[nagdu] beginning to use a cane

[Tami Kinney]

Brenda,

A lot does depend on the people around you who are changing in how they 
treat you and communicating your status from their point of view all the 
time, loud and clear. Standing up to all that for any given individual 
depends on them and on the others around them, too. I was really 
fortunate to have some good friends who took my vision loss in stride 
and since I was working with them and engaged in volunteer activities 
with them and also really good friends on a social basis with them, they 
made it easy for me to keep my grip on myself because they were just 
there being sane while the rest of the world went, from my point of 
view, stark raving mad. Good grief!

The negative impact of the spouse was diminished by his work hours and 
frequent travel; otherwise, I'm not sure I would have made it. I could 
not believe how difficult it became to get the economic issues I faced 
as I was losing vision -- like how do I get the tools to keep working 
and earning a living -- so that I could divorce him without ending up 
unable to keep a roof over my head... He was also spending my savings no 
matter how I hid it or what steps I took to keep him out of it... He 
could simply not pay the rent and guess where I would have to go to deal 
with that? Incredible! Also, I had this much more serious disability 
that I was finally getting on top of and needed time to conquer, as well 
as some more modern medical options than were available way out there in 
the sticks. So...

Yeah, it's easy now to say that I just don't accept that I am not 
people. I had some good circumstances to help me with that during the 
early beginning stages of that adjustment. But the communication on all 
levels that I was of no account whatsoever, should have no expectations 
and no rights, should just stay out of the way and not bother people by 
going places with my white cane and... Unbelievable! Sooner or later, I 
just stopped noticing it, but when you're not used to that sort of thing 
It's impossible to just not hear it and be affected by it.

When the VR system turns out to be all about withholding information and 
training and tools while heavily reinforcing the notion that you are 
less than the less, especially when it starts to impact your career and 
earnings, this is not helpful. I'm still having people from out there 
come to me with their stories and wondering what they are to do, and it 
gets really tiring. Not because of them. I am glad they can find a safe 
place to confide and get better information, but... Seeing how it 
impacts them all around is just heartbreaking. And infuriating.

I am glad you have found your way to acceptance and strength! I think 
that once a person regains that stability from within themselves, that's 
way more than half the battle. Others can no longer define your reality 
for you, because you know what it is. And who you are! /grin/

Tami

On 12/22/2011 09:15 AM, Brenda wrote:
> That is good that you can do that. Not everyone is in the place you are
> at. Years ago I got involved in a 12-stepprogram which helped me accept
> myself as I am. It is still hard when you are bombarded with negativity.
> Maybe we should all move to your city.
>
> On 12/22/2011 11:49 AM, Sheila Leigland wrote:
>> I see many interesting posts on the subject on the cane. The most
>> disturbing one for me have to do with the perceptions of being a
>> second class citizen or worse than that. I'm not a second class
>> citizen or worse than that and I won't accept that kind of treatment
>> from anyone. I had to learn to stand up for myself and my right to
>> take up space on this planet and noone will take that away from me.
>>
>> Sheila Leiglan d
>>
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