[nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication

Tue Jun 9 05:32:55 UTC 2009

John, I really really appreciate that you're explaining this all to me. 
I need to see both sides of the situation so I can then make my own 
informed decisions. Often times when someone doesn't make the standard 
number of friends it is said that the person isn't trying hard enough to 
meet new people, isn't outgoing enough, or some other such character 
flaw. When there is language barrier, though, it becomes more obvious 
that sometimes the issue that so many are too lazy to learn the new 
language. Is your wife's mother deaf? It would be hard to imagine that 
she would live with a man who refuses to sign if she is deaf... 
Friendships require smooth communication, and for the deaf often ASL is 
the medium for smooth communication.  Even intercultural couples find a 
language they share, often times, that is.So John, you're probably quite 
skeptical of deaf/hearing relationships since the chances of all the 
hearing person's friends and family learning ASL is very slim, forcing 
the two to have separate social lives?

Haben

John Lee Clark wrote:
> Haben:
>
> While most of the social gatherings we find ourselves in are all signers,
> there are some in which there are some nonsigners.  Take my wife's side of
> the family.  Her father doesn't sign much nor does two of her five aunts.
> Even in those situations, no one has any special interpreting obligations.
> If my father-in-law wants to develop a relationship with me, he has to learn
> to sign more.  We do not allow him to use my mother-in-law to talk with us
> at any length.  Unfortunately, he has never made any serious moves to learn
> more.  The result is that my wife and her father do not have a relationship.
> It's his choice, really.  early in my marriage, I made overtures, but none
> of them led to anything.  
>
> This might as well be, because if someone really wants to have a
> relationship with you, you two will naturally strive to communicate with
> each other and do what it takes.  If there is a relationship in which there
> is an interpreter is always used, that means one of the parties wants the
> relationship more than the other.  I've known some people who have only one
> person in the family who interprets between the two languages, and one or
> both of the sides would latch onto that person and take advantage of the
> interpreting instead of making any progress toward communicating with each
> other independently.  I think this is sick.  My wifee and I don't want
> anyone to have this role, or have this as an excuse to avoid making their
> own efforts.  By adhering to this principle, we've had several family
> members make their choices and make progress.  Yes, some still refuse, but
> that's their loss.  I mean, the very fact they're refusing tells you they
> are probably not worth having a serious relationship with anyway.
>
> So you gotta determine what boundaries you're going to establish, then you
> just let the consequent dynamic take care of itself.  It may mean letting go
> of some hopes that some would respect you--you would be very right to hope
> this very much, but it's their choice, and you have a choice, too, whether
> to let that go or bleed.
>
> John 
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nfb-db-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nfb-db-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Haben Girma
> Sent: Sunday, June 07, 2009 11:21 PM
> To: NFB Deaf-Blind Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication
>
>
> Thanks for explaining all of that, John. In trying to imagine the 
> situation, I had totally loverlooked that fact that in an all-signing 
> group anyone could interpret what the rest of the group is saying. Then 
> your wife doesn't have any special powers of communication that members 
> of the group would lack. All can sign, and all can communicate with you.
>
> Haben
>
> John Lee Clark wrote:
>   
>> Haben:
>>
>> Sure, I find myself in groups and I often host them.  However, ninety
>> percent of the conversations are between two people.  They just do it in a
>> group setting.  It is rare for a true group conversation to happen that
>> includes the group as a whole.
>>
>> Yes, I would talk with the people on either side of me, but I also have an
>> extra chair so that anyone else can come over and sit there to talk
>>     
> directly
>   
>> with me.  There may be brief spurts of interpreting involved, such as two
>> other people having a conversation and one of them says that I know
>> something about something and asks me through one of the people sitting
>>     
> next
>   
>> to me.  If it happens that this question leads to a whole new conversation
>> that is getting deeper, I ask the person to come and sit in that chair so
>>     
> we
>   
>> can continue the conversation.
>>
>> When I am the host, I'd be too busy for a serious conversation during the
>> meal.  So while I am attending to everyone's needs, I'[d just have short
>> conversations with everyone in turn as I go around.  I'll have time for
>> longer conversations later in the evening.  
>>
>> In the event there is a real group discussion or when someone is
>>     
> addressing
>   
>> the group as a whole, I might have the person next to me at that moment
>> interpret for me, or I'd sit next to the person who is signing to the
>>     
> whole
>   
>> group, meaning there's no interpreter.  My wife has sometimes interpreted
>>     
> in
>   
>> this scenario, but not often.  We rarely sit next to each other.  After
>>     
> all,
>   
>> we are together every day at home.  But if she does interpret, it would be
>> because she happens to be in the right spot or has offered to, but anyone
>> else in the group could be the same.  It's not like she has a special or
>> extra responsibility for me.  Just anyone would do, and it's just part of
>> the flow.
>>
>> If there are other deaf-blind people in the group, or the group is all
>> deafblind, things may be different, but even in the entirely deafblind
>> group, interpreting may come up.  I've often interpreted myself, as a
>>     
> relay
>   
>> interpreter or a chain interpreter.  
>>
>> Remember that one principle is that whatever I get myself involved in, it
>>     
> is
>   
>> something I can do on my own just as well as with my wife.  If it's
>> something where I would have trouble on my own, I'd make other
>>     
> arrangements
>   
>> even if my wife is involved.  This is to say, whether or not my wife is
>> there should make absolutely no difference.
>>
>> Does this help?
>>
>> John
>>
>>   
>>
>>
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>>   
>>     
>
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