[nagdu] K9 proclamation

[Mark J. Cadigan]

lol. lol. lol. lol. o. did i say lol.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Toni Eames" <eeames at csufresno.edu>
To: <gdui-friends at yahoogroups.com>; <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, October 03, 2010 6:01 PM
Subject: [nagdu] K9 proclamation


> Dear All,
>
> Thought you'd enjoy this British manifesto.
>
> Toni
>
>
>>Listen up, dog's best friend It's time for canines to re-establish a
>>prideful identity beyond loyal companion to humans
>>Kim Blank
>>The Globe and Mail, November 19, 2007
>>
>>While the history of discrimination against us is tainted by purposeful
>>inaccuracies, we will no longer take this systemic oppression lying down.
>>This
>>much, however, we hold to be true: Before we were "domesticated" by your
>>culture, we were free - free to practise our own customs, and free to
>>associate according to our own ways. Over time, these freedoms, practices
>>and traditions have been deliberately and with malice bred out of us.
>>Our goal is to reclaim what has been lost and what was once ours. The time
>>has come for us to re-establish a prideful identity that has been both
>>exploited and diminished. We do this so that those who follow our scent 
>>will
>>have basic rights of life and liberty.
>>
>>In short, no longer will we be collared by the corrupting forces of
>>anthropocentricity; no longer will we come to you with our tails between 
>>our
>>legs.
>>
>>Our manifesto of affirmative action addresses past injustices, current
>>practices, and future policies.
>>
>>For instance, let's look at language issues.
>>We call for an immediate end to your injurious and non-neutral language
>>that, by repeated association, perpetuates prejudice against our kind. We
>>therefore
>>strongly request that the following words and expressions be altered or
>>censored as part of the process of your re-education:
>>*Dog's breakfast: Why are messy, hodgepodge things associated with our 
>>most
>>important meal of the day?
>>*In the doghouse: Why is our primary place of residence associated with 
>>you
>>being in trouble?
>>*Barking up the wrong tree: Why should your mistaken pursuits be 
>>associated
>>with our natural rights of expression?
>>*Dog-eat-dog world: Why should your Machiavellian, self-serving actions be
>>associated with canine cannibalism (a practice, by the way, we did away 
>>with
>>generations ago)?
>>*A dog's life: Why is lousy human existence associated with the life we
>>live?
>>*Bitch: Why is the female of our kind pejoratively associated with a lewd 
>>or
>>malicious woman (noun) or petty complaining (verb)?
>>*Sick as a dog: In case you haven't noticed, other animals get sick, too.
>>
>>In light of cross-species privileging, we strongly object to the 
>>expression,
>>"the cat's meow," since it carries an unwarranted, positive connotation. 
>>Why
>>not "the dog's bark" or, better yet, a generic expression: "the animal's
>>noise"?
>>
>>We demand the right to the open and free practice of butt-sniffing and
>>privates-licking without being subject to public ridicule and 
>>embarrassment.
>>We
>>Also demand equal opportunities with cats, who are often permitted to 
>>wander
>>around on their own without identification licences or curfews; and that
>>obedience
>>schools, residential or otherwise, be closed immediately (we view these as
>>institutes of systematic indoctrination).
>>
>>We want to see the immediate termination of tail docking, ear cropping, 
>>and
>>any arbitrary cosmetic surgery. We ask that, to counter ageism, old dogs 
>>be
>>given the opportunity to learn new tricks, but only if those tricks result
>>in health benefits.
>>
>>We want the right to chase cars in designated chase lanes; the banning of
>>leashes (these are instruments of excessive physical restraint and 
>>control);
>>no
>>more "walkies" at your whims (we demand participation in the 
>>decision-making
>>process to determine the where, when and duration of all accompanied
>>outings).
>>
>>We want to see the closing down of breeding facilities - otherwise known 
>>as
>>puppy mills - created for your economic gain.
>>
>>If these rights and demands are not met, the following action will be 
>>taken:
>>*We will no longer retrieve or fetch anything unless it is in our best
>>interests; neither will we come when called, nor sit down, lie down, roll
>>over, shake a paw, or play dead on demand. These "tricks" are degrading 
>>and
>>arbitrary acts of control designed exclusively for your entertainment.
>>*We will no longer find you when you are lost, save you when you are
>>drowning, or bark when your house is on fire.
>>*We will no longer sniff out drugs or explosives or hunt down criminals.
>>These are your problems; you sort them out.
>>*We will no longer suffer indignities by participating in dog shows that
>>exploit us for media consumption and financial gain. The designation "best
>>in show"
>>promotes discrimination, breed profiling, and species stereotyping.
>>*We will no longer pose for or endorse poker paintings. Royalties from
>>previous paintings will henceforth be used to fund rehabilitation centres
>>for treat-dependent dogs.
>>In the case of the disabled who depend on our intelligence and selfless 
>>gift
>>of vigilance, there will be only a revolving strike.
>>
>>While we acknowledge that we are sometimes referred to as "man's best
>>friend," henceforth we wish to be known as "humanity's preferred partner."
>>
>>As partial compensation for past injustices, we request that you lobby the
>>U.S. State Department and request that a likeness of Lassie be carved into
>>Mount Rushmore, preferably beside Abraham Lincoln, whose faithful dog, 
>>Fido,
>>was arbitrarily prevented from being taken to Washington, D.C., in 1860, 
>>the
>>year Lincoln became president.
>>
>>Finally, we want the beaver to be taken off the Canadian nickel and 
>>replaced
>>by the likeness of a comely labrador retriever. Much easier on the eyes.
>>
>>Dictated to Kim Blank of Victoria, B.C. by Gilbert (cocker spaniel),
>>chairdog of the Canine Liberation Front (CLF).
>>
>>
>>
>
>
>
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