[Nfbf-l] Blind People Are Faking It (Humor)

[Alan Dicey]

Dear Friends,
I never saw this before, and when a friend sent it to me, I really got a big 
laugh out of it!
I hope none are offended, but take it in the manner it was intended, as a 
bit of fun.
With Best Regards,
God Bless,
Alan
Plantation, Florida

This is an oldie but a goodie :)

Sep 18, 1996

By Rutherford B. Lyke
- Telling It Lyke It Is

Citizens, hear us well. Our great nation is being undermined by a secret 
society of individuals who carry deadly white truncheons and lead vicious 
attack animals in public on a daily basis.
These mysterious folk also have a secret means of communication, while 
shocking new evidence seems to indicate that they may even possess senses 
superior to those of other humans. We're speaking, of course, of the legions 
of the so-called blind.

Let's assume for a minute that we swallow this "blindness" hoax in the first 
place.
If these people are somehow bereft of the gift of sight, how does that 
explain the works of Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles and Ronnie Milsap? How could 
such men possibly play music if they were blind?
What do they take us for-ignorant saps?

The first issue I must point out is their very public display of armed 
might. Every individual laying claim to sightlessness carries a cudgel on 
their person at all times. These "canes," as they call them, are supposed to 
help them feel their way along. They are painted white, almost as if the 
bearer wished to remind passersby of its presence, and the weapon's tip is 
painted a chillingly suggestive red.
Those who have studied the mysterious fighting arts of the Orient know that 
such sticks may be wielded with deadly force by those with skill. In a 
surprise attack, strategically placed squads of the "blind" could quickly 
overwhelm our police forces.

Their fearsome nature encompasses more than just personal weaponry. Many of 
the alleged blind also own large, vicious attack dogs for the supposed 
purpose of guidance along city streets. With one word from their scheming 
masters, these slavering "guide" dogs could become guided missiles!

Indeed, most of these fearsome beasts are German shepherds, a species of 
killer wolf invented by twisted, Fascist dog breeders, which has somehow 
fallen into this most suspect faction of the disabled.

The most frightening aspect of this diabolical conspiracy by far is their 
ability to communicate with one another unbeknownst to upstanding citizens.

Their secret code consists of a series of raised dots cunningly arranged 
into arcane shapes. Known as "Braille," this demonic alphabet has begun 
opping up in places that were doubtlessly chosen for their mundane, everyday 
outward appearance: elevators, building directories, automated teller 
machines and the like.

This system seems rational enough, and does not attract undue attention. But 
think! If the messages on the signs changed suddenly, how would we know?

Next year, next month, next week, maybe even tomorrow, the signs will change 
from "second floor" to "STRIKE NOW! STRIKE HARD!" and our nation will be 
thrown into the chaos of revolution.

At this juncture, there is no hard evidence that the blind are planning such 
a revolution. We hope to have such evidence very soon. But can one group 
possess such an overwhelming element of surprise and fail to use it to seize 
power? And can their goals be anything but evil?

No, I say! I maintain that true blindness lies in failing to see the threat 
where it must obviously lie, and we must be vigilantly wary of the blind 
menace.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/blind-people-are-faking-it,11038/