[nagdu] K9 proclamation

[Toni Eames]

Dear All,

Thought you'd enjoy this British manifesto.

Toni


>Listen up, dog's best friend It's time for canines to re-establish a
>prideful identity beyond loyal companion to humans
>Kim Blank
>The Globe and Mail, November 19, 2007
>
>While the history of discrimination against us is tainted by purposeful
>inaccuracies, we will no longer take this systemic oppression lying down.
>This
>much, however, we hold to be true: Before we were "domesticated" by your
>culture, we were free - free to practise our own customs, and free to
>associate according to our own ways. Over time, these freedoms, practices
>and traditions have been deliberately and with malice bred out of us.
>Our goal is to reclaim what has been lost and what was once ours. The time
>has come for us to re-establish a prideful identity that has been both
>exploited and diminished. We do this so that those who follow our scent will
>have basic rights of life and liberty.
>
>In short, no longer will we be collared by the corrupting forces of
>anthropocentricity; no longer will we come to you with our tails between our
>legs.
>
>Our manifesto of affirmative action addresses past injustices, current
>practices, and future policies.
>
>For instance, let's look at language issues.
>We call for an immediate end to your injurious and non-neutral language
>that, by repeated association, perpetuates prejudice against our kind. We
>therefore
>strongly request that the following words and expressions be altered or
>censored as part of the process of your re-education:
>*Dog's breakfast: Why are messy, hodgepodge things associated with our most
>important meal of the day?
>*In the doghouse: Why is our primary place of residence associated with you
>being in trouble?
>*Barking up the wrong tree: Why should your mistaken pursuits be associated
>with our natural rights of expression?
>*Dog-eat-dog world: Why should your Machiavellian, self-serving actions be
>associated with canine cannibalism (a practice, by the way, we did away with
>generations ago)?
>*A dog's life: Why is lousy human existence associated with the life we
>live?
>*Bitch: Why is the female of our kind pejoratively associated with a lewd or
>malicious woman (noun) or petty complaining (verb)?
>*Sick as a dog: In case you haven't noticed, other animals get sick, too.
>
>In light of cross-species privileging, we strongly object to the expression,
>"the cat's meow," since it carries an unwarranted, positive connotation. Why
>not "the dog's bark" or, better yet, a generic expression: "the animal's
>noise"?
>
>We demand the right to the open and free practice of butt-sniffing and
>privates-licking without being subject to public ridicule and embarrassment.
>We
>Also demand equal opportunities with cats, who are often permitted to wander
>around on their own without identification licences or curfews; and that
>obedience
>schools, residential or otherwise, be closed immediately (we view these as
>institutes of systematic indoctrination).
>
>We want to see the immediate termination of tail docking, ear cropping, and
>any arbitrary cosmetic surgery. We ask that, to counter ageism, old dogs be
>given the opportunity to learn new tricks, but only if those tricks result
>in health benefits.
>
>We want the right to chase cars in designated chase lanes; the banning of
>leashes (these are instruments of excessive physical restraint and control);
>no
>more "walkies" at your whims (we demand participation in the decision-making
>process to determine the where, when and duration of all accompanied
>outings).
>
>We want to see the closing down of breeding facilities - otherwise known as
>puppy mills - created for your economic gain.
>
>If these rights and demands are not met, the following action will be taken:
>*We will no longer retrieve or fetch anything unless it is in our best
>interests; neither will we come when called, nor sit down, lie down, roll
>over, shake a paw, or play dead on demand. These "tricks" are degrading and
>arbitrary acts of control designed exclusively for your entertainment.
>*We will no longer find you when you are lost, save you when you are
>drowning, or bark when your house is on fire.
>*We will no longer sniff out drugs or explosives or hunt down criminals.
>These are your problems; you sort them out.
>*We will no longer suffer indignities by participating in dog shows that
>exploit us for media consumption and financial gain. The designation "best
>in show"
>promotes discrimination, breed profiling, and species stereotyping.
>*We will no longer pose for or endorse poker paintings. Royalties from
>previous paintings will henceforth be used to fund rehabilitation centres
>for treat-dependent dogs.
>In the case of the disabled who depend on our intelligence and selfless gift
>of vigilance, there will be only a revolving strike.
>
>While we acknowledge that we are sometimes referred to as "man's best
>friend," henceforth we wish to be known as "humanity's preferred partner."
>
>As partial compensation for past injustices, we request that you lobby the
>U.S. State Department and request that a likeness of Lassie be carved into
>Mount Rushmore, preferably beside Abraham Lincoln, whose faithful dog, Fido,
>was arbitrarily prevented from being taken to Washington, D.C., in 1860, the
>year Lincoln became president.
>
>Finally, we want the beaver to be taken off the Canadian nickel and replaced
>by the likeness of a comely labrador retriever. Much easier on the eyes.
>
>Dictated to Kim Blank of Victoria, B.C. by Gilbert (cocker spaniel),
>chairdog of the Canine Liberation Front (CLF).
>
>
>