[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

[Elizabeth Mohnke]

Hello Kaiti,

I am sorry to hear this guy is making you and your friend feel
uncomfortable. Since seizures are generally a neurological disorder, it may
be possible he does not fully understand his actions may be inappropriate or
makes you and your friend feel uncomfortable.

If I were in your situation, I would team up with your friend and sit down
and talk to him in a place that is public where you can have a more private
conversation with him. For added security, you could let some other friends
know that you are doing this, and have them nearby in case anything goes
wrong. Tell him that he is making you and your friend feel uncomfortable,
and then provide the specific things he is doing or saying that is making
you feel uncomfortable. If you are interested in being friends with him,
state what you are willing to accept as a casual friend. For example,
perhaps he could attend the disability meetings as long as the conversation
remains friendly. Or perhaps you may be willing to chat with him on Facebook
provided that the conversation is simply friendly. Since different people
may have different definitions of what is considered friendly, you may wish
to provide specific examples of what you consider appropriate and
inappropriate as a casual friend.

If this is not something you feel comfortable doing on your own, then I
would suggest talking to someone from counseling services to help facilitate
a conversation with him. Reporting a true stalker to the appropriate
authorities can often make the situation worse, and I would not recommend
this as the first course of action. However, in this case, if you were to
report this situation to the appropriate authorities such as campus police,
it may leave someone like him with a neurological disorder wondering what he
may have done wrong. It could be that he is simply trying to reach out to
other people with disabilities since he has a disability himself, and is
just simply going about it in the wrong way. If his seizures are caused by a
traumatic brain injury, it is possible he may also have some vision
problems, and this could explain his fascination with blindness. So perhaps
taking the time to understand his situation may help you to feel more at
ease in interacting with him.

Warm regards,
Elizabeth  

 



-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton
via nabs-l
Sent: Monday, October 19, 2015 12:42 AM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com>
Subject: [nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

Hi all,

I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but the situation
is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started pestering a friend of mine who
is also blind on campus, and since we've started a disability organization
and have been seen together and he saw my cane he's now starting to do it to
me.  Apparently he has some neurological problems that are supposedly
controled, but the odd behavior isn't something that we're aware of that can
be related to seizure disorders.  He has admitted to my friend that he has a
thing for girls with disabilities, and since meeting her has been fascinated
by blind chicks.  It was a little disturbing to me when he started sending
me really forward facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and when I
asked her about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him as "Her
stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, which she did.
He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's so far been successful
in just ignoring him or not giving information, and she certainly made it
known that she does not return the liking he says he has for her, but I
still am creeped out a bit by the pattern of going after blind chicks.
Obviously I haven't given him any information and have mostly ignored his
messages he's been sending me, but I'm a little hesitant to just block him
because he'll probably show up to the club meetings now that he knows about
them.

I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to back off and
leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who is fairly identifyable as
the only one with a cane and who is unable to see him coming I don't know if
that is the best approach or not.  He hasn't done anything at this point
that is reportable, so I don't quite know what the best approach would be.
I am pretty creeped out how he targets disabled women and blind women in
particular now, but that isn't a crime in and of itself.  Thankfully I had
class the time when he showed up to our table hours for our awareness week
on campus, and he didn't show up to the described movie night we just had
like he said he was going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for another
organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an excuse to
leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by the idea of this dude
showing up and being weird with my friend and I while we're trying to get
work done, or meeting me in person and making it harder for him to miss me
when I'm going about my business on campus.

Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people before in
the few instances where they have sent me strange facebook chats or what
have you, but the fact that this is a sighted dude on my campus who is going
after a specific disability is really creepy to me and I do not feel
comfortable about it.  Advice?  Also, I do understand that this topic kind
of verges on adult conversations, but please keep your responses G or PG as
I do not intend to break any list guidelines and nothing grossly
inappropriate has happened here.

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