[nagdu] What do you do when you're angry with your dog?

Tamara Smith-Kinney tamara.8024 at comcast.net
Sun Mar 21 19:46:13 UTC 2010


Jenine,

Excellent topic for discussion!  I sometimes find myself wondering, also,
whether I'm more frustrated with Mitzi sometimes because of the high
expectations I have of her as a guide dog.  Also, we're never apart, except
for a couple of hours every couple of months when she's at the groomers,
while I wander around with my cane feeling sad separation anxiety.  /smile/
There have been times -- and will be again -- when I wish she would just
chill on being a Mitzi poodle and go take a nap and leave me alone.  These
are usually the times she wishes I would get over myself and pay attention
to her by devising new, clever, high-energy ways to entertain.  That is why
I was put on this earth, after all.  /grin/

Her poodleness, of course, will cause trouble to get attention, and you hit
the tenacious intelligence nail right on the head.  I have thought of
hitting the poodle right on the head more than once!  She would probably
think that was funny, though, so would be more likely to do whatever it was
that made me so mad next time she wants to play that game.  /lol/  Love how
she applies those very traits to her work, but when she wants to be a
monster, she really has special talents.

At least, as she turns the corner towards 4 years old, she does rest once in
a while, and is better at self-management.  I still need to keep things in
balance, though, because a bored poodle is, as you have learned, a poodle in
trouble!

One thing I wasn't emotionally prepared for when she started guiding was the
stark panic and terror that accompanied the normal anger over guiding
mistakes.  I'm over that now, but during the transition I shocked myself
quite a few times by being scared out of my wits between one step and the
next because my young becoming guide did something unexpected and I was
suddenly completely lost and didn't know if I was about to fall over a cliff
or what!  Never mind that the closest cliffs were hours away; that's my big
fear when I don't know what's in front of my feet, cane, dog, whatever, so
that's what I feel when I'm suddenly lost in the middle of a nice, smooth
city sidewalk a block from my home. /grin/

Then again, since I'm afraid to take a step or move a muscle (the cliff
might throw me off if I do!), my dog is pretty safe during the time it takes
me to get a grip and put my brain back into the same space in the real world
my body is actually standing on.  Whew!  Then I'm so relieved and feel so
silly for what my overactive imagination just put me through -- with my
willing cooperation, of course! -- I can't be too mad at the dog.  Or maybe
it's just that I suddenly so desperatly want to get home and hug the floor
that I don't want to take time out to take out my emotions on my way home...

Not the most dignified way to recover one's zen, is it?  /grin/  Now that
being a guide dog handler is old hat without all the internal melodrama, I
get frustrated when she's being a snot monster -- generally it's sniffing
with great vigor and intensity, then escalating every time I call her back
to task.  She is so obviously just being rebellious because she feels like
it -- and getting in some great sniffing to boot!  Makes me crazy, and after
not very long, I am mad as a wet hen.  We get going, then stop dead while
she sticks her nose in a patch of grass or a pole or...After the second or
third time, I've worn the tread off my shoes screeching to a halt like that,
and I can't trust the communication from the harness because I don't know if
she's doing her job or just being a brat.

Since I am very good these days to always have a "pocket cane" (or purse
cane, if I'm carrying a purse) just in case something happens to my dog, it
will occur to me that I don't need the freakin' dog because I have the cane,
which gives me ideas of something to do with the cane which will involve
something happening to my dog so I would need to use the cane anyway.
/grin/  Fortunately, my overactive imagination is so absurd, that the brief
image of myself whippping out my telescoping or folding can and whacking
Mitzi vigorously about the head with it cracks me up, so the anger can't
compete.  Again, not too dignified, is it?  /grin/

Also, Mitzi would think it was funny.  She can't seem to grasp that anyone
would actually be unhappy with such an adorable and delightful creature as
herself, so the few times I have started working up into a real fury, she
just mocks me, which takes all the fun out of it.  Really, one time I lost
it over a garbage raiding incident, clenched my fists and jumped up and down
all red in the face, shrieking "Bad dog! BAD! DOG!" at the top of my lungs.
I believe the plan from there was to stomp across the kitchen, grab the dog
with my bare hands and wait and see what was left when I was done with
her...  But, no!  She throught I was being just so hysterical, she grinned
and wagged her tail until her butt lifted off the floor and gave her little
laughing woof, and just generally made me feel like a complete fool for my
histrionics...  Also, she is just so darned cute when she's amused!  Sigh.
Even when I can't see her jet black self, I can still see the grin, so I'm
sunk!

Humor aside, I've had an advantage with my guide dog because of all the
years I spent training horses out in the mountainous back woods far, far
from civilization.  For myself, I like smart, sensitive, quick and powerful
horses -- usually with at least some Arabian involved.  I train them from
the ground up to respond to my lightest signals, so that after not very
long, I just have to idly think I want to go left and move into a trot, and
that is what happens.  I also hate western saddles, which was what we had,
so I would end up vaulting agilely onto my horse and heading out on a back
crountry trail ride -- or even a cattle drive! -- bareback.

Which meant that there was no way I did not communicate every passing stray
thought and feeling directly to my horse!  Horses are prey animals, highly
tuned to danger signals from the environment around them, especially from
their herd mates and leaders....

It was in my best interested to remain cool, calm and in control in any and
every situation, no matter what!  Until I had put the horse away and come
inside to freak out over the silverware or something.  /lol/  Delayed
reaction terror is okay, just don't spook your horse!

Of course, with the kind of horses I like, you need to do that even in the
safety of saddling area while you're grooming, especially if you haven't
broken the 100 pound mark yet and they've broken the 3-quarter ton mark...
Oh, yes!  Cool, calm and in control!  While arranging to be elsewhere in a
hurry while it's still in the process of hitting the fan!

So the weird panic of suddenly having a dark and dangerous chasm in front of
me, reaching out to pull me in was pretty novel, and really tough to process
rationally the first few times it happened.  But I have already had lots of
practice at keeping my cool under pressure.  And at managing my animal when
its determined to drive me to go looking for that same cliff and take a leap
just so I don't have to deal with the freakin' monster!  /lol/

So that helps me keep my anger and frustration with Mitzi in my head without
damaging hers, and that experience has been invaluable for both of us.
She's more and more past the point where she needs to exert her independence
and rebellious streak, so I only find myself on a simple errand which turns
into an exercise in self-control to not do in my dog every two or three
months or so.  Ah, the peaceful quiet life!  /grin/  She's also more likely
to just give me a reminder that she is a free spirit and just humors my
silly whims because she's that generous, then go back to being a wonderfully
respondible guide dog once she's sure I know I'm not the boss of her...
/grin/

Anyway, I don't know how useful that is for anybody, but that's how I deal
in my own way with the particular anger management issues arising from
having and working with a guide dog.

Usually.

Tami Smith-Kinney

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Jenine Stanley
Sent: Sunday, March 21, 2010 8:03 AM
To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
Subject: [nagdu] What do you do when you're angry with your dog?

Lisa brings up a good issue here. What do you do when you're angry with your
dog? 

 

I'm sure just about all of us have had those moments when we were incredibly
angry with our dogs. Whether they chewed up a favorite possession, went
after some food for the millionth time or just went seemingly brain dead
during a guiding task, I'm sure we've all had pause to consider just what to
do. Sometimes we don't pause and that can lead to all kinds of problems. 

 

One of the things that really hit me when I got my first dog was that I was
now responsible for another being, not only its care but its actions, and I
couldn't always control those actions as well as I'd like. 

 

I wonder if this is what new parents feel like with toddlers? OK, all you
parents, am I close? <grin> 

 

I'll pose the question here. Do you talk about anger and frustration during
guide dog class? Did it surprise anyone when first encountering anger toward
your dog? Do those of us who have had many dogs over time still feel angry
and frustrated with the current dog over things or does that lessen like it
seems to with kids, the youngest getting away with more things because the
parents are either tired, or have just relaxed a bit with experience? 

 

If you were to craft a class lecture about anger management, what might you
say? We can't all be Buddha all the time just for our dogs' sakes. 

 

We've all, I'm sure, seen someone whom we feel is over correcting his/her
dog. How do you handle that, especially if you can tell it's out of
frustration? 

 

It's a good topic to discuss. Lisa, I feel for you here. My last dog was a
champion at destroying things when out of harness. She chewed up a Braille
watch, numerous bits of paper, including a dividend check for over $500, and
the insoles of many a pair of shoes. I did everything to keep her from these
exploits, but when allowed freedom, she exercised her superior Poodle
intelligence and Labrador tenacity by redecorating my house. I'm almost
pleased to hear that in her new home, when thoroughly bored, she's been
doing the same things. 

 

Jenine Stanley

jeninems at wowway.com

 

_______________________________________________
nagdu mailing list
nagdu at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nagdu_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for nagdu:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nagdu_nfbnet.org/tamara.8024%40comcast
.net





More information about the NAGDU mailing list