[nagdu] Why so hard?

[Jenny Keller]

Hi Marcia,

I'm sorry this is coming so late.  

You know, I retired Brooks last Easter because he just stopped working and he let me know that by not guiding me around obstacles anymore.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done too.  But the reaction from the school that it was my choice to retire him hurt me even more than his retirement itself.

I too, had to let him go to a new family, because I didn't know how fast I would be getting a new dog from the school I applied for.  

It really messed me up for a while, and I wasn't sure if getting another dog was the thing I should do.  But after talking to the school I applied for, I learned things about Brooks and his quirks that he never should've been given out as a guide.  

That doesn't mean I love him any less.  It doesn't mean the heartache still isn't there.  It does mean that I know, for a fact, that I did everything I could do to make it work, and for me, it was doomed from the beginning.

I miss him terribly, and wish I could see him.  But I think it would be confusing to him for him to see me again.  

He's already had to go through the change of a new family, and my popping up again in his life, I think would confuse him, or make him feel like I'm abandoning him again when I don't take him home.

there are so many emotions that go along with retiring a dog.  I feel what you are feeling in my own way.  I'll never say I feel the same, cause no one feels the same emotions.  

Just know that whatever you feel, feel free to vent it on this list.  

I know, I sound like a moderator right? *smile*.  Which is funny talking to the moderator herself, but we all love you, and I hope i don't offend anyone by speaking for everyone here.  

We'll be here for you no matter what you need to say, or anything else you need.

Just let us know.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  

Be blessed in your grief, and know that Heavenly Father knows how you feel, and that his Son Jesus Christ has felt your pain too through the atonement.

blessings,

Jenny 
On Aug 22, 2012, at 8:49 PM, Juanita Herrera wrote:

> Marsha,
> I know that there are no words that anyone can say to relieve your
> pain of retiring Emma. Especially someone like me. What do I know. I
> have never experienced the retirement of a guide dog before, but the
> simple thought of losing Anise makes me shutter. I would probably be
> feeling the same way you are now. I know you will never forget Emma
> and that she'll always hold a special place in your heart. I'm sure
> your new pup will be special in its own way. I wish you the best of
> luck in class.
> Juanita and Anise and Baby Benson
> 
> On 8/22/12, Marsha Drenth <marsha.drenth at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hi List,
>> 
>> Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for
>> weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its
>> official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that over
>> and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so
>> hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can I
>> be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one
>> retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me, for
>> our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and I
>> hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and
>> hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this
>> house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me, watching
>> out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This beautiful German
>> Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me, who has traveled
>> on three different college campuses, traveled to numerous cities and places,
>> was in my life at the hardest and the happiness times of my life. She has
>> always been there. My Emma girl, my emmalena. My emma girl who will let
>> babies crawl all over her and not bat an eye lash, who will run, play and
>> jump with my older kids. The girl who has saved my life on numerous
>> occasions, and probably more times that I didn't know about. It just hurts
>> so very very much. Its like you know something in your heart, but your mind
>> hasn't kept up with that thought, and vice versa. Every time I have a
>> birthday I will remember my Emma and the day that we met. It was my present,
>> best one ever. A part of my grief is that I feel like I failed her. Yes she
>> got sick. Which changed her in so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I could
>> have done this or that. Why did I wait so long to to take her to the vet
>> with her EPI. She was a perfect dog for me. This girl had so much energy, so
>> much spunk, she fit me to the T. She absolutely loved working, and now she
>> doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!
>> 
>> The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to. And
>> over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and their
>> handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date for
>> another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with Emma.
>> 
>> 
>> Sorry for the rambling.
>> 
>> Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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> 
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