[nagdu] [buddy-l] Goodbye My Lovely

Tue Jul 14 13:24:21 UTC 2009

Don't you mean Darwin? 

________________________________

From: buddy-l at yahoogroups.com [mailto:buddy-l at yahoogroups.com] On Behalf
Of Brian Olesen
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 6:12 PM
To: common-lounge at googlegroups.com; doggie-den at yahoogroups.com;
buddy-l at yahoogroups.com; gsdguides at yahoogroups.com; NAGDU Mailing
List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users; Meghan Whalen
Subject: Re: [buddy-l] Goodbye My Lovely

Hi, Meghan 
what a lovely post!
I'm very touched by this!

Before you put too much blaim on yourself just remember one thing.
You can't rescue the intire world. When a dog reacts with too much
aggression in this world it just can't go on that way.
Even though you really love this dog it's agression will put too much
harm and sorry on too many other individuals.
so survival for the fittest as good old winston chirchil said. :-)

I know this is a hard one to swallow, but it's the truth.

Best regards
Brian

----- Original Message ----- 
From: Meghan Whalen 
To: common-lounge at googlegroups.com
<mailto:common-lounge%40googlegroups.com>  ; doggie-den at yahoogroups.com
<mailto:doggie-den%40yahoogroups.com>  ; buddy-l at yahoogroups.com
<mailto:buddy-l%40yahoogroups.com>  ; gsdguides at yahoogroups.com
<mailto:gsdguides%40yahoogroups.com>  ; NAGDU Mailing List,the National
Association of Guide Dog Users 
Sent: Tuesday, July 14, 2009 12:00 AM
Subject: [buddy-l] Goodbye My Lovely

The below text was written about two weeks ago, below that, you will
find an update from today. I don't have words.

Jade will be going to live with someone else. I don't know who yet. She
attacked Snickers, again. She does this whenever I am not home and
someone else is here caring for the dogs. I cannot deal with it. It is
not fare to Snickers for him to be afraid all of the time. I don't know
why it happens. I am too tired of this. She has punctures on her face
from him defending himself. He is shakey and clingy and super insecure
now. This dog as been scared and hurt too many times in his life.

I love Jade to death. It will kill me to let her go, but I know this is
not safe for anybody. She still has separation anxiety, but I had
decided I would deal with that. Every day, when I get home, she has
releived in the house, and I clean it up right when I get home. It is
stressful and a pain, but I was willing to do that so she could be a
part of my life. It looks like it is not safe to keep her. This is what
I get for writing such an optimistic post about her the other day. So,
four years to the day after I got her, I found out I will have to let
her go. I am so broken that I think I am out of words.

And now, the update.

I've been gone for the last ten days. I was at NFB convention, then I
worked at a fair selling pizza. I'm so tired. On Thursday, I found out
that Jade attacked my mom's dog, too and put her in the emergency vet,
so there goes my theory about her and Snickers. There is no way my mom
can keep her. I need to get her everything to get her ready for her new
home, but I can't do it. I can't get her the new leash so I can keep the
other one. I can't bring myself to order her the fish oil she needs for
her coat so I can hand it over to someone else and worry that they're
not giving it to her. I need to write up everything I want them to know
about her. I need to get copies of all of her records. I can't. She is
my love, my little lady. I can't let her go. She gave me so much. We
traveled so far together, and went through so many gains and losses
together. I can't imagine the killing pain this will cause when it is
all said and done. I took her ID tag with my info from her collar and
put it on my keychain. I will have that constant reminder for the rest
of my life, I swear it. I feel like I am the most disloyal and unloving
friend she could ever ask for. I cannot seperate the dogs, because I am
just one person, and that would give them both a half-life. That would
be the selfish solution, and I refuse to demote either of them to
half-time companion. I know the truth is that she will settle into her
new home and be content, but I cannot imagine it. I dont' know how to
imagine going to sleep everynight knowing she is sleeping at the feet of
someone I barely know. I don't know how to go on not knowing if they are
monitoring her Panis. I don't know how to feed my dogs every morning and
not worry that she isn't getting the fish oil and pumpkin that she
needs. I just don't know how to say goodbye. I only know how to say I
love you. 

End pasting.

I can't process. I can't function. I can't do what I need to do to find
her the life she needs. I want to hide from it, like that will make it
go away. I just have no idea where it all came from, and I blame myself.
What could I do different? I just don't know. Now that she has hurt my
mom's dog, I don't trust her around any of my dogs at any time. I have
broken my promise to her. When I got her, on the first day, I listened
to her crying and I promised her she would never have to lose anyone
ever again. I hate broken promises. And now, I retreat.

Meghan 

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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