[nagdu] apolgies

Gail deerskin at oct.net
Sat Jun 26 03:04:34 UTC 2010


Thank you all for caring. It means so much to me But it looks hopeless. I
should never have dared to allow myself this hope, since I cant deal with
the agony of the rejection. And there are things that make it so that there
is no hope. 
 
Wayne didnt tell me till just now that whe he canceled the MRI with that
stupid doctor, they told him that 
'She isnt blind by any definition, shes 20/25 at worst.' they threw out the
humphries exams, all of them, and threw out what I said about my depth
perception. So anything now to GDB, or any other school would be a wast of
time....to everyone, I'm just a fat lazy liar, like that doctor asked me. No
school would take someone like me, not legally blind, who cant breathe well,
who cant walk miles after getting a dog...
 
The amout of walking GDB told me I would have to do would have been
impossible even in my 20s....my lungs are a mess from years of brochitis
that is only kept under control by my not being outside much, staying in
where there is AC. That was how I trained my own dogs....I was able to drive
2-3 times a week to the market or hardware store, and work there with the
dogs. I cant drive now, obviously, and with the amount of work my husband
has, there is no chance he can take me to the nearest store -15 miles away-
that has a place I could sit and rest. I've never walked around and around
the town, because too much of it is hilly, making it hard to breathe. Now
that the meds and my lousy metabolism have put on weight on me, its even
worse. The way the training walks were described, I thought I could handle
them, because of the climate. Here, in the humidity in the summer, or the
windy cold, which always makes me sick, I cant walk that much. Both affect
my breathing badly.
 
So. Here I am. Without any hope of any kind of service dog. My husband has
this fantasy that if he just argues enough with me, I will suddely be able
to walk all of that, and that if he argues enough with them, GDB will
suddenly take someone who isnt blind and give them a dog. 
 
Why, oh, why did I ever dare to let myself hope for freedom from this
corner?

I beg everyone's pardon for being such a disruption to the normal flow of
threads and conversation here. Please, just forget me...I dont  and never
did belong here.


Gail




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