[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

Mon Oct 19 16:35:25 UTC 2015

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Carly,
While I usually agree with your tone and posts, I don't get this one.
You basically say that this solution might appeal to you if life were
able to be planned, but there's nothing wrong with setting things up
so that you can get the results you want. Might you be interested in
explaining?
On 10/19/2015 12:20 PM, Carly Mihalakis via nabs-l wrote:
> Morning, Elizabeth, and other interesteds,
> 
> These suggestions might appeal to you if, for example, it makes you
> feel good to know that every single striation of people's
> interactions are planned, predictable and above all, safe.
> According to my personal vision,  however, real life has the
> potential of being really sticky, not certain and potentially a
> little gnarly. In my opinion, this very truth is what makes life so
> goddam engaging and stimulating as you seek its traversinge. 07 AM
> 10/19/2015, Elizabeth Mohnke via nabs-l wrote:
>> Hello Kaiti,
>> 
>> I am sorry to hear this guy is making you and your friend feel 
>> uncomfortable. Since seizures are generally a neurological
>> disorder, it may be possible he does not fully understand his
>> actions may be inappropriate or makes you and your friend feel
>> uncomfortable.
>> 
>> If I were in your situation, I would team up with your friend and
>> sit down and talk to him in a place that is public where you can
>> have a more private conversation with him. For added security,
>> you could let some other friends know that you are doing this,
>> and have them nearby in case anything goes wrong. Tell him that
>> he is making you and your friend feel uncomfortable, and then
>> provide the specific things he is doing or saying that is making 
>> you feel uncomfortable. If you are interested in being friends
>> with him, state what you are willing to accept as a casual
>> friend. For example, perhaps he could attend the disability
>> meetings as long as the conversation remains friendly. Or perhaps
>> you may be willing to chat with him on Facebook provided that the
>> conversation is simply friendly. Since different people may have
>> different definitions of what is considered friendly, you may 
>> wish to provide specific examples of what you consider
>> appropriate and inappropriate as a casual friend.
>> 
>> If this is not something you feel comfortable doing on your own,
>> then I would suggest talking to someone from counseling services
>> to help facilitate a conversation with him. Reporting a true
>> stalker to the appropriate authorities can often make the
>> situation worse, and I would not recommend this as the first
>> course of action. However, in this case, if you were to report
>> this situation to the appropriate authorities such as campus 
>> police, it may leave someone like him with a neurological
>> disorder wondering what he may have done wrong. It could be that
>> he is simply trying to reach out to other people with
>> disabilities since he has a disability himself, and is just
>> simply going about it in the wrong way. If his seizures are 
>> caused by a traumatic brain injury, it is possible he may also
>> have some vision problems, and this could explain his fascination
>> with blindness. So perhaps taking the time to understand his
>> situation may help you to feel more at ease in interacting with
>> him.
>> 
>> Warm regards, Elizabeth
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message----- From: nabs-l
>> [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti Shelton via
>> nabs-l Sent: Monday, October 19, 2015 12:42 AM To: National
>> Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> 
>> Cc: Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com> Subject: [nabs-l]
>> How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people
>> 
>> Hi all,
>> 
>> I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but
>> the situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started
>> pestering a friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since
>> we've started a disability organization and have been seen
>> together and he saw my cane he's now starting to do it to me.
>> Apparently he has some neurological problems that are supposedly 
>> controled, but the odd behavior isn't something that we're aware
>> of that can be related to seizure disorders.  He has admitted to
>> my friend that he has a thing for girls with disabilities, and
>> since meeting her has been fascinated by blind chicks.  It was a
>> little disturbing to me when he started sending me really forward
>> facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and when I asked her
>> about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him as "Her 
>> stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, which
>> she did. He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's so
>> far been successful in just ignoring him or not giving
>> information, and she certainly made it known that she does not
>> return the liking he says he has for her, but I still am creeped
>> out a bit by the pattern of going after blind chicks. Obviously I
>> haven't given him any information and have mostly ignored his 
>> messages he's been sending me, but I'm a little hesitant to just
>> block him because he'll probably show up to the club meetings now
>> that he knows about them.
>> 
>> I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to
>> back off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who
>> is fairly identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is
>> unable to see him coming I don't know if that is the best
>> approach or not.  He hasn't done anything at this point that is
>> reportable, so I don't quite know what the best approach would 
>> be. I am pretty creeped out how he targets disabled women and
>> blind women in particular now, but that isn't a crime in and of
>> itself.  Thankfully I had class the time when he showed up to our
>> table hours for our awareness week on campus, and he didn't show
>> up to the described movie night we just had like he said he was
>> going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for another 
>> organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an
>> excuse to leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by
>> the idea of this dude showing up and being weird with my friend
>> and I while we're trying to get work done, or meeting me in
>> person and making it harder for him to miss me when I'm going
>> about my business on campus.
>> 
>> Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people 
>> before in the few instances where they have sent me strange
>> facebook chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a
>> sighted dude on my campus who is going after a specific
>> disability is really creepy to me and I do not feel comfortable
>> about it.  Advice?  Also, I do understand that this topic kind of
>> verges on adult conversations, but please keep your responses G
>> or PG as I do not intend to break any list guidelines and nothing
>> grossly inappropriate has happened here.
>> 
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>>
>>
>> 
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>
>> 
> 
> 
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Take care,
Ty
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