[nagdu] the body language workshop

Wed Apr 13 15:42:58 UTC 2011

Rebecca,

Good post, and I like your description of your corps experience.  It's the
other stuff that you describe in that couple's behavior that really counts,
not the words they use.

Sometimes, when I try to figure out why I'm still sometimes really
frustrated with people's dancing around the B word is because they are
generally of the nature of that couple.  It's not that they're uncomfortable
with or around me or that they're trying to put me down or bar me from
something.  It's just the word blind.  So when I feel annoyed or even
slightly insulted, even though I know it's just me and not them, I have an
internal conflict, which is frustrating and I'm annoyed with myself...
/lol/

I think I've come up with a fairly effective way to let people know that I'm
fine with the B word and that I actually prefer it that eases their
difficulties so we can all move past the awkwardness.  Honesty and humor can
go a long ways sometimes.  /grin/

Still, I just feel really annoyed sometimes by it all, even though I know
better and know it's no big deal and they don't mean to be hurtful.  It's
just me feeling annoyed because they hit a trigger without meaning to.  I'm
moving past even noticing now most of the time, so that's a relief for me.
/grin/

Tami Smith-Kinney

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of PICKRELL, REBECCA M (TASC)
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 10:04 AM
To: 'NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
Subject: Re: [nagdu] the body language workshop

I've hesitated to post on this thread. 
The couple that ran the fife and drum corps I marched with never said the
word "blind" around me or about me. It was always "sightless" with a long
pause before they would nearly whisper the word. 
It didn't bother me. These guys didn't bat an eye when I told them I wanted
to march. They admitted they didn't know how I would but assured me we'd
figure it out which we did. They gave me the same opportunities that
everybody else was given.  I was expected to behave according to the rules
of the corps.  I was given the same privileges everybody else was given. 

I learned an incredible amount from them. Some of the gems are 
"Whenever a boy says "trust me" don't. 
An engagement only counts if you have a ring and a date, otherwise the guy
just wants to sleep with you. 
The words used in Basic training are very bad. No, I will not tell you what
they are, and you'd better not use any of them. 
Somebody you care about will always find out when you do something you're
not supposed to. Think before you disappoint that person. 

Keep in mind, this was a group for children and teens.

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Julie J
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 11:55 AM
To: NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] the body language workshop

Yes, the presenter was rather odd in many respects, not just her choice of 
"hard of seeing".  I wanted to say something, but it seemed kind of rude to 
interrupt her lecture to point out her odd choice of phrasing. Except for 
the weird choice of words, what she said about blindness and body language 
was pretty good.

Julie

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Lisa Irving" <lirving1234 at cox.net>
To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users" 
<nagdu at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, April 10, 2011 8:13 PM
Subject: Re: [nagdu] the body language workshop

> I'm still hung up on the presenter's term, "hard of seeing". What the 
> heck! I had a similar experience at a diversity training work shop. Go 
> figure.
>
> Lisa and Bernie
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Julie J" <julielj at neb.rr.com>
> To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users" 
> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, April 09, 2011 1:00 PM
> Subject: [nagdu] the body language workshop
>
>
>> Heya all!
>>
>> I just got back from that body language workshop I talked about a few 
>> weeks ago.  I did learn some new things, but mostly it was common sense 
>> things...eye contact is good, staring is considered intimidating and lack

>> of eye contact is interpreted as hiding something.  There was lots more 
>> stuff like that.  She did a pretty good job of addressing physical issues

>> that could contribute to a difference in body language, a deaf/hard of 
>> hearing person not responding to a question or a visually impaired person

>> not responding to a waved greeting.  Although it was extremely annoying 
>> that she used the term "hard of seeing".
>>
>> She talked a lot about open and closed postures.  They are pretty much 
>> exactly what you'd think.  closed is head down, eyes averted, arms and/or

>> legs crossed, hands in pockets and the body turned away.  All of these 
>> indicate a closed affect.  She never really did get clear about what 
>> exactly this means.  To the best of my understanding it can be different 
>> depending on the person and the situation.  Closed body language can 
>> indicate nervousness, lack of repor, lack of interest,being uncomfortable

>> or generally not wanting to participate in the conversation.
>>
>> Open body language is just the opposite.  Generally you would face your 
>> belly button toward the other person with it not covered by crossed arms.

>> Looking toward the person, palms open held out such as in a high five, 
>> wave or handshake, leaning forward and head held up  are all open body 
>> language.  Generally these all indicate a willingness to communicate or 
>> interest in the other person.
>>
>> To gain repor with another person she suggested mimicking their body 
>> language.  they have their hands in pockets, you put your hands in 
>> pockets.  They rest their chin on their hand you do the same.  This is 
>> supposed to give people a feeling of sameness and familiarity.  Once this

>> repor is established you can do something using your body language and 
>> the other person will mimic your action.  In this way you can steer a 
>> person toward feeling more comfortable with you.
>>
>> All that said, I want to relate what happened when I first entered the 
>> classroom.  I didn't tell them in advance that I'm blind, have a guide 
>> dog and I didn't request any accommodations.  I wasn't taking this 
>> workshop for any particular reason other than personal interest.  and 
>> part of me wanted to find out just exactly how an instructor teaching 
>> body language would handle a blind person in their class.  So as I'm 
>> walking by trying to navigate the maze of tables to find a seat, the 
>> instructor flies out of her chair and moves toward Monty and me fast 
>> enough that Monty felt it important to move me out of her way.  While 
>> she's moving toward me she's rattling off question after question without

>> even a breath in between, "What's his name?Can I pet him? and then she 
>> reaches for Monty.  You guys have heard enough of my stories by now to 
>> know that Monty is not fond of weirdoes touching him.  Come to think of 
>> it, I'm not either, so I can totally understand where he's coming from. 
>> Monty backs away from her hand as I'm telling her that he's not into 
>> strangers touching him.  Fortunately she had sense enough to back off and

>> sit back down.
>>
>> For the next three hours I was thinking about this interaction and  what 
>> I could have done to prevent it in the context of body language.  I 
>> didn't make eye contact with her.  I didn't even know she was there until

>> she started spouting all her questions.  I wasn't facing her.  I had 
>> intentionally turned away from her and put myself in between her and 
>> Monty.  I didn't smile, nod or make any other gestures that were 
>> mentioned in the workshop that could have been interpreted as an 
>> invitation to come accost my dog.
>>
>> So what I am left with is that people are nutters and no amount of 
>> amazing body language skills are going to keep them at bay.   Or maybe 
>> because of my body language she got the hint and sat back down quickly. 
>> Perhaps body language can't prevent encounters, but it can end them more 
>> quickly.  I don't know.
>>
>> Julie
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