[Nfbf-l] Lets slice lemons in lemonville!

Wed Apr 1 23:21:08 UTC 2009

Wow , I can't wait for all those bars!
Man oh man, can we have a sock hop and practice 
some doo wop in da halls.
I bet you can even snag a drag there too.
later,
Big Bopper

In a message dated 4/1/2009 6:24:35 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,  
minichiellog at comcast.net writes:

I aplaud  you Dan. That was great!
Maybe the board should discuss a multi-year  contract and see if they will 
give us a better rate. 

Gina Minichiello,  Board Member
National Federation of the Blind of Florida
Treasurer,  Greater Jacksonville Chapter
minichiellog at comcast.net

----- Original  Message -----
From: Dan Hicks <danjhicks at yahoo.com>
To:  nfbf-l at nfbnet.org, NFBF-Leaders at yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wed, 1 Apr 2009  11:09:13 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: [Nfbf-l] Exciting Changes in Our Upcoming  Convention

Fellow Federation Convention Enthusiasts.

Please read  this announcement carefully and in its entirety. It contains 
important  information. 

Have you grown tired of NFBF Conventions because they are  always being held 
in Florida's nicest, most comfortable hotels? Are you weary  of carpet on the 
floors, the availability of room service, and air  conditioning? Well, if this 
is you, will be thrilled at the changes the  National Federation of the Blind 
of Florida is making to our upcoming NFBF  State Convention. 

The changes were announced at a special press  conference, held earlier 
today. 

NFBF President Kathy Davis began with  a momentous announcement, before 
taking questions. 

"As you all know,  the state of Florida has recently been impacted with 
revenue shortfalls. In  order to conserve funds, our legislature has closed some of 
our state's  facilities of incarceration. One of these is the Lemonville 
State Penitentiary  in Sunshine County, a facility which, until recently, housed 
more than 500  inmates. Rather than let the penitentiary go vacant, we have 
decided to use it  to hold this year's state convention. This is the first 
convention we have  held in beautiful Sunshine County, which is located somewhere 
south of  Tallahassee and somewhat north of Miami." 

First Vice President Dwight  Sayer said, "You could say we art taking 
Lemonville, and making lemonade.  

Second vice President Dan Hicks said, "We are only the second state  
affiliate to hold its convention in a prison. The Kansas affiliate recently  held its 
state convention at Leavenworth Penitentiary. However, they sound  found it 
may have not been a good idea to hold the convention at a facility  which is 
still in being utilized to house inmates. But, being as Lemonville is  officially 
closed, we won't have to deal with any unnecessary confusion or  hostage 
situations or anything like that." 

NFBF Board Member Betty  McNally said "The local chapter of Florida's Ex-Cons 
has already put Braille  on all the cells. I am pleased to say that it is 
almost 90 per cent accurate.  You really don't want to criticize the work those 
guys do."

NFBF  President Kathy Davis introduced Elvira Grundlespike, who used to be 
the chief  warden at the Lemonville facility. Grundlespike said, "We are really 
happy to  have your club meet at our lovely penitentiary. It has been fully 
cleaned and  decorated, with most of the graffiti removed or painted over."

NFBF  Secretary Sherri Brun asked about banquet and meeting facilities.  

Grundlespike said that the prison features several classrooms, which  will 
work great for the seminars and breakout sessions. There is also a large  chow 
hall, which will be suitable for all general sessions and the banquet.  The 
kitchen is adequate for a group twice the size of that expected to attend  the 
NFBF convention. 

NFBF Treasurer Gloria Hicks said, "We are going  to save a lot of money!"

Grundlespike, who still wears a holster even  though she no longer carries a 
gun, said, "We will provide all eating  utensils. We have an enormous supply 
of tin cups, most with few or no dents in  them." She added quickly, "Oh, I 
hope I am not being disrespectful to offer  tin cups to blind people. I meant no 
offence." 

Kathy Davis assured her  that none was taken and that the members of the 
organization would need  something to drink from during the Manger's Reception. 

"Oh, that  reminds me," Grundlespike added, "This prison used to be Sunshine 
County's  number one industry. Since it closed, the area has had to live on 
income from  our local wineries. We have some very good vintages. The Sunshine 
County  Winery has agreed to donate 2,000 boxes of its finest whites, blushes, 
and  reds to you for your convention."

"Wow," said Dwight, "that is very  generous of them. Tell me, how many 
bottles are in each box?"

"Oh,  there are no bottles," said Grundlespike. "The wine itself comes it 
one-liter  boxes, but each comes with its own drinking straw. And, I can assure 
you it is  delicious."

Board member Gina Minichiello said, "There are enough cells  that each person 
can have his or hew own, though most of us will want to  double up. Many of 
the cells have bunk beads, so families can share. Each cell  has its own 
bathroom -- well bathroom area. Each cell has its own sink  and...uh...facilities. 
They are all very clean, I have been assured. At first  I was concerned about 
privacy. There is space between those bars, you know.  But there isn't enough 
light for anyone to see much of  anything."

Former Warden Grundlespike said, Lights out is at 10:00 PM.  After that 
everybody is blind!...Oh, I didn't mean to cause  offense."

"None taken," Kathy said. "Are there any  questions?"

NFBF Board Member Sabrina Deaton said, "I am concerned that  there aren't any 
nearby restaurants or bars for those who wish to travel  outside the 
penitentiary grounds."

Ms. Grundlespike answered, "Well,  there is great food in the chow hall. 
Their oatmeal is out of this world. We  have all of that free wine. The winery 
wasn't able to sell much of it after  that silly recall business, but I assure 
you it is delicious. There are no  nearby restaurants, it is true, but we have 
many, many bars." She laughed,  uproariously. 

NFBF Treasurer Gloria Hicks said, "We are going to save  a lot of money!"

Dwight Sayer said, as a fundraiser, we will be taking  pictures of members 
and guests, seated in "Old Sparkly," world's only  rhinestone-studded electric 
chair. He added, "Don't worry. The power is turned  off and the chair is 
unplugged. I'm not making that mistake again.  

Board Member Sherrill O'Brien said, "We have discovered a supply of  
thousands of brand new, very stylish, orange jumpsuits. These will make great  door 
prizes and we can sell some of them with boxes of wine at the  auction."

NFBF Board Member Betty McNally said, "After we get the  license place making 
machinery up and running, we will be making and selling  special Whozit 
license plates. This will be after we get legislative approval,  of course."

NFBF Treasurer Gloria Hicks said, "We are going to raise a  lot of money!"
She then asked about the availability of a sound  system.

Grundlespike answered, "The chow hall has a great PA system.  When Johnny 
Cash played Lemonville, there was a bit of commotion from the more  avid fans, 
and he had to depart rather quickly, leaving his sound system  behind. We have 
been using it ever since. And, hey, if it's good enough for  Johnny, it ought 
to be good enough for you folks."

So there you have  it. The exciting announcement about our upcoming 
convention. 

Anybody  who takes this too seriously should just look at the date this 
message was  sent. 

For the real -- non-April Fools Day -- information about our  upcoming NFBF 
State Convention, go  to:

http://www.nfbflorida.org/upcoming/convention-2009.htm

We  hope to see you all there!

Dan

"If you are going to walk on thin  ice,  
you might as well dance."
- Inuit  Proverb

"If you are going to walk on thin  ice,  
you might as well dance."
- Inuit  Proverb
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