[nagdu] Gender differences WAS harness signs

Tamara Smith-Kinney tamara.8024 at comcast.net
Tue Mar 9 19:27:46 UTC 2010 

Oh, the gender difference drives me batty sometimes.  Well, quite a bit of
the time.  /grin/ I prefer using direct, clear communication to convey and
receive thoughts and ideas.  But, no, I've developed this extensive
repertoire of indirect, even -- I daresay! -- passive aggressive, means of
convincing people to just stay out of my way and let me go about my
business.

It has been very hard to get used to, as has being treated like I'm
insignificant and helpless and, well, you know a l'il lady.  Ugh!  I don't
notice it so much now that I've had plenty of exposure, but at first it just
got me all hot and bothered.

The awareness that li'l ol' me and my funny poodle dog represent blind
people and guide dog users the world over also makes dealing with the
everyday space invasions, disruptions, obstructions, etc., more stressful.
It also makes coming up with a response I can live with difficult.  I guess
I've adapted enough to have all those schticks and spiels and whatever to
keep it down to a bearable level, and I'm used to it enough that I don't
even notice it sometimes, or at least I accept it as part of walking around
doing my thing.  Especially when I have to take the bus or the train to do
my thing!  I love having the bus and train, and I love riding them and
listening to the people around me because I am an inveterate people watcher.

I just prefer the people to stay out of my space and mind their own
business! /lol/

I've also decided to go ahead and be effing rude when someone crosses the
line and a civil response doesn't work to get them back onto their own side.
If onlookers want to think that blind people are inherently obnoxious
because of it, oh, well!  If they're close enough to observe my
response/reaction, they're close enough to see what provoked it.  I can't
help it if they have no judgment of their own!

Every now and then when I start yapping on about some of these things we
li'l blind ladies have to put up with -- either something I heard about or
something that happened to me -- to DD, he gets all manly and belligerent.
"I just don't have patience for that sort of thing," he will say darkly.
"I'll only put up with it so long.  Then I'll cold cock 'em!"

Ah, to be a big, tall, strapping fella!  /grin/  In theory, that simple,
straightforward, direct solution to the problem sounds much too tempting.
Then I remember that I don't have the physique for it anyway, so I couldn't
really make it work.  Which is probably why I can cheerfully admit to
letting my brain carry on with images of cane whacking someone about the
head and shoulders while my good sense searches for a practical response.
/evil grin/  The mental image is very, very satisfying to my inner, uh,
whatever you want to call it; also, the imaginary cane is much more
substantial and impressive a weapon than the light things I actually carry
in my back pocket or purse.  Unfortunately, actually following through on
the image would just make me look really, really, foolish and, honestly,
completely nutty.  /grin/

Not that DD goes around knocking down people who annoy him!  Which is a good
thing for me. /grin/  Still, he does have the option of looking stern and
puffing up the muscles just a bit to remind people he can if he wants to.  I
try that on, and it just gets me more grief.  That posturing is something I
do when ribbing with my buds to make them laugh.  /lol/

Stepping between someone and my dog is something I do, too, but then I'm
face to face with some fool who doesn't respect me.  It will suddenly occur
to me that this may not turn out well for me if the person's aggression
turns physical.  Apparently, my years growing up as a skinny, shirley temple
clone of a brainy girl taught me something, because in my youth actually
pulled that sort of thing off with violently mentally unstable (too much of
that inbred population!) men who were working up to an assault on one or
another of my friends.  There I would suddenly be, nose-to-nose with someone
much bigger than me bent on irrational violence...  Oops!  But they always
backed down in the end.  Huh.  Then I grew up and moved away and didn't have
to use that strange little skill until I started going about being all blind
and stuff...  

Then again, I've been paying a lot for physical therapy for attacks from
behind from people who were being paid to help me.  So now I have this sense
of vulnerability that I really hate.  I've also learned some techniques to
adapt my cowgirl physical self-defense skills to use on humans.  Haven't had
to use that, but wish I had gone with my gut when the attacks occurred!  I
had not previously been subject to physical violence in my adult life, so
just wasn't expecting it, tried to remain calm and use passive self-defense
unstil I could deal with it in a civilized manner...  Oh.  Bad move on my
part.  We blind people are, like or not, fair game.  Those people who
inflicted the injuries I continue to recover from -- and that others are
paying to recover from -- still have jobs.

Speaking of learning things the hard way!  Be careful what you type when
you're using JAWS and have dogs around. /lol/  I took a little break and was
putzing in the kitchen, bent over to pick up something I had dropped just as
Daisy hound decided to dash in front of me...  Taking a coonhound skull
ridge to the orbital bone didn't quite cold cock me, but I have felt a
little strange for the past few minutes.  Apparently, she is more
hard-headed than I am.  /grin/

Tami Smith-Kinney

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Jeanette Beal
Sent: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 5:58 AM
To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs

I'm wondering how much of the interaction between public and dog is
gender-based to the handler? As a woman, I know that I'm interacted with on
a slightly different level than men - called 'little lady' by
many-a-older-guy on public transit, etc. I know there was a study done
recently (um, 20/20 special so not really a study) with a blind man & a
blind woman trying to buy pastries in a shop and the woman was actually
stood up for/defended more readily by an incredulous public than the man. Is
this because women are inherently viewed as inferior and in need of
protection? Probably.
So when a female handler walks around with her dog is it  much easier to
disregard her and interact with her dog? Perhaps. I've had men spit in my
face because I told them to leave my dog alone. Granted he spit in my face
after he started petting my dog and I said no and he said F-off and I said
oh really? And stepped between dog & dude and dude then pushed at me so I
slapped him in the face and he spit on me and then....ran away. But the main
point was I said no and he said "so?" and continued his bad behavior.
I have a hard time with this subject. It's so rooted in my need for safety
in public as a woman - using public transit and getting groped by a dude
behind or next to me feels as dirty and disgusting as unauthorized petting
of my dog by a stranger. So how do I reconcile my need for safety and
autonomy with the day-to-day hassles all handlers have in public?
I do so by not allowing people to pet my dog. By demanding that I be asked
first. By expecting my answer to be respected - if I say no it means no.
This goes for my body as much as my dog's.  And unfortunately the waiting
public takes away that I'm a rude, withholding human. But my safety is more
important than public image.
Unfortunately we aren't in a vacuum and all blind people speak for all blind
people in front of AB folks. So when someone lets the public pet their dog
in harness they send a message that I will to. And when I say no and am
assumed rude I send a message that all blind people are rude.
It's a crappy inter-connected all-disabled-folk-are-the-same world.
Jeanette

On Tue, Mar 9, 2010 at 8:12 AM, Albert J Rizzi
<albert at myblindspot.org>wrote:

> now there is the honest one in the group. I must confess that I too enjoy
> it
> when people take notice of my handsome lad. I do stop to let him take in
> the
> praise at times, though I always take his harness off. Now before you all
> go
> mad about that, it is a conscious decision I make and am willing to make
> for
> my dog and all the good work he does, I feel that if time allotted when I
> take the harness off it reinforces the work thing and out of work thing
for
> the dog. It also embarrasses  the petting offender and they always insist
I
> not go to any great lengths, which always allows for a honest and open I
> really should bet t my meeting.
>
> Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
> CEO/Founder
> My Blind Spot, Inc.
> 90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
> New York, New York  10004
> www.myblindspot.org
> PH: 917-553-0347
> Fax: 212-858-5759
> "The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one who is
> doing it."
>
>
> Visit us on Facebook LinkedIn
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Tamara Smith-Kinney
> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 6:39 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>
> Hmm...  Maybe someone should make a project out of finding a mutt-ugly
> scurvy cur, slappying a guide dog harness on it and heading out into
public
> to see what happens?  /grin/  I've thought of designing a special poodle
> cut
> to uglify Mitzi...  I could have the groomer do her all lopsided and patch
> and stuff, then put odd dye patches on her here and there...
>
> Whaddaya think?  Should I go for it?  /grin/
>
> Or maybe someone could invent a spray, like that stuff that is supposed to
> keep pets away from certain areas.  In fact, isn't it called "Pet Away?"
or
> stomething?  Maybe if we sprayed are dogs with anti-human pheromones we
> could go about our business in peace? /lol/
>
> Okay, so my dirty little secret is that I've sort of gotten to enjoy the
> attention my poodle gets, now that we've learned to deal and move on.
> Unless she's in hussy mode, in which case, I just have to deal until I can
> make a graceful exit or haul out the jaws of life to separate her from the
> bestest friend ever she just made.  /smile/  I figure I can embarrass
> myself
> enough that I may as well let the dog find ways to embarrass me so long as
> it makes everybody happy...  Sigh.  Maybe it has something to do with
> living
> in Portland?  Part of me remembers the place as the oversized redneck town
> of my youth; it's fun talking to long-time resident cabbies who remember
it
> the same way.  But in the past (I will not admit how many) years, it's
> grown
> and changed along and now it's sort of...  Funky? Funny? Kind of getting
to
> be cosmopolitan but with a super progressive political bent and a strong
> flavor of small-town friendliness.  It can make going out and about a lot
> of
> fun, in a funy, weird way.
>
> So long as one remembers to take into account the growing number of
> homeless
> people with dogs of uncertain temperament downtown...  That population has
> grown over the past few years, and while the scary dogs we've passed have
> been kept under control by their ragged and dirty humans, it seems to take
> a
> lot of effort from the human to keep the dog from going for my sweet
> precious.  Yikes!  Still, with the housing situation here, as in so many
> places, it's to be expected.  Sigh.  Otherwise, though, Portland is a
> pretty
> cool place.
>
> You just don't stand a prayer of going more than five steps without
someone
> saying something about your dog.  /grin/
>
> Tami Smith-Kinney
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Albert J Rizzi
> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 2:05 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>
> What if we all got the ugliest dogs imaginable? Do you think that would
cut
> down on the petting distractions?
>
> Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
> CEO/Founder
> My Blind Spot, Inc.
> 90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
> New York, New York  10004
> www.myblindspot.org
> PH: 917-553-0347
> Fax: 212-858-5759
> "The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one who is
> doing it."
>
>
> Visit us on Facebook LinkedIn
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Marsha Drenth
> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 4:39 PM
> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>
> Now here is where I have seen a improvement. My husband purchased me a
sign
> for my pup for the harness for Christmas, and she has been wearing it
> since.
> Granted not all that long. But I have had only one person try to pet my
pup
> since. I don't think this person could read, and most likely had other
> disabilities. Before, I had so many people try to pet her. I was trying
and
> just dreaded going places because of the number of people who wanted to
pet
> her. So in my situation, the sign has definetly worked wonders!
>
> JMO
> Marsha
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Julie J
> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:43 PM
> To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs was guide dogs
>
> I don't think the signs make any difference anyway.
>
> I have a sign on Monty's harness that says "Please don't pet me I'm
> working".  For folks who have difficulty with words there is also a
picture
> of a hand reaching to pet a dog with a giant red slash through it.  You'd
> think people would get the hint, but they don't. I have noticed absolutely
> no difference in the amount of petafiles since I started with the sign.
>
> Just today I had some guy reach out to pet Monty just as we're getting
> ready
>
> to cross the street of all things.  He explained that he had been petting
> the dog in training on the college campus earlier.  As if that made it
okay
> or something.  Torks me.  But Monty got my revenge, he backed up and gave
> the death ray eyeball look.  LOL  Go Monty!
>
> Julie
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Meghan" <meghan at n-republic.net>
> To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 12:15 PM
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] guide dogs
>
>
> > No, they don't give you a sign for the harness, but you get cards that
> you
>
> > can hand out.
> >
> > They make it clear that they discourage petting, but they advise you on
> > how to approach it if you are going to allow it, too.
> >
> > Hope that helps,
> > Meghan
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Jennifer L Finley" <jenniferfinley at embarqmail.com>
> > To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
> > <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> > Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:28 PM
> > Subject: [nagdu] guide dogs
> >
> >
> >> Does the seeing eye have the please don't pet me signs?  Do they use
> >> anything to let the public know to not pet the dog?
> >> _______________________________________________
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-- 
Jeanette Beal
MS.Ed Assistive Technology
Independent Consultant
Boston, MA 02115
bealjk at gmail.com
http://twitter.com/bealjk
http://bealjk.tumblr.com/

"Talent is an invention like phlogiston after the fact of fire" - Marge
Piercy
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