[nabs-l] family problems dealing with blindness

Fri Jun 5 12:56:37 UTC 2015

Andrew,
I totally know what you are going through.
I've been through something similar.
Contact me off-list if you need someone to talk to.
Quickest email to reach me: Lily1127 at me.com

Lily

On 6/3/15, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi Andrew. Sounds like you are going through a difficult situation.
> Know that you are not alone and there are many blind young adults who
> have experienced similar issues. I have been living away from my
> parents' home since I began college at age 18, and living in a
> separate state from them since age 23. While I have a good (not
> perfect) relationship with my folks now, I think if I had to live in
> their home things would be much worse, for reasons similar to what you
> have described. I agree with Bridget that as a legal adult, you could
> benefit greatly from finding a separate living arrangement, especially
> if you can also move to an area with better public transit, job
> opportunities, etc. I would recommend making a written plan for steps
> you can take to find a new living situation, such as college
> admission, finding a job or even living with a friend or relative who
> supports your autonomy. You may want to enlist support from a rehab
> counselor or perhaps even a social worker or mental health counselor
> to find out what your living options are. Then, calmly present your
> plan to your parents (perhaps in writing). Hopefully they will support
> your decision to move out on your own.
> Arielle
>
>
> On 6/3/15, Bridget Walker via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Here's my take on your situation. You are legally an adult at 18. Your
>> parents no longer have legal obligation to provide for you once you reach
>> the age of 21. You are fully responsible for your life and have all of
>> the
>> rights afforded to you as any other adult. You are 28 years old. You are
>> a
>> legal adult. I'm hoping I'm not the first to tell you that.
>> To be honest, I would get myself out of such a situation. You do not have
>> to
>> live in that environment. You can leave if you so choose. I don't believe
>> your parents are going to change their rules or expectations. You have to
>> step up and create your own opportunities.
>> I don't know what your living situation is but, I do know if it is really
>> that bad you can get out of it. If you feel for whatever reason you are
>> not
>> ready to live independently there are programs and organizations that can
>> help you.
>> Based on the information you provided, I do not see your current
>> situation
>> improving.
>> I'm sorry I'm quite direct in my response. I hope you find a solution
>> that
>> works for you.
>> Bridget
>>
>> Sent from my iPad
>>
>>> On Jun 3, 27 Heisei, at 6:15 AM, Mabelin Ramirez via nabs-l
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>>> On Jun 2, 2015, at 11:25, Alana Leonhardy via nabs-l
>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> First, you mentioned that you're 28. But are your parents still your
>>>> legal guardians? If they are, they can still set rules and expect you
>>>> to
>>>> follow them. Even if they're not, it sounds as though you're living
>>>> with
>>>> them still; so they still make the rules of the house. Do either of
>>>> your
>>>> parents hit you, push you, or anything like that? Or do they call you
>>>> names and insult you?
>>>> I understand being frustrated with parents treating you differently
>>>> because of blindness. If you have any friends who aren't family
>>>> members,
>>>> it can help to vent to them.
>>>>
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>
>>>>> On Jun 2, 2015, at 07:52, andrew edgcumbe via nabs-l
>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi all  I  just have been having family difficaulties i have
>>>>> documented
>>>>> them as a whole it may not look blindness right away but i get into
>>>>> that
>>>>> later in the message though.
>>>>>
>>>>> this happened a month ago in april this happened. but anyway my
>>>>> parents
>>>>> and i got into bit of a cafuffal and things. i got bit jumpy or
>>>>> whatever
>>>>> but that is all but anyway my dad all of a sudden tells me to get out
>>>>> of
>>>>> the room very sternly. anyway i did not leave the room but anyway he
>>>>> then
>>>>> threatened to call the police on me. i still did not leave the room
>>>>> until
>>>>> he said he ment what he said about that threat. this was couple hours
>>>>> before i was going out with a close friend. but anyway when she came
>>>>> just
>>>>> before we left my mom said my dad wanted to talk to my friend. We just
>>>>> told
>>>>> her we did not have time to talk and we left she said she had a gut
>>>>> instinct that something was not right or was going to happen or
>>>>> something
>>>>> like that before she got to my place i was just pretty scared my
>>>>> friend
>>>>> said she couldn't blame me for being scared as she would be to if that
>>>>> was
>>>>> said to her. I felt everything from a evil presence to anything else
>>>>> in
>>>>> that house. My dad can be the type who does raise his voice and shut
>>>>> people
>>>>> down instead of listening to them things like that. I been babied and
>>>>> things by my parents and things. my dad treats me like a kid just his
>>>>> tone
>>>>> of voice when he asks things do you know what a porcky pine is for
>>>>> example
>>>>> it was like he tells me stuff i already know. my parents tend to treat
>>>>> me
>>>>> like i have a disability and things i will state here that i don't
>>>>> consider
>>>>> blindness a disability only an impairment. but my parents treat me
>>>>> like
>>>>> i
>>>>> can't do anything and things like that he tends to concentrate on
>>>>> blindness
>>>>> both parents do that is and does not think on the abilities. my
>>>>> parents
>>>>> are
>>>>> just very controlling when it comes to these things and it just gets
>>>>> me
>>>>> down and things. he has said to me when i told him to stop treat me
>>>>> like
>>>>> a
>>>>> blind man his return fraise is this well you are blind and things like
>>>>> that. again i don't consider blindness a disability i consider it an
>>>>> impairment only. i just end up feeling very discouraged and feeling
>>>>> down
>>>>> and things like that. i end up feeling hopless and i feel like i am
>>>>> very
>>>>> iceolated and i feel very trapped at home as i am not aloud to do what
>>>>> i
>>>>> want to do and things. i just am very tired of my parents in fact i
>>>>> feel
>>>>> down because of being so trapped and things. my parents don't listen
>>>>> or
>>>>> anything to me and when i tell somebody mom or dad how i feel they
>>>>> snap
>>>>> back at me very quickly that is why i can't go to them.  I am finding
>>>>> that
>>>>> they have their set way of what they want to do or want me to do for
>>>>> example things like that.  I am 28 years old there has been things i
>>>>> feel
>>>>> that have not been shown to me my parents are not grounded in  nfb
>>>>> philosaphy they may say a blind person is capable   on the other end
>>>>> there
>>>>> is this mind set they are not showing me that not showing me that i am
>>>>> capable.   I know everybody has not been through these type of
>>>>> experiences
>>>>> but there seems to be fair number that have had trouble with parents
>>>>> that
>>>>> are in the blind community.
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>> I hope your issue gets fixed soon.
>>> My best regards.
>>> I'm still under guardianship myself.
>>>
>>>
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>
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