[nagdu] could have, would have, should have

[DJS]

Hi Bibi,

Thanks for your thoughtful words. You are so right when you say when you say
that other people that do not have a service animal can even begin to
understand the loss. I had a pet for 11 years before I got Scout. His name
was Falco. I raised him from a pup of 5 weeks. He knew me better than I knew
myself. It was when I had him that I lost my sight. He was about 3 years
old. We had gone through training because I knew he would be a handful if I
did not as he weighed 125 pounds. He was the most perfect dog. He heeled
right next to me. He stopped at every curb. When we went to the dog park by
my house, he never left my side unless I said it was ok, and then he came
back every few minutes to check on me. He never let anyone get too close to
me unless he knew it was ok. We would walk every morning and afternoon and
evening with my white cane.
I told him if I ever got another dog it would be a guide dog, so he could go
with me everywhere that Falco could not.
When I went to Michigan to get Scout, I knew something was wrong. I knew
nothing about guide dogs, but I knew dogs. When I went out on the course
just to heel Scout, I was exhausted. He was way too fast, and I kept telling
the trainers this. "Keep working on this", "back up when he goes too fast",
"make him sit until he calms down" - I did all of these things, and it was
like he ignored me.
When we did a training in Detroit, we were on a train, and my trainer had us
enter the train and told me to have the dog sit. Scout proceeded to lay down
in a sprawl. Her response was "at least he is down, so that's ok" - REALLY?
On another trip in a small town, we made an excursion over railroad tracks,
past some vacant lots, and some sidewalk dining. The first thing Scout did
was to take me off of the sidewalk into a vacant lot and on to dirt path to
sniff around  through the trail. The trainer rescued me, we continued. I
walked toward the dining tables, and he walked me right into a parked car. I
expressed how dissatisfied I was and all they said was it would take a lot
of work for to be a team. I told them I did better with a pet.
By the time I left I was furious.
I know I should have been more vocal, but they kept saying it would just
take work.
When I got home, to Denver, it was even worse. I would walk down the street
and he would not even pay attention to me. I could not even get his
attention with food.
I asked for help from a trainer, but they could not even have one available
for at least 5 months.
In the meantime - I was guided into my pond, broke my tooth, sprained my
ankle, and so much more. I just kept remembering it takes at least a year. I
believed that crap, and wasn't going to give up.
At home Scout was a perfect pup, and so full of love, who would put his huge
head on my foot and sleep. He was my shadow, licked my tears when I cried.
And so it went on for 3 and a half years. I really thought about keeping as
a pet, but I could even walk him on a leash. He was just too much dog.
The school has not even contacted me to see if I am ok. All they wanted is
to get the dog back. Maybe they thought I would cause trouble because of my
accident and it would look bad for one of their dogs. They have provided no
type of support for grief counseling, no kind words, or nothing.
My thanks go out to people like you and people on this list for being my
comfort and support. I certainly appreciate it.
I will probably get another guide dog someday, but Scout restricted my
freedom in so many ways, I need to work on mobility again, and I am so
behind on adaptive technology, I have to try to find out where to go from
here.
I am glad to know you are here in Denver, maybe we can meet for coffee or
lunch sometime.

Thanks so much for letting me rant.

Daniel

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Criminal Justice Major
Sent: Sunday, February 26, 2012 8:55 PM
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Subject: Re: [nagdu] could have, would have, should have

hi, Daniel,
This is Bibi and retired Pilot Dogs guide dog son Odie from Denver, 
Colorado.
Feel free to send me an email off list anytime at:
orleans24 at comcast.net
Please don't beat yourself over it and don't take it hard on yourself 
either.
I've had a mismatch which I tried to work with the dog for seven months.
Yes, I experienced the same devastation too, but it was much rougher during 
training when I got Odie.
I had to retire Freedom David Berry the same day I ended up getting Odie 
Harley Davidson five and a half hours later.
I'll admit that the director of training at Pilot wasn't too positive and he

was very negative where he just wanted me to give up on Freedom and send him

back.
The rest of the staff at Pilot didn't see it his way.
They encouraged me to try different techniques and I also went as far as to 
enroll him into obedience training classes at Petsmart, more because he was 
very skittish of noises.
The executive director of Pilot Dogs told me he was taking full 
responsibility for what had happened upon stating that Freedom should have 
never been allowed to be a guide dog in the first place because of the type 
of environment he was raised in.
Freedom was raised in a PBB (Puppy Behind Bars) program in a female setting 
prison.
He wasn't fond of men and he'd growl at them if felt threatened which 
majority of the time, it wasn't necessary.
My father began to suspect that Freedom had been beaten by a man, causing 
the dog to be intimidated.
Freedom David Berry took to very few men and sadly, it stayed that way.
Once I ended up with Odie, things slowly began to look up, despite that I 
still had painful feelings of letting Freedom go.
When I did talk with the executive director during the last week of training

at Pilot, I told him that I felt like I was a total failure that I failed 
Freedom David Berry completely.
He reassured me I wasn't a failure and explained the only reason why he had 
me come back to retrain with another guide dog was that I didn't give up and

continued to keep trying regardless of how stressful it was.
Confession time. I almost wanted to pack up my belongs and leave without 
another guide dog, more because Odie decided to be a big brat during 
training and he definitely gave me a run for my money.
I look back now and it was really worth it.
I would definitely encourage you to get another guide dog, but allow 
yourself to have some grieving time.
Take your time grieving for how long you need to.
you may also want to look into other guide dog schools as there are many 
others to choose from and what will fit your needs.
Guide dog users aren't the only ones who go through that agonizing feeling 
too as I've seen others with different types of service dogs experience 
mismatches or where the dog simply just just doesn't want to be a working 
dog.
My friend Amanda Dreher experienced it with her first hearing dog, Buddy.
She said that although he was a smart dog and International Hearing Dogs did

admit to putting out a dog who should have not been put out as a service 
dog, she tried everything and didn't give up.
She's on her second hearing dog, a Wheaton/caron terior mix who has been her

ears for three years and the match has worked out well for the two of them.
Although words don't really help anyone heal from a painful experience as 
this one, we're all here for you and remember that good things do come out 
of a negative impact.
Bibi, husband Dale and Odie
medical alert service dog
the happy spirited bounty labra wolf 


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