[Nebraska-students] Parents

[Karen Anderson]

Rachel and all,

I think we've hit on one of the toughest questions we face as blind
people. Its easy for us to say that blindness is just a
characteristic, like having dark hair or being short, but its  hard
when that isn't how the rest of the world sees it. Especially when its
family. The one nice thing is that we have each other to bounce ideas
off of.

I can't say I have any universal ansers, but here's how I handled things.
On the surface my family has always been okay with the fact that I'm
blind. My mom was blind, so it wasn't like it was some huge shock to
anyone when I became blind too. They always told me that I could do
anything I wanted, and had high expectations of me. That isn't so
unlike some other parents of blind kids I know. Mine were okay with
Braille, and they even encouraged me to have a cane with me at all
times, though we went everywhere sighted guide with mom on one side of
dad and me on the other. (Yep, lots of jokes come to mind with that,
and we all made them and laughed.)
When I started wanting to use my cane when I walked with Dad, things
got sticky. When I told Dad I wanted to come to Louisiana for training
they got downright messy. That wasn't because he doesn't want what's
best for me. He just thought I already had it covered. We had our fair
share of yelling matches, especially when I told him that I was
staying down here an extra semester to finish things up right. I don't
know that he really gets it now, but we did have a good talk over
Christmas break. He asked me if I thought it was worth it, if I
thought I'd made the right decision by coming down here. When I told
him yes, he asked me why. And rather than telling him the same stuff
I'd told him a hundred times before, I talked about some of the things
I've done here that I would have been afraid to do before. I don't
think he ever realized that I was scared, or uncomfortable with
certain things, because I never really wanted him to realize it. I
don't think any of us really like to show weekness, even to the people
who love us most.

I couldn't even have come close to having my family be okay with my
blindness, the fact that I now use a cane that doesn't fold up and
hide, all of that, until I started being okay with it. I've talked to
a lot of people, and most of us agree there isn't one specific moment
when all of a sudden you're just okay with the fact that you're blind.
It takes time. Having other blind people around you helps, and sighted
people who treat you like any other person. I personally think going
to a training center is also a huge help, because everyone is going
through the same experiences and can offer support. Having your
parents visit the center with you might help, too, or having them go
to your center graduation.

I have a feeling, though I can't really varify this, that one thing
families are most afraid of when we start going out and exploring
blindness alternatives, is that we're going to change who we are. We
start doing things differently, and they wonder if they know us any
more. The easiest way to combat that, at least for me, has been to
just go out and keep living my life. If you like to sing, you should
keep singing, and take your cane on stage with you. If cooking is your
thing, keep making dinner for your family, just do it using the
alternatives you learn. Reading, knitting, whatever, just keep doing
the stuff you love with your family and friends.

I think its also important to realize that there don't have to be 2
seperet worlds, your blindness world and the world where your sighted
friends reside. That pulls you in two directions, and makes your
family worry that they don't know you or your friends any more. My
sighted friends and blind friends mix on a fairly regular basis, and I
don't think many of them really give it much thought any more. A
friend is a friend, and family is family, whether they can see or not.
Introducing blind friends to your parents, having them come to
conventions, all of that helps. My dad's never been too interested in
the NFB, he's never been to a convention, but we've held plenty of
parties at our house, and I don't think he really thinks about who's
blind or sighted any more either.

Some people said that sometimes family just doesn't get it, and
doesn't want to get it. Unfortunately, sometimes that's true. i don't
think we should ever entirely give up, but at some point we have to
sit down and ask ourselves what's best for us, and do it, regardless
of whether they understand or not. In the end, as hard as that can be,
"Its my life."

Hopefully this helps. If not, I may still be able to get some use out
of it when I submit it for the record for the longest list post ever
written.

Karen

On 2/10/10, Countryperson94 at aol.com <Countryperson94 at aol.com> wrote:
> I know. It's sad but very true.
> Kelly
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