[nagdu] How to say goodbye

[Julie J.]

Meghan,

I am so sorry.  I think when you owner train there are a hole new set of 
emotions layered on top of the emotions any guide dog handler faces.  I know 
when I stopped working Belle, I went through feelings of failure, not trying 
hard enough, giving up on her, feeling inadequate, relief, feeling like it 
was the right thing and then I'd start over.  Sometimes I'd go through all 
of this in just a few minutes.

I haven't worked her as a guide in years.  When I take her on walks I still 
cross to the other side of the street if there is another dog ahead.  She's 
a lot better now, but there are still lingering issues.  This past Christmas 
when she was at the dog sitters, was the first time she has been able to run 
and play with the entire pack of dogs there.  Previously the dog sitter lady 
has had to screen potential playmates so Belle would be comfortable and not 
afraid.

Dog attacks are such a serious issue.  I feel like something needs to be 
done, but what...I don't know.  I feel helpless when I hear the jingle of 
tags moving toward me rapidly and without any barking or growling.  I 
freeze, paralyzed with fear.  I've got it down to only about half a second 
before my conscious mind takes over and I can do what needs done.  I know I 
need to stay calm for Monty, but how do you do that when your primitive mind 
takes over?  I think it's the same way for the dogs.  Once they get into 
that cycle of the non conscious mind in the drivers seat, it is very hard 
for training to work, because training only works when a dog is able to 
think rationally.

I wish I had an answer.  I wish dog attacks weren't one of the common 
reasons guide dogs have to be retired.  I wish people would be responsible 
with their dogs and respect other's rights.  All I can offer are virtual 
hugs.  You know you can call anytime if you need to talk.

Julie


-----Original Message----- 
From: Meghan Whalen
Sent: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 5:06 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: [nagdu] How to say goodbye

As I get ready to leave for class at TSE on Monday, I am cherishing
every moment with my Dayton boy. From 12 weeks, I have been his
constant, and he has been
mine. I am the one who curled up with him on the floor so he could fall
asleep listening to my heartbeat when he was missing his litter mates
and his mom.
I am the one who taught him sit, come, stay, lay nicely under the table,
don't pick things up off the ground and I am always here.

Soon, though, both of our worlds will change, forever. He has become dog
aggressive. I thought it was only while he was working, but yesterday,
he started
to act aggressively towards the other dogs in my home. I have come to
the realization that for the safety of my other dogs and my guide who I
will meet
sometime next week, I need to find him a home where he can still be the
center of someone's world. It is true that he has always shared me with
others,
but as my guide, for hours of every day, he was the only dog. He came to
work while everyone else stayed home etc etc. You all know what I mean,
I think.
I don't think he can cope well with the downgrade to pet. I don't think
he can adjust to having to share me most of the time.

We just finished a 35 minute session of fetch out in my driveway, and I
kept thinking, "This may be the last time I ever throw a ball for
him."...so I
kept throwing it one more time. I don't know when the last hug, the last
gentle lick or the last snuggle will happen, because I don't know when
that perfect
home will be found. I do know that there is a good chance I will never
see him again after this Sunday when he leaves to stay with a trusted
friend and
colleague. No one can love my boy like I do, but I hope they can do just
as well, in their own way. He just turned three on the eleventh of this
month,
so he has a lot of life and joy ahead of him.

He has been attacked four different times since I got him. The last time
was the only one that left physical damage. The build up of time and
time again
has taught him not to trust other dogs, and who could blame a guy? I am
so very proud of all he learned with me. From traffic training to
platform refusal,
he has aced everything I have thrown at him. He is a superhero, but he
has just been scared and hurt one too many times to keep us both safe
anymore. I
am devastated, and I hope he finds happiness and fulfillment wherever he
ends up calling home.

Thank you for reading, it helps to know I am not alone in my pain.
Meghan


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