt anyone.  A subtle movement of the body or wrist will break their
grip punctuated with an I'm good or some such like that. I'm okay with
appropriate touch, but not touch which invades, impedes, or in some way is
offensive.  My suggestion is to learn to be okay with normal and appropriate
touch; that is different for everyone.  If you don't like to be touched at
all, you will offend some well-meaning people; don't do this.  For the
ladies, especially for those who are small or petite, you can also get
treated like a child because you are small.  I heard of women who were very
small being picked up and moved out of the way, and these women were
sighted.  A self-defense art in this case is invaluable for sliding away
from someone more easily and for holding your ground.  

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Liliya
Asadullina via nabs-l
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2014 12:59 AM
To: Jedi Moerke; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Blindness and body contact

Hi Arielle,
I have definitely experienced these type of behaviors from sighted folks
numerous of times.  I believe that the tapping on the shoulder, hand, or
hugging actions are intended towards us because we can not see their facial
expressions.  They feel like it is a way to communicate with us in a
nonverbal fashion.  Since we are not able to see their smile or make direct
eye contact, they feel like touch is another way to communicate with us.  In
this type of situation, I usually slowly start to move a small distance from
them and try to look at them.  This sometime gives them a hint that you
don't want to be touched in that way.  I agree that It can still be really
awkward though.  Maybe next time you see that person, mention to her in a
nice way that it is nothing against her, but you don't like to be touched.
Or mention it to her once you have gotten to know her better.  There isn't
really a way to not be a little awkward about it.
Also, sometimes older people put their arm around others because they are
just compassionate people.  A lot of international people do the same thing.
Some people just express themselves through touch.  Just try to go with your
gut feeling to figure out what the person is intending.
Hope this helps some.
Peace,
Liliya

On 10/15/14, Jedi Moerke via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> I think being a woman has a lot to do with it. I have noticed people 
> are more physically affectionate with women much sooner and a social 
> relationship than they are with men.
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>> On Oct 14, 2014, at 11:51 PM, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l 
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> Hi all,
>> So the feeling faces thread reminded me of something and I'm curious 
>> what your experiences are with this kind of thing. My sister got 
>> married last weekend and I gave a toast at her rehearsal dinner and a 
>> short reading during the ceremony. At the cocktail reception a woman 
>> approached me and introduced herself as the aunt of my sister's new 
>> husband. She then went on for a while about how beautiful my speeches 
>> were. The entire time she had her arm kind of around the side of my 
>> back and was stroking my shoulder. It made me a bit uncomfortable 
>> because we had just met and I am not a very touchy-feely person 
>> except with very close family and friends. This is also not the 
>> firsttime people I don't know, or barely know, have interacted with 
>> me in this way. I have always wondered if the touching is somehow 
>> because of my blindness and if so, why do people feel driven to be so 
>> physically affectionate with me? Or, is this a typical way people 
>> interact, and being blind my whole life, I just haven't noticed how 
>> other people physically interact during conversation? If you guys 
>> have experienced this sort of thing, how do you usually respond? I'm 
>> not talking about being grabbed by over-helpful people; I'm talking 
>> about people making physical (nonsexual) contact during a 
>> conversation. And not just the occasional shoulder tap, but something
more hug-like.
>> Best,
>> Arielle
>>
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