[nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication

[Maurice Mines]

hi that is way we have the nfb and nfb-db so blindness is not a tragty  
for mor info please go to http://www.nfb.org
On Jun 15, 2009, at 11:30 AM, John Lee Clark wrote:

> Haben:
>
> It's denial.  And fear.  Some refuse to learn tactile listening  
> because they
> think it would mean losing all of their friends because the tactile  
> is a
> sign of blindness.  But ironically, it is precisely their denial and  
> refusal
> to adapt that drives away their friends.  Instead of realizing this,  
> they
> often hold their loss of friends as a proof that they WILL lose  
> everything
> else if they became more blind.  It is very hard to get through to  
> them that
> if they adapt, they will not lose anything but in fact gain more  
> than they
> have and their quality of life would be improved.
>
> This is a common problem among all human beings.  It is fascinating  
> how
> irrational people can become in slow-burning situations, such as being
> tangled in an abusive relationship.  For example, the victim of  
> abuse often
> thinks it is her fault, that she's a terrible person, and she was  
> the one to
> cause the abuser to beat her up.  Domestic violence counselors have  
> a hard
> time getting the reality through.  Abuse victims usually get back to  
> their
> ab users seven times before finally leaving the relationship for good.
>
> While that's not an ideal analogy, it does show a human side that is
> baffling and hard to understand.  Usually, if the DB person is not  
> receptive
> to learning how to adapt, the best thing to do is let the train wreck
> happen.  That is, they need to find out for themselves, they need to  
> hit
> bottom.
>
> But the problem is that many times nobody would let them hit bottom.
> Instead, professionals try to "help" DB people in whatever choices  
> they
> make, and they would repeat things patiently and endlessly, they  
> would go to
> great lengths so they can use their eyes, such as getting a dark  
> background,
> getting stronger lighing, signing smaller, etc. etc.  Tthis is like,  
> you
> know, enabling.  This only extends the length of the denial and
> irrationality.
>
> Another way to put it is that those DB people often don't experience
> consequences of their actions and choices.  There are professionals  
> and
> others who give false consequences.  For example a DB person who  
> refuses to
> use a cane goes to a DB event and bumps into people, causing two  
> people to
> fall down badly, and he trips over a toddler, badly brusing the  
> toddler.
> What people would say is "That's OK.  We understand you can't see so  
> it's
> not your fault."  Well, in my opinion, it is NOT okay.  I mean, he  
> HURT
> people physically!  Sure, he can't see, but he is still  
> responsible!  There
> is the cane, there's the guide dog, there are mobility techniques,  
> etc.  If
> something happened in spite of the person's making good choices and  
> being
> responsible, that's when you can say it's not his fault.  Sometimes  
> those
> things happen, where nobody did anything wrong.  But this DB guy is  
> not in
> that situation.  The situation is he made bad choices by not using a  
> cane.
> But he continues because he is enabled.
>
> What I would really like is for a huge dose of reality to be  
> injected here.
> He should be told that it's not OK, that he should be using a cane.   
> He
> should be told that if he can't be responsible for respecting the  
> safety of
> others, he's not welcome there.  He should be constantly offered the
> opportunity to learn how to adapt.  He might even be sued for public
> misconduct.
>
> He should be exposed to real and natural consequences of his actions.
> That's what I mean by letting the train wreck happen.  Reality needs  
> to be
> allowed to hit his head.  That's not the best way to learn, no.   
> Much better
> if he was already open and receptive.  But if that's not the case,  
> then he
> needs to learn it the hard way.
>
> You know what I'm saying?  What do you think?  Any ideas for other  
> ways to
> help some DB people see the reality?
>
> John
>
>
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