[nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication

[John Lee Clark]

Haben:

It's denial.  And fear.  Some refuse to learn tactile listening because they
think it would mean losing all of their friends because the tactile is a
sign of blindness.  But ironically, it is precisely their denial and refusal
to adapt that drives away their friends.  Instead of realizing this, they
often hold their loss of friends as a proof that they WILL lose everything
else if they became more blind.  It is very hard to get through to them that
if they adapt, they will not lose anything but in fact gain more than they
have and their quality of life would be improved.  

This is a common problem among all human beings.  It is fascinating how
irrational people can become in slow-burning situations, such as being
tangled in an abusive relationship.  For example, the victim of abuse often
thinks it is her fault, that she's a terrible person, and she was the one to
cause the abuser to beat her up.  Domestic violence counselors have a hard
time getting the reality through.  Abuse victims usually get back to their
ab users seven times before finally leaving the relationship for good.

While that's not an ideal analogy, it does show a human side that is
baffling and hard to understand.  Usually, if the DB person is not receptive
to learning how to adapt, the best thing to do is let the train wreck
happen.  That is, they need to find out for themselves, they need to hit
bottom.  

But the problem is that many times nobody would let them hit bottom.
Instead, professionals try to "help" DB people in whatever choices they
make, and they would repeat things patiently and endlessly, they would go to
great lengths so they can use their eyes, such as getting a dark background,
getting stronger lighing, signing smaller, etc. etc.  Tthis is like, you
know, enabling.  This only extends the length of the denial and
irrationality.

Another way to put it is that those DB people often don't experience
consequences of their actions and choices.  There are professionals and
others who give false consequences.  For example a DB person who refuses to
use a cane goes to a DB event and bumps into people, causing two people to
fall down badly, and he trips over a toddler, badly brusing the toddler.
What people would say is "That's OK.  We understand you can't see so it's
not your fault."  Well, in my opinion, it is NOT okay.  I mean, he HURT
people physically!  Sure, he can't see, but he is still responsible!  There
is the cane, there's the guide dog, there are mobility techniques, etc.  If
something happened in spite of the person's making good choices and being
responsible, that's when you can say it's not his fault.  Sometimes those
things happen, where nobody did anything wrong.  But this DB guy is not in
that situation.  The situation is he made bad choices by not using a cane.
But he continues because he is enabled.  

What I would really like is for a huge dose of reality to be injected here.
He should be told that it's not OK, that he should be using a cane.  He
should be told that if he can't be responsible for respecting the safety of
others, he's not welcome there.  He should be constantly offered the
opportunity to learn how to adapt.  He might even be sued for public
misconduct.

He should be exposed to real and natural consequences of his actions.
That's what I mean by letting the train wreck happen.  Reality needs to be
allowed to hit his head.  That's not the best way to learn, no.  Much better
if he was already open and receptive.  But if that's not the case, then he
needs to learn it the hard way.

You know what I'm saying?  What do you think?  Any ideas for other ways to
help some DB people see the reality?

John