[Nebraska-students] Parents

[Amy Mason]

Rachael and everybody,

This is always a hard one.  I guess, I'm not the best person to talk about
dealing with parents, because honestly I don't have a great rapport with my
dad at all.  To be honest he doesn't understand my blindness, but I don't
understand much of where he's coming from on most fronts, and really that's
a two way street.  When you can work with people to help them understand
your position, it is best, but sometimes, it seems you have to just decide
that you will disagree and be all right with that.  I'm not going into my
history here, but I can say that where it concerns my dad, the relationship
isn't healthy, and trying to meet unreasonable expectations makes me
unhealthy.  In the end, as far as he is concerned, I have had to realize
that this is my life.  The way I handle my blindness, my career, my faith,
etc... is my decision. Its not bad to get advice, but in the end, it is your
life and you will have to make decisions that are right for you that may
hurt or anger others.  I am not suggesting that it is wise to be rebellious
for the sake of rebellion, but when you know that something is beneficial to
you without being "harmful" to others, even if they disagree with it, you
have to stand up for yourself and do what needs to be done.  Its a hard
lesson to learn, but sometimes that is the only way to grow and to be happy
in your own life.

I have a very good relationship with my mother, and I think that part of
that is the same thing really. When I've had to make decisions that my
parents disagreed with, I've tried to explain them in a loving and
respectful way, but at the end of the day, I simply felt that I had to go
through with those decisions, and hope that the way things turned out would
be the true test of whether or not it was the right decision.  In blindness
issues at least, I've been fairly fortunate to have had friends and family
in the Federation that were able to help me understand my blindness and see
the need for training, and standing on my own. My mom didn't always agree
with the way I handled my blindness, she was very opposed to my cane, and
for a while my parents believed that I had "faked" it to be more like my
friends when I lost some vision in high school. In the end, I had to just
disagree with them on these points, and it did make life hard for a while.
My dad never has come to accept it, but my mom, after seeing how much I have
changed for the better, is now very strongly behind me, and sees why I use a
cane, and live as the blind person I am.

As to terminology, yes, we prefer to be called blind, but some battles
aren't worth pursuing. If they are more comfortable calling you visually
impaired, continue to call yourself blind, explain why if they ask, and
decide from there if this is something that is worth getting into a battle
over, or if its just an area where you live and let live.  Part of dealing
with parents is deciding which issues are worth getting excited over, and
for me at least, this was never a priority.  I hope that my thoughts don't
cause you too much difficulty, but to say it simply, sometimes, you have to
make decisions that your parents won't agree with. Do it in a respectful
way, be humble and willing to discuss it, but if you feel that strongly
about it, you have to go ahead and make that decision in the end.

Amy