[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

Mon Oct 19 21:53:22 UTC 2015

Good afternoon, Elizabeth, and other interesteds,

Granted, sometimes setting up a situation to serve your better 
success is a good idea.
Car09:35 AM 10/19/2015, Littlefield, Tyler via nabs-l wrote:
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>Carly,
>While I usually agree with your tone and posts, I don't get this one.
>You basically say that this solution might appeal to you if life were
>able to be planned, but there's nothing wrong with setting things up
>so that you can get the results you want. Might you be interested in
>explaining?
>On 10/19/2015 12:20 PM, Carly Mihalakis via nabs-l wrote:
> > Morning, Elizabeth, and other interesteds,
> >
> > These suggestions might appeal to you if, for example, it makes you
> > feel good to know that every single striation of people's
> > interactions are planned, predictable and above all, safe.
> > According to my personal vision,  however, real life has the
> > potential of being really sticky, not certain and potentially a
> > little gnarly. In my opinion, this very truth is what makes life so
> > goddam engaging and stimulating as you seek its traversinge. 07 AM
> > 10/19/2015, Elizabeth Mohnke via nabs-l wrote:
> >> Hello Kaiti,
> >>
> >> I am sorry to hear this guy is making you and your friend feel
> >> uncomfortable. Since seizures are generally a neurological
> >> disorder, it may be possible he does not fully understand his
> >> actions may be inappropriate or makes you and your friend feel
> >> uncomfortable.
> >>
> >> If I were in your situation, I would team up with your friend and
> >> sit down and talk to him in a place that is public where you can
> >> have a more private conversation with him. For added security,
> >> you could let some other friends know that you are doing this,
> >> and have them nearby in case anything goes wrong. Tell him that
> >> he is making you and your friend feel uncomfortable, and then
> >> provide the specific things he is doing or saying that is making
> >> you feel uncomfortable. If you are interested in being friends
> >> with him, state what you are willing to accept as a casual
> >> friend. For example, perhaps he could attend the disability
> >> meetings as long as the conversation remains friendly. Or perhaps
> >> you may be willing to chat with him on Facebook provided that the
> >> conversation is simply friendly. Since different people may have
> >> different definitions of what is considered friendly, you may
> >> wish to provide specific examples of what you consider
> >> appropriate and inappropriate as a casual friend.
> >>
> >> If this is not something you feel comfortable doing on your own,
> >> then I would suggest talking to someone from counseling services
> >> to help facilitate a conversation with him. Reporting a true
> >> stalker to the appropriate authorities can often make the
> >> situation worse, and I would not recommend this as the first
> >> course of action. However, in this case, if you were to report
> >> this situation to the appropriate authorities such as campus
> >> police, it may leave someone like him with a neurological
> >> disorder wondering what he may have done wrong. It could be that
> >> he is simply trying to reach out to other people with
> >> disabilities since he has a disability himself, and is just
> >> simply going about it in the wrong way. If his seizures are
> >> caused by a traumatic brain injury, it is possible he may also
> >> have some vision problems, and this could explain his fascination
> >> with blindness. So perhaps taking the time to understand his
> >> situation may help you to feel more at ease in interacting with
> >> him.
> >>
> >> Warm regards, Elizabeth
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> -----Original Message----- From: nabs-l
> >> [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton via
> >> nabs-l Sent: Monday, October 19, 2015 12:42 AM To: National
> >> Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> >> Cc: Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com> Subject: [nabs-l]
> >> How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people
> >>
> >> Hi all,
> >>
> >> I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but
> >> the situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started
> >> pestering a friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since
> >> we've started a disability organization and have been seen
> >> together and he saw my cane he's now starting to do it to me.
> >> Apparently he has some neurological problems that are supposedly
> >> controled, but the odd behavior isn't something that we're aware
> >> of that can be related to seizure disorders.  He has admitted to
> >> my friend that he has a thing for girls with disabilities, and
> >> since meeting her has been fascinated by blind chicks.  It was a
> >> little disturbing to me when he started sending me really forward
> >> facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and when I asked her
> >> about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him as "Her
> >> stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, which
> >> she did. He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's so
> >> far been successful in just ignoring him or not giving
> >> information, and she certainly made it known that she does not
> >> return the liking he says he has for her, but I still am creeped
> >> out a bit by the pattern of going after blind chicks. Obviously I
> >> haven't given him any information and have mostly ignored his
> >> messages he's been sending me, but I'm a little hesitant to just
> >> block him because he'll probably show up to the club meetings now
> >> that he knows about them.
> >>
> >> I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to
> >> back off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who
> >> is fairly identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is
> >> unable to see him coming I don't know if that is the best
> >> approach or not.  He hasn't done anything at this point that is
> >> reportable, so I don't quite know what the best approach would
> >> be. I am pretty creeped out how he targets disabled women and
> >> blind women in particular now, but that isn't a crime in and of
> >> itself.  Thankfully I had class the time when he showed up to our
> >> table hours for our awareness week on campus, and he didn't show
> >> up to the described movie night we just had like he said he was
> >> going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for another
> >> organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an
> >> excuse to leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by
> >> the idea of this dude showing up and being weird with my friend
> >> and I while we're trying to get work done, or meeting me in
> >> person and making it harder for him to miss me when I'm going
> >> about my business on campus.
> >>
> >> Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people
> >> before in the few instances where they have sent me strange
> >> facebook chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a
> >> sighted dude on my campus who is going after a specific
> >> disability is really creepy to me and I do not feel comfortable
> >> about it.  Advice?  Also, I do understand that this topic kind of
> >> verges on adult conversations, but please keep your responses G
> >> or PG as I do not intend to break any list guidelines and nothing
> >> grossly inappropriate has happened here.
> >>
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> >>
> >>
> >>
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> >
> >
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>- --
> >
>Take care,
>Ty
>twitter: @sorressean
>web:http://tysdomain.com
>pubkey: http://tysdomain.com/files/pubkey.asc
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