[nagdu] question

[Buddy Brannan]

On Feb 21, 2009, at 10:31 AM, Allison Nastoff wrote:

> .  In the case of a cute boy, I have not met anyone I would want to  
> go out with yet.  But if I did, it would be easy enough to show him  
> in advance of a date, how to guide me.  If he was not enough of a  
> gentleman to guide me, I'd dump him.  (Just kidding).

I hope you are kidding. Actually I sincerely hope you make the whole  
statement, above, at least partly in jest.

OK, so let's say you meet this cute boy that you'd like to go out  
with. Then what? Let's suppose further that he asks you out, or, since  
this is the double zeros, you ask him out and he accepts. He's seen  
you out and about with your dog, and he is attracted not only by your  
striking good looks and winning personality, not to mention he likes  
doggie slobber, but he likes strong, independent women who can stand  
on their own six feet. You agree to go on your first date somewhere  
that, in your judgment of the situation, you deem inappropriate to  
take your dog. So what then? For whatever reason, you decide that  
you're not going to take your cane, either, seeing as how you'll be  
with your sighted date (well, we presume he's sighted, anyway, for the  
sake of this particular argument). You teach him the finer points of  
sighted guide, a crash course that takes all of, what, five minutes.  
It's a bit like Othello: a minute to learn, a lifetime to master, right?

So what's your new friend going to think now?

Could be I'm way off base here. Betcha a cold cheeseburger someone  
will disagree with me. But would that cute boy, attracted to your  
independence and ability to stand on your own six feet be similarly  
attracted if the first thing you do on a date is tell him that you  
aren't? Put aside for the moment the question of whether this is the  
reality or not. Perception is reality. In his mind, you just can't get  
along without your dog, after all, here you're relying on your date  
100% to perform the duties your dog might have otherwise performed.  
That sets up a fairly unequal partnership. While it's true that there  
are men (and women) who look for such unequal partnerships, whether  
because they have a need to be needed or enjoy the control or  
whatever, is that the sort of relationship *you* want to be in? I,  
personally, do not. And I suspect that such a setup of an unequal sort  
of relationship would not set well with the sort of guy who is  
attracted to strong women who can stand on their own six feet.

Lest you think I exaggerate the point, let me tell you a story.

My wife Melanie was engaged to be married. As it turns out, the guy  
was actually a schmuck and she broke it off. Well, Melanie has a rare  
genetic condition, which results in lots of physical problems, as well  
as a very limited visual field. At one point, so she tells me, she was  
talking to her former fiance about the ramifications of how her  
condition might degenerate. Oh, well, if she were in a wheelchair,  
sure, he'd push her around. But if she went blind, well then. They may  
as well not get married, because he sure wasn't going to lead her  
around. Strange but true.