[nagdu] K9 proclamation

[Julie McGinnity]

I second that LOL!  Brie heard jaws read this.  I think she is going
to start getting ideas now!  Lol!

On 10/3/10, Mark J. Cadigan <kramc11 at gmail.com> wrote:
> lol. lol. lol. lol. o. did i say lol.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Toni Eames" <eeames at csufresno.edu>
> To: <gdui-friends at yahoogroups.com>; <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, October 03, 2010 6:01 PM
> Subject: [nagdu] K9 proclamation
>
>
>> Dear All,
>>
>> Thought you'd enjoy this British manifesto.
>>
>> Toni
>>
>>
>>>Listen up, dog's best friend It's time for canines to re-establish a
>>>prideful identity beyond loyal companion to humans
>>>Kim Blank
>>>The Globe and Mail, November 19, 2007
>>>
>>>While the history of discrimination against us is tainted by purposeful
>>>inaccuracies, we will no longer take this systemic oppression lying down.
>>>This
>>>much, however, we hold to be true: Before we were "domesticated" by your
>>>culture, we were free - free to practise our own customs, and free to
>>>associate according to our own ways. Over time, these freedoms, practices
>>>and traditions have been deliberately and with malice bred out of us.
>>>Our goal is to reclaim what has been lost and what was once ours. The time
>>>has come for us to re-establish a prideful identity that has been both
>>>exploited and diminished. We do this so that those who follow our scent
>>>will
>>>have basic rights of life and liberty.
>>>
>>>In short, no longer will we be collared by the corrupting forces of
>>>anthropocentricity; no longer will we come to you with our tails between
>>>our
>>>legs.
>>>
>>>Our manifesto of affirmative action addresses past injustices, current
>>>practices, and future policies.
>>>
>>>For instance, let's look at language issues.
>>>We call for an immediate end to your injurious and non-neutral language
>>>that, by repeated association, perpetuates prejudice against our kind. We
>>>therefore
>>>strongly request that the following words and expressions be altered or
>>>censored as part of the process of your re-education:
>>>*Dog's breakfast: Why are messy, hodgepodge things associated with our
>>>most
>>>important meal of the day?
>>>*In the doghouse: Why is our primary place of residence associated with
>>>you
>>>being in trouble?
>>>*Barking up the wrong tree: Why should your mistaken pursuits be
>>>associated
>>>with our natural rights of expression?
>>>*Dog-eat-dog world: Why should your Machiavellian, self-serving actions be
>>>associated with canine cannibalism (a practice, by the way, we did away
>>>with
>>>generations ago)?
>>>*A dog's life: Why is lousy human existence associated with the life we
>>>live?
>>>*Bitch: Why is the female of our kind pejoratively associated with a lewd
>>>or
>>>malicious woman (noun) or petty complaining (verb)?
>>>*Sick as a dog: In case you haven't noticed, other animals get sick, too.
>>>
>>>In light of cross-species privileging, we strongly object to the
>>>expression,
>>>"the cat's meow," since it carries an unwarranted, positive connotation.
>>>Why
>>>not "the dog's bark" or, better yet, a generic expression: "the animal's
>>>noise"?
>>>
>>>We demand the right to the open and free practice of butt-sniffing and
>>>privates-licking without being subject to public ridicule and
>>>embarrassment.
>>>We
>>>Also demand equal opportunities with cats, who are often permitted to
>>>wander
>>>around on their own without identification licences or curfews; and that
>>>obedience
>>>schools, residential or otherwise, be closed immediately (we view these as
>>>institutes of systematic indoctrination).
>>>
>>>We want to see the immediate termination of tail docking, ear cropping,
>>>and
>>>any arbitrary cosmetic surgery. We ask that, to counter ageism, old dogs
>>>be
>>>given the opportunity to learn new tricks, but only if those tricks result
>>>in health benefits.
>>>
>>>We want the right to chase cars in designated chase lanes; the banning of
>>>leashes (these are instruments of excessive physical restraint and
>>>control);
>>>no
>>>more "walkies" at your whims (we demand participation in the
>>>decision-making
>>>process to determine the where, when and duration of all accompanied
>>>outings).
>>>
>>>We want to see the closing down of breeding facilities - otherwise known
>>>as
>>>puppy mills - created for your economic gain.
>>>
>>>If these rights and demands are not met, the following action will be
>>>taken:
>>>*We will no longer retrieve or fetch anything unless it is in our best
>>>interests; neither will we come when called, nor sit down, lie down, roll
>>>over, shake a paw, or play dead on demand. These "tricks" are degrading
>>>and
>>>arbitrary acts of control designed exclusively for your entertainment.
>>>*We will no longer find you when you are lost, save you when you are
>>>drowning, or bark when your house is on fire.
>>>*We will no longer sniff out drugs or explosives or hunt down criminals.
>>>These are your problems; you sort them out.
>>>*We will no longer suffer indignities by participating in dog shows that
>>>exploit us for media consumption and financial gain. The designation "best
>>>in show"
>>>promotes discrimination, breed profiling, and species stereotyping.
>>>*We will no longer pose for or endorse poker paintings. Royalties from
>>>previous paintings will henceforth be used to fund rehabilitation centres
>>>for treat-dependent dogs.
>>>In the case of the disabled who depend on our intelligence and selfless
>>>gift
>>>of vigilance, there will be only a revolving strike.
>>>
>>>While we acknowledge that we are sometimes referred to as "man's best
>>>friend," henceforth we wish to be known as "humanity's preferred partner."
>>>
>>>As partial compensation for past injustices, we request that you lobby the
>>>U.S. State Department and request that a likeness of Lassie be carved into
>>>Mount Rushmore, preferably beside Abraham Lincoln, whose faithful dog,
>>>Fido,
>>>was arbitrarily prevented from being taken to Washington, D.C., in 1860,
>>>the
>>>year Lincoln became president.
>>>
>>>Finally, we want the beaver to be taken off the Canadian nickel and
>>>replaced
>>>by the likeness of a comely labrador retriever. Much easier on the eyes.
>>>
>>>Dictated to Kim Blank of Victoria, B.C. by Gilbert (cocker spaniel),
>>>chairdog of the Canine Liberation Front (CLF).
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
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-- 
Julie McG
 Lindbergh High School class of 2009, participating member in Opera
Theater's Artist in Training Program, and proud graduate of Guiding
Eyes for the Blind

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that
everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal
life."
John 3:16