[nagdu] stepper's remarks.

Sherri flmom2006 at gmail.com
Sun Apr 11 16:15:51 UTC 2010


I admire your courage and your willingness to keep on going despite all that 
you are going through. I have another friend who is going through a similar 
situation and I'm not sure how he copes with all the pain either. All I can 
say is continue to keep the faith and keep on keeping on and know that you 
are doing all you can.

Sherri
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Stepper" <stepper12 at cableone.net>
To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users" 
<nagdu at nfbnet.org>
Cc: "Lynda" <lyndamorgan16 at cableone.net>
Sent: Saturday, April 10, 2010 4:06 PM
Subject: [nagdu] stepper's remarks.


> First and foremost, thank you to each one of you that wrote to me.  Your 
> words were more helpful and encouraging than you may realize. I would like 
> to express my experience regarding my journey through this one of many 
> life tough patches. Hopefully this effort will be of service to someone 
> outside of myself.
> For those of you that may not know I will say the following. Nine years 
> ago come May 14-01 I was found to have multiple cancers. I have been 
> successful in recovering from these cancers with horrendous treatment 
> regiments. I then had my back go totally nuts. I then after several years 
> was able to qualify for a internal pain pump for my back. This worked 
> pretty well. I decided to try for a guide dog once again. I have had two 
> guides for a total of 17 years. it been about 14 years since my last dog. 
> GDB decided to give me a chance. I have worked towards this goal of 
> another dog for five and a half years now. I really thought I could do it. 
> However, just making the trip was way to much to my surprise. I did know 
> that there was know way to really know if I could do it until I tried. I 
> made the trip, and after getting to GDB I couldn't recover to take part in 
> the training. In fact I scared them enough because I crash so hard and 
> fast they thought about calling a ambulance at first. Five and a half 
> years ago, GDB let me try for a dog then at there Oregon campus. I 
> couldn't do it then either, to soon after my cancer treatments.  One of 
> the things through these nine years of my life and my wife's lives being 
> totally turned up-side-down because of these health issues the goal of 
> having a guide dog once again was one of the brightest hopes, and 
> motivator I hung on to with both hands day in and day out. It's very 
> difficult to try and express how hard it was to cowboy up everyday, but 
> the dream of having a guide once again pushed me through each and every 
> day no matter what! In other words, the goals of trying for these guides 
> over the last five and a half years helped in a great way to give me a 
> reason to fight for my life. I can tell you the last week and a half has 
> been one of the hardest I have been through in a very very long time. My 
> depression was so overwhelming I could barely move my head laying in my 
> bed. One of the most dangerous lines of comparative thinking I couldn't 
> let go of was this. I kept asking myself what's is the matter with you, 
> meaning me, why didn't you push through? After all you are the guy, the 
> only blind person that to date has walked across America,  using a guide 
> dog, and long white cane, and met President Regen in the Oval Office on 
> October 25-1983 with your wife Lynda, and the national leaders of the NFB. 
> What is the matter with you? I was thirty five years old then, I am now 
> sixty three, with multiple serious physical and serious health issues and 
> problems. That was then, this is here, and now. Stop it!stop it! stop it! 
> So I have. I am now coming back up, I know deep inside me I didn't fail, I 
> went to test if I could or could not do this, I now have the answer, and 
> its a resounding NO! As of today, I am picking myself back up, dusting 
> myself off, and climbing back on that horse that just through me right in 
> to the rails, isn't that right Tommy!I made it out today and walked for 
> one hour,and in that time frame I walked about a mile and a half. So you 
> can see that's way to slow for any dog I know of. However, one of the most 
> harmful results from my long term illnesses is that over the last nine 
> years, all my friends, people I new, and everything else has gone away. 
> Largely because I was so sick and hurt that people just had a very hard 
> time being near that much pain and misery. Plus I was so weak I could 
> hardly respond for any lengths of time. I couldn't make or keep 
> commitments because I didn't know if would be strong enough or well enough 
> a week or two ahead. However, I even if I don't sound like it am the best 
> I have been in these several years. I know to keep myself from going in to 
> a totally permanent hopeless depression I must find a way to get back in 
> to life some how. I can not just live my life through a computer key 
> board. I already  know that many if not most of us that are blind or blind 
> with other problems end up isolated and alone. I have a wife that works 
> outside of the home, she also drives ,so I am here alone much of the time. 
> This is where I am asking you that have found meaning for your lives what 
> were or are the ways of doing so outside of a full time job to please 
> contact off list and share your stories how you have accomplished your 
> fulfillment for your lives. Frankly I feel so overwhelmed and yes, 
> frightened, and when thinking of how on earth am I as a blind person in 
> this ultra most conservative backward state of Idaho in the country am 
> going to be able to become a part of anything. If I can find something to 
> do that is meaningful lets say two to three times a week where I am 
> interacting with other people that would be enough. One last thing. I know 
> this is written in one big paragraph, and did so, because I notice when I 
> got my message back everytime I I press enter to go down a line it would 
> say "greater", and I don't know how not to have that happen. Thank you for 
> taking the time to read this. I really do need your input in what you have 
> done to not be one of the isolated blind of our nation. Also if you would 
> like we could talk by phone as well. If you write to me, and want to do 
> so, I will then give you my phone number Thanks again. My address is, 
> stepper12 at cableone.net
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