[nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication

[John Lee Clark]

Haben:

While most of the social gatherings we find ourselves in are all signers,
there are some in which there are some nonsigners.  Take my wife's side of
the family.  Her father doesn't sign much nor does two of her five aunts.
Even in those situations, no one has any special interpreting obligations.
If my father-in-law wants to develop a relationship with me, he has to learn
to sign more.  We do not allow him to use my mother-in-law to talk with us
at any length.  Unfortunately, he has never made any serious moves to learn
more.  The result is that my wife and her father do not have a relationship.
It's his choice, really.  early in my marriage, I made overtures, but none
of them led to anything.  

This might as well be, because if someone really wants to have a
relationship with you, you two will naturally strive to communicate with
each other and do what it takes.  If there is a relationship in which there
is an interpreter is always used, that means one of the parties wants the
relationship more than the other.  I've known some people who have only one
person in the family who interprets between the two languages, and one or
both of the sides would latch onto that person and take advantage of the
interpreting instead of making any progress toward communicating with each
other independently.  I think this is sick.  My wifee and I don't want
anyone to have this role, or have this as an excuse to avoid making their
own efforts.  By adhering to this principle, we've had several family
members make their choices and make progress.  Yes, some still refuse, but
that's their loss.  I mean, the very fact they're refusing tells you they
are probably not worth having a serious relationship with anyway.

So you gotta determine what boundaries you're going to establish, then you
just let the consequent dynamic take care of itself.  It may mean letting go
of some hopes that some would respect you--you would be very right to hope
this very much, but it's their choice, and you have a choice, too, whether
to let that go or bleed.

John 

-----Original Message-----
From: nfb-db-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nfb-db-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Haben Girma
Sent: Sunday, June 07, 2009 11:21 PM
To: NFB Deaf-Blind Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication


Thanks for explaining all of that, John. In trying to imagine the 
situation, I had totally loverlooked that fact that in an all-signing 
group anyone could interpret what the rest of the group is saying. Then 
your wife doesn't have any special powers of communication that members 
of the group would lack. All can sign, and all can communicate with you.

Haben

John Lee Clark wrote:
> Haben:
>
> Sure, I find myself in groups and I often host them.  However, ninety
> percent of the conversations are between two people.  They just do it in a
> group setting.  It is rare for a true group conversation to happen that
> includes the group as a whole.
>
> Yes, I would talk with the people on either side of me, but I also have an
> extra chair so that anyone else can come over and sit there to talk
directly
> with me.  There may be brief spurts of interpreting involved, such as two
> other people having a conversation and one of them says that I know
> something about something and asks me through one of the people sitting
next
> to me.  If it happens that this question leads to a whole new conversation
> that is getting deeper, I ask the person to come and sit in that chair so
we
> can continue the conversation.
>
> When I am the host, I'd be too busy for a serious conversation during the
> meal.  So while I am attending to everyone's needs, I'[d just have short
> conversations with everyone in turn as I go around.  I'll have time for
> longer conversations later in the evening.  
>
> In the event there is a real group discussion or when someone is
addressing
> the group as a whole, I might have the person next to me at that moment
> interpret for me, or I'd sit next to the person who is signing to the
whole
> group, meaning there's no interpreter.  My wife has sometimes interpreted
in
> this scenario, but not often.  We rarely sit next to each other.  After
all,
> we are together every day at home.  But if she does interpret, it would be
> because she happens to be in the right spot or has offered to, but anyone
> else in the group could be the same.  It's not like she has a special or
> extra responsibility for me.  Just anyone would do, and it's just part of
> the flow.
>
> If there are other deaf-blind people in the group, or the group is all
> deafblind, things may be different, but even in the entirely deafblind
> group, interpreting may come up.  I've often interpreted myself, as a
relay
> interpreter or a chain interpreter.  
>
> Remember that one principle is that whatever I get myself involved in, it
is
> something I can do on my own just as well as with my wife.  If it's
> something where I would have trouble on my own, I'd make other
arrangements
> even if my wife is involved.  This is to say, whether or not my wife is
> there should make absolutely no difference.
>
> Does this help?
>
> John
>
>   
>
>
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>   

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