[nabs-l] I have a fear that I've lost confidence in myself.

Mon Jul 4 23:00:38 UTC 2016

Hi Maria and all,

I've never been to an NFB center-or any training center for that
matter, but I've had to learn a lot of independent living skills on my
own through trial and error.  Much of this learning happened when I
was living away from home because in my home my parents were
unintentionally sheltering me a bit from learning what I needed to
know.  I think that although this is a very frustrating situation for
us as blind people trying to gain independence, it is important to
remember that as misguided as these actions are they are
well-intended.

Justin is exactly right about starting with baby steps.  Maybe if
sandwitches or salads are too small for your taste you could do
something else simple enough to make.  For me in my sophomore year it
was grilled cheeses on the stove top since I had never really used it
before.  Start practicing when she's out and unable to get in your way
or stop you.  If you do it at times when she'll be gone for longer,
you'll have the freedom to also make any mistakes and learn from them,
refresh on your center training without feeling rushed, etc.

One thing I did once I felt more comfortable with food prep at school
was start showing my family what I could do.  I found that even if mom
called while I was cooking chicken for dinner or dad knew I was
picking up stuff at the store to make a dish for a party that they
didn't see or taste my cooking for themselves.  They only really
stopped badgering me about cooking after I just took over the kitchen
a few times and produced food with good results.  I still take
advantage of them being out of the house sometimes to do this, but
when they come home to discover a pan of fresh brownies on the stove
and see that I haven't burned myself or singed anything in our house,
they just enjoy the food like they would if my sighted brother or
sister had made it.  Maybe you can just decide to make the dinner for
you and your mom one night so she doesn't have to cook it when she
comes home.  I'm sure that would come across as a nice gesture at the
least, and it would be a way to get your foot in the door to cook more
regularly.  I think sometimes our families need to see we can do
things without them because our whole lives, especially if they're our
parents, they have been used to doing things for us.

That being said, I can empathize with how confidence can ebb and flow.
For me it is very frustrating living in my parents house over the
summer because I'm very cut off from public transportation in my part
of town.  I'm even outside of paratransit zoning for my city, so I
have no way to independently leave my suburb unless I take an Oober.
I do much better at my college where I can use a combination of fixed
route bussing, university shuttles, and paratransit or oober to get
around, but at some points I just feel like I have cabin fever/can't
go anywhere really because I'm so cut off back at home.  I get my
parents were more concerned with the schools and the neighborhood when
we moved where we are and I was too young for them to think about me
independently traveling much of anywhere, but sometimes I wish they
would have taken the bus lines into consideration.  I know my
neighborhood well enough to walk to a convenience store/a few
restaurants/places like a playground and the library, but especially
since we're right off a highway exit that's about all there is.

Good luck!

On 7/2/16, justin via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Right, but just get your rhythm back.  Then, when you have sated your
> appatite, then take your time and practice.
> Give yourself a little breathing room.
>  Maybe you can practice when she is not around.
>  Justin
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NABS-L [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mariya
> Vasileva
> via NABS-L
> Sent: Sunday, July 03, 2016 10:09 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Mariya Vasileva <mkvnfb94 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] I have a fear that I've lost confidence in myself.
>
>
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>> On Jul 2, 2016, at 09:12, justin via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> Start with baby steps first.  Make a sandwitch, or make a shake. Get a
>> braille cookbook.
>> You'll get to experiment more when you get out on your own.
>> Use a crock pot and cook something in that.
>> Wash off a sweet potato,  and heat it in the microwave.
>> Those are just a few ideas.
>> Make it easy, you want layups and slam dunks right now; make it easy
>> on yourself and don't cook something involved.
>> Justin
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: NABS-L [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mariya
>> Vasileva via NABS-L
>> Sent: Saturday, July 02, 2016 5:33 PM
>> To: sandragayer7 at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students
>> mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Mariya Vasileva <mkvnfb94 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] I have a fear that I've lost confidence in myself.
>>
>>
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>>> On Jul 2, 2016, at 14:32, Sandra Gayer via NABS-L
>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Hello Mariya, You're not the only visually impaired person to feel
>>> like that in new surroundings. With me, it's mobility. That's always
>>> the most difficult piece of the puzzle to acquire in a new building
>>> or living space. Did you make notes during your training about ways
>>> of conducting yourself which would transfer over to different
>>> cookers, for example?
>>>
>>> You know what they say about confidence? Just pretend you've got some
>>> for a bit and something will spark!
>>>
>>> Very best wishes,
>>> Sandra.
>>>
>>>> On 7/2/16, Mariya Vasileva via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>> Hi all. Let me start off by saying that I am a proud graduate of
>>>> blind
>> inc!
>>>> With that being said, I am proud of the skills and confidence I've
>>>> gained. I do believe though, I've lost some of that confidence since
>>>> my graduation due to the business of college. Spacifically in the
>>>> area of cooking, ever my mom came came to live with me, I've relied
>>>> on her for this, and that's part of my issue. But is that really it?
>>>> I feel like I'm starting from scratch like my training was worthless.
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>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Soprano Singer
>>> www.sandragayer.com
>>>
>>> Broadcast Presenter
>>>
>>> www.insightradio.co.uk/music-box.html
>>>
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>>> om
>> No, I didn't. I focused on my studies over the last year, and I didn't
>> do much cooking. When I recently got in to it, I've done mistakes then
>> fully focused production, which leads me to believe this. Plus, I feel
>> like my mom is  giving me the impression that my training was worthless.
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>> om
> The thing is, I've done all that in training, it's just when I dove in to
> my
> classes and my mom came to live with me, I slacked. Now, I'm cutting not
> straight, saute meat like as if it's my first time, wrap something in dough
> with much more mistake than done right, I light a gas stove and apparently
> only get just gas and not flame on low and fkr all this, I get criticised
> and lectured for all this like it's my first time. And to top it all off, I
> vet told that my training was worthless and that while there, I didn't have
> a cooking class.
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-- 
Kaiti Shelton