[nagdu] Gender differences WAS harness signs

Thu Mar 11 19:28:05 UTC 2010

When your husband gets the "sweetie" comment, can he respond with
something like "Thanks babe". As with all things, his tone of voice will
make or break his point. 

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Tracy Carcione
Sent: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 2:57 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Gender differences WAS harness signs

Tami, are you sure you're getting the helpless idiot treatment because
you're a woman?  I get it too, and it drives me buggy, but my husband is
losing his sight, and one of the things he hates about it is that so
many
people treat him like a helpless idiot.  I don't know how to help him
deal
with it, either.  There is the old snappy comeback "only my wife calls
me
sweetie" for instance, but it's hard to have the snappy comeback when
you
need it.
Tracy

> Oh, the gender difference drives me batty sometimes.  Well, quite a
bit of
> the time.  /grin/ I prefer using direct, clear communication to convey
and
> receive thoughts and ideas.  But, no, I've developed this extensive
> repertoire of indirect, even -- I daresay! -- passive aggressive,
means of
> convincing people to just stay out of my way and let me go about my
> business.
>
> It has been very hard to get used to, as has being treated like I'm
> insignificant and helpless and, well, you know a l'il lady.  Ugh!  I
don't
> notice it so much now that I've had plenty of exposure, but at first
it
> just
> got me all hot and bothered.
>
> The awareness that li'l ol' me and my funny poodle dog represent blind
> people and guide dog users the world over also makes dealing with the
> everyday space invasions, disruptions, obstructions, etc., more
stressful.
> It also makes coming up with a response I can live with difficult.  I
> guess
> I've adapted enough to have all those schticks and spiels and whatever
to
> keep it down to a bearable level, and I'm used to it enough that I
don't
> even notice it sometimes, or at least I accept it as part of walking
> around
> doing my thing.  Especially when I have to take the bus or the train
to do
> my thing!  I love having the bus and train, and I love riding them and
> listening to the people around me because I am an inveterate people
> watcher.
>
> I just prefer the people to stay out of my space and mind their own
> business! /lol/
>
> I've also decided to go ahead and be effing rude when someone crosses
the
> line and a civil response doesn't work to get them back onto their own
> side.
> If onlookers want to think that blind people are inherently obnoxious
> because of it, oh, well!  If they're close enough to observe my
> response/reaction, they're close enough to see what provoked it.  I
can't
> help it if they have no judgment of their own!
>
> Every now and then when I start yapping on about some of these things
we
> li'l blind ladies have to put up with -- either something I heard
about or
> something that happened to me -- to DD, he gets all manly and
belligerent.
> "I just don't have patience for that sort of thing," he will say
darkly.
> "I'll only put up with it so long.  Then I'll cold cock 'em!"
>
> Ah, to be a big, tall, strapping fella!  /grin/  In theory, that
simple,
> straightforward, direct solution to the problem sounds much too
tempting.
> Then I remember that I don't have the physique for it anyway, so I
> couldn't
> really make it work.  Which is probably why I can cheerfully admit to
> letting my brain carry on with images of cane whacking someone about
the
> head and shoulders while my good sense searches for a practical
response.
> /evil grin/  The mental image is very, very satisfying to my inner,
uh,
> whatever you want to call it; also, the imaginary cane is much more
> substantial and impressive a weapon than the light things I actually
carry
> in my back pocket or purse.  Unfortunately, actually following through
on
> the image would just make me look really, really, foolish and,
honestly,
> completely nutty.  /grin/
>
> Not that DD goes around knocking down people who annoy him!  Which is
a
> good
> thing for me. /grin/  Still, he does have the option of looking stern
and
> puffing up the muscles just a bit to remind people he can if he wants
to.
> I
> try that on, and it just gets me more grief.  That posturing is
something
> I
> do when ribbing with my buds to make them laugh.  /lol/
>
> Stepping between someone and my dog is something I do, too, but then
I'm
> face to face with some fool who doesn't respect me.  It will suddenly
> occur
> to me that this may not turn out well for me if the person's
aggression
> turns physical.  Apparently, my years growing up as a skinny, shirley
> temple
> clone of a brainy girl taught me something, because in my youth
actually
> pulled that sort of thing off with violently mentally unstable (too
much
> of
> that inbred population!) men who were working up to an assault on one
or
> another of my friends.  There I would suddenly be, nose-to-nose with
> someone
> much bigger than me bent on irrational violence...  Oops!  But they
always
> backed down in the end.  Huh.  Then I grew up and moved away and
didn't
> have
> to use that strange little skill until I started going about being all
> blind
> and stuff...
>
> Then again, I've been paying a lot for physical therapy for attacks
from
> behind from people who were being paid to help me.  So now I have this
> sense
> of vulnerability that I really hate.  I've also learned some
techniques to
> adapt my cowgirl physical self-defense skills to use on humans.
Haven't
> had
> to use that, but wish I had gone with my gut when the attacks
occurred!  I
> had not previously been subject to physical violence in my adult life,
so
> just wasn't expecting it, tried to remain calm and use passive
> self-defense
> unstil I could deal with it in a civilized manner...  Oh.  Bad move on
my
> part.  We blind people are, like or not, fair game.  Those people who
> inflicted the injuries I continue to recover from -- and that others
are
> paying to recover from -- still have jobs.
>
> Speaking of learning things the hard way!  Be careful what you type
when
> you're using JAWS and have dogs around. /lol/  I took a little break
and
> was
> putzing in the kitchen, bent over to pick up something I had dropped
just
> as
> Daisy hound decided to dash in front of me...  Taking a coonhound
skull
> ridge to the orbital bone didn't quite cold cock me, but I have felt a
> little strange for the past few minutes.  Apparently, she is more
> hard-headed than I am.  /grin/
>
> Tami Smith-Kinney
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf
> Of Jeanette Beal
> Sent: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 5:58 AM
> To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>
> I'm wondering how much of the interaction between public and dog is
> gender-based to the handler? As a woman, I know that I'm interacted
with
> on
> a slightly different level than men - called 'little lady' by
> many-a-older-guy on public transit, etc. I know there was a study done
> recently (um, 20/20 special so not really a study) with a blind man &
a
> blind woman trying to buy pastries in a shop and the woman was
actually
> stood up for/defended more readily by an incredulous public than the
man.
> Is
> this because women are inherently viewed as inferior and in need of
> protection? Probably.
> So when a female handler walks around with her dog is it  much easier
to
> disregard her and interact with her dog? Perhaps. I've had men spit in
my
> face because I told them to leave my dog alone. Granted he spit in my
face
> after he started petting my dog and I said no and he said F-off and I
said
> oh really? And stepped between dog & dude and dude then pushed at me
so I
> slapped him in the face and he spit on me and then....ran away. But
the
> main
> point was I said no and he said "so?" and continued his bad behavior.
> I have a hard time with this subject. It's so rooted in my need for
safety
> in public as a woman - using public transit and getting groped by a
dude
> behind or next to me feels as dirty and disgusting as unauthorized
petting
> of my dog by a stranger. So how do I reconcile my need for safety and
> autonomy with the day-to-day hassles all handlers have in public?
> I do so by not allowing people to pet my dog. By demanding that I be
asked
> first. By expecting my answer to be respected - if I say no it means
no.
> This goes for my body as much as my dog's.  And unfortunately the
waiting
> public takes away that I'm a rude, withholding human. But my safety is
> more
> important than public image.
> Unfortunately we aren't in a vacuum and all blind people speak for all
> blind
> people in front of AB folks. So when someone lets the public pet their
dog
> in harness they send a message that I will to. And when I say no and
am
> assumed rude I send a message that all blind people are rude.
> It's a crappy inter-connected all-disabled-folk-are-the-same world.
> Jeanette
>
> On Tue, Mar 9, 2010 at 8:12 AM, Albert J Rizzi
> <albert at myblindspot.org>wrote:
>
>> now there is the honest one in the group. I must confess that I too
>> enjoy
>> it
>> when people take notice of my handsome lad. I do stop to let him take
in
>> the
>> praise at times, though I always take his harness off. Now before you
>> all
>> go
>> mad about that, it is a conscious decision I make and am willing to
make
>> for
>> my dog and all the good work he does, I feel that if time allotted
when
>> I
>> take the harness off it reinforces the work thing and out of work
thing
> for
>> the dog. It also embarrasses  the petting offender and they always
>> insist
> I
>> not go to any great lengths, which always allows for a honest and
open I
>> really should bet t my meeting.
>>
>> Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
>> CEO/Founder
>> My Blind Spot, Inc.
>> 90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
>> New York, New York  10004
>> www.myblindspot.org
>> PH: 917-553-0347
>> Fax: 212-858-5759
>> "The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one
who
>> is
>> doing it."
>>
>>
>> Visit us on Facebook LinkedIn
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf
>> Of Tamara Smith-Kinney
>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 6:39 PM
>> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>
>> Hmm...  Maybe someone should make a project out of finding a
mutt-ugly
>> scurvy cur, slappying a guide dog harness on it and heading out into
> public
>> to see what happens?  /grin/  I've thought of designing a special
poodle
>> cut
>> to uglify Mitzi...  I could have the groomer do her all lopsided and
>> patch
>> and stuff, then put odd dye patches on her here and there...
>>
>> Whaddaya think?  Should I go for it?  /grin/
>>
>> Or maybe someone could invent a spray, like that stuff that is
supposed
>> to
>> keep pets away from certain areas.  In fact, isn't it called "Pet
Away?"
> or
>> stomething?  Maybe if we sprayed are dogs with anti-human pheromones
we
>> could go about our business in peace? /lol/
>>
>> Okay, so my dirty little secret is that I've sort of gotten to enjoy
the
>> attention my poodle gets, now that we've learned to deal and move on.
>> Unless she's in hussy mode, in which case, I just have to deal until
I
>> can
>> make a graceful exit or haul out the jaws of life to separate her
from
>> the
>> bestest friend ever she just made.  /smile/  I figure I can embarrass
>> myself
>> enough that I may as well let the dog find ways to embarrass me so
long
>> as
>> it makes everybody happy...  Sigh.  Maybe it has something to do with
>> living
>> in Portland?  Part of me remembers the place as the oversized redneck
>> town
>> of my youth; it's fun talking to long-time resident cabbies who
remember
> it
>> the same way.  But in the past (I will not admit how many) years,
it's
>> grown
>> and changed along and now it's sort of...  Funky? Funny? Kind of
getting
> to
>> be cosmopolitan but with a super progressive political bent and a
strong
>> flavor of small-town friendliness.  It can make going out and about a
>> lot
>> of
>> fun, in a funy, weird way.
>>
>> So long as one remembers to take into account the growing number of
>> homeless
>> people with dogs of uncertain temperament downtown...  That
population
>> has
>> grown over the past few years, and while the scary dogs we've passed
>> have
>> been kept under control by their ragged and dirty humans, it seems to
>> take
>> a
>> lot of effort from the human to keep the dog from going for my sweet
>> precious.  Yikes!  Still, with the housing situation here, as in so
many
>> places, it's to be expected.  Sigh.  Otherwise, though, Portland is a
>> pretty
>> cool place.
>>
>> You just don't stand a prayer of going more than five steps without
> someone
>> saying something about your dog.  /grin/
>>
>> Tami Smith-Kinney
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf
>> Of Albert J Rizzi
>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 2:05 PM
>> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>
>> What if we all got the ugliest dogs imaginable? Do you think that
would
> cut
>> down on the petting distractions?
>>
>> Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
>> CEO/Founder
>> My Blind Spot, Inc.
>> 90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
>> New York, New York  10004
>> www.myblindspot.org
>> PH: 917-553-0347
>> Fax: 212-858-5759
>> "The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one
who
>> is
>> doing it."
>>
>>
>> Visit us on Facebook LinkedIn
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf
>> Of Marsha Drenth
>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 4:39 PM
>> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>
>> Now here is where I have seen a improvement. My husband purchased me
a
> sign
>> for my pup for the harness for Christmas, and she has been wearing it
>> since.
>> Granted not all that long. But I have had only one person try to pet
my
> pup
>> since. I don't think this person could read, and most likely had
other
>> disabilities. Before, I had so many people try to pet her. I was
trying
> and
>> just dreaded going places because of the number of people who wanted
to
> pet
>> her. So in my situation, the sign has definetly worked wonders!
>>
>> JMO
>> Marsha
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf
>> Of Julie J
>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:43 PM
>> To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs was guide dogs
>>
>> I don't think the signs make any difference anyway.
>>
>> I have a sign on Monty's harness that says "Please don't pet me I'm
>> working".  For folks who have difficulty with words there is also a
> picture
>> of a hand reaching to pet a dog with a giant red slash through it.
>> You'd
>> think people would get the hint, but they don't. I have noticed
>> absolutely
>> no difference in the amount of petafiles since I started with the
sign.
>>
>> Just today I had some guy reach out to pet Monty just as we're
getting
>> ready
>>
>> to cross the street of all things.  He explained that he had been
>> petting
>> the dog in training on the college campus earlier.  As if that made
it
> okay
>> or something.  Torks me.  But Monty got my revenge, he backed up and
>> gave
>> the death ray eyeball look.  LOL  Go Monty!
>>
>> Julie
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Meghan" <meghan at n-republic.net>
>> To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
>> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 12:15 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] guide dogs
>>
>>
>> > No, they don't give you a sign for the harness, but you get cards
that
>> you
>>
>> > can hand out.
>> >
>> > They make it clear that they discourage petting, but they advise
you
>> on
>> > how to approach it if you are going to allow it, too.
>> >
>> > Hope that helps,
>> > Meghan
>> > ----- Original Message -----
>> > From: "Jennifer L Finley" <jenniferfinley at embarqmail.com>
>> > To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog
Users"
>> > <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
>> > Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:28 PM
>> > Subject: [nagdu] guide dogs
>> >
>> >
>> >> Does the seeing eye have the please don't pet me signs?  Do they
use
>> >> anything to let the public know to not pet the dog?
>> >> _______________________________________________
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> --
> Jeanette Beal
> MS.Ed Assistive Technology
> Independent Consultant
> Boston, MA 02115
> bealjk at gmail.com
> http://twitter.com/bealjk
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