[nabs-l] Dealing with Unreasonable Parents

[Rahul Bajaj]

Hi Everyone,

I hope this message finds you well.
At the outset, let me clarify that this question may or may not have
anything to do with my own personal experiences, so I'd appreciate it
if the aim of the conversation could be to understand this phenomenon
in general terms as opposed to focusing too much on my own situation.

While a lot of us focus on the importance of sensitizing various
stakeholders, such as employers, academic institutions and others
about the capabilities of the disabled, few focus on the
discrimination that the disabled face in their own homes due to the
view that their own family has about their capabilities or potential.
More specifically, if one has a parent who is unwilling to learn from
the experiences of other blind people and give their disabled child
the freedom that we all deserve, to what extent should one follow what
such a parent says?
Further, while safety is doubtless important, if the disabled person
has the requisite maturity to ascertain if they will be safe in a
given environment, should they act as per their own assessment or
follow what their parent is saying, in the fear of alienating them?
I think there are many emotional forces at play in a family setting
that may not be involved in other settings. For instance, one often
hears of parents emotionally blackmailing their children into acting
the way they want without recognizing that this may not be in the
child's best interest.
Finally, what makes the situation worse is the fact that the external
world [friends and wellwishers] is also often apprehensive to
interfere in these matters on behalf of the disabled person on the
ground that this is an internal family matter, so that makes it
significantly harder for the disabled person to fully assert
himself/herself.

If any of you have dealt with the above, I'd be curious to know what
you think about these issues.
I am mindful of the fact that not many people would be open to
discussing this on a public forum, so please feel free to mail me
off-list about this. Further, not many may see this as a problem,
given how  accustomed they are to succumbing to their parents' wishes,
no matter how uninformed and inappropriate those wishes may be.

Best,
Rahul