[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

[minh ha]

Kaiti,

I'm not sure what you are afraid of happening if you simply tell this
guy that you are not interested when he approaches you. Disability or
no, as a woman, you have the right to protect yourself in any way you
deem acceptable. Perhaps you don't want to cause waves with this
individual since he goes to school there and attends your events, but
I think there is a nice and polite way of telling someone that you do
not wish to converse with them but still imparts the message that you
are not comfortable.

Minh



On 10/19/15, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but the
> situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started pestering a
> friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since we've started a
> disability organization and have been seen together and he saw my cane
> he's now starting to do it to me.  Apparently he has some neurological
> problems that are supposedly controled, but the odd behavior isn't
> something that we're aware of that can be related to seizure
> disorders.  He has admitted to my friend that he has a thing for girls
> with disabilities, and since meeting her has been fascinated by blind
> chicks.  It was a little disturbing to me when he started sending me
> really forward facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and when I
> asked her about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him as
> "Her stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, which
> she did.  He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's so far
> been successful in just ignoring him or not giving information, and
> she certainly made it known that she does not return the liking he
> says he has for her, but I still am creeped out a bit by the pattern
> of going after blind chicks.  Obviously I haven't given him any
> information and have mostly ignored his messages he's been sending me,
> but I'm a little hesitant to just block him because he'll probably
> show up to the club meetings now that he knows about them.
>
> I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to back
> off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who is fairly
> identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is unable to see him
> coming I don't know if that is the best approach or not.  He hasn't
> done anything at this point that is reportable, so I don't quite know
> what the best approach would be.  I am pretty creeped out how he
> targets disabled women and blind women in particular now, but that
> isn't a crime in and of itself.  Thankfully I had class the time when
> he showed up to our table hours for our awareness week on campus, and
> he didn't show up to the described movie night we just had like he
> said he was going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for another
> organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an excuse
> to leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by the idea of
> this dude showing up and being weird with my friend and I while we're
> trying to get work done, or meeting me in person and making it harder
> for him to miss me when I'm going about my business on campus.
>
> Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people
> before in the few instances where they have sent me strange facebook
> chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a sighted dude on my
> campus who is going after a specific disability is really creepy to me
> and I do not feel comfortable about it.  Advice?  Also, I do
> understand that this topic kind of verges on adult conversations, but
> please keep your responses G or PG as I do not intend to break any
> list guidelines and nothing grossly inappropriate has happened here.
>
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-- 
Minh Ha
Boston College | Lynch School of Education '16
minh.ha927 at gmail.com

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty
recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity:
but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on
their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible." T. E. Lawrence