[nagdu] How to say goodbye

Star Gazer pickrellrebecca at gmail.com
Thu Mar 28 19:58:09 UTC 2013


Oh Meghan, I am so sorry. 
This braught tears to my eyes. 
Just love him and cry. In time the pain won't be so consuming, but you will
probably always have some painful moments. 
Again, I'm sorry.

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Meghan Whalen
Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 6:06 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: [nagdu] How to say goodbye

As I get ready to leave for class at TSE on Monday, I am cherishing every
moment with my Dayton boy. From 12 weeks, I have been his constant, and he
has been mine. I am the one who curled up with him on the floor so he could
fall asleep listening to my heartbeat when he was missing his litter mates
and his mom.
I am the one who taught him sit, come, stay, lay nicely under the table,
don't pick things up off the ground and I am always here.

Soon, though, both of our worlds will change, forever. He has become dog
aggressive. I thought it was only while he was working, but yesterday, he
started to act aggressively towards the other dogs in my home. I have come
to the realization that for the safety of my other dogs and my guide who I
will meet sometime next week, I need to find him a home where he can still
be the center of someone's world. It is true that he has always shared me
with others, but as my guide, for hours of every day, he was the only dog.
He came to work while everyone else stayed home etc etc. You all know what I
mean, I think.
I don't think he can cope well with the downgrade to pet. I don't think he
can adjust to having to share me most of the time.

We just finished a 35 minute session of fetch out in my driveway, and I kept
thinking, "This may be the last time I ever throw a ball for him."...so I
kept throwing it one more time. I don't know when the last hug, the last
gentle lick or the last snuggle will happen, because I don't know when that
perfect home will be found. I do know that there is a good chance I will
never see him again after this Sunday when he leaves to stay with a trusted
friend and colleague. No one can love my boy like I do, but I hope they can
do just as well, in their own way. He just turned three on the eleventh of
this month, so he has a lot of life and joy ahead of him.

He has been attacked four different times since I got him. The last time was
the only one that left physical damage. The build up of time and time again
has taught him not to trust other dogs, and who could blame a guy? I am so
very proud of all he learned with me. From traffic training to platform
refusal, he has aced everything I have thrown at him. He is a superhero, but
he has just been scared and hurt one too many times to keep us both safe
anymore. I am devastated, and I hope he finds happiness and fulfillment
wherever he ends up calling home.

Thank you for reading, it helps to know I am not alone in my pain.
Meghan


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