[Nfbk] Good Fathering: A Lost Art? by Paul Jenkins

[Joey Couch]

This was sent out on another list I am on and I thought some of you
all may like giving this a read.

Father's Day 2012 is a good time to ask the question: Is good
fathering becoming a lost art?

Some are telling us that good fathers are hard to find today, that
Papa is letting us down, that many of the problems today can be traced
to a shortage of exemplary dads.  There are no role models, these
persons say.

Fathering is a process that is as old as humankind.  From God's
fathering of Adam and Eve to the daddy down the block, this process
has gone on.  We are discovering that fathering is more than just
"begetting" children.

At its best, fathering has the potential of making a much better
world.  At its worst, it can contribute to a hell on earth.

Good fathering is not all "macho" stuff.  It is taking time to read a
book or go nature-hunting with a daughter or son.  It is daddy,
sharing tears and understanding when the children are troubled.  Good
fathering is tender, sensitive, and forgiving.  It nurtures others
with willing perception.  It hugs people, physically and mentally.
Sometimes it is affectionate and sometimes it insists on firmly
confronting the issues.  It communicates.  The best fathering is done
up close.

Poor fathering focuses exclusively on the law.  It puts too much
emphasis on providing tangibles.  It has earned the term "patronizing"
because it condescends to others and maintains a superiority that is
neither human nor real.  When it overemphasizes correction skills,
fathering deserves low grades.  Poor fathering seems to enhance
itself, escaping in work or play.

God demonstrated through Jesus that good fathering is more than
law-giving or hit-and-run judgment.  God has moved alongside us and
illustrated why caring and serving are the best ways to be human.  God
goes beyond telling us what to do and enters our situation, showing us
what is meant.

Noble fathering includes what some think are mothering skills.  My
father and grandfather were both good at these skills.  When the
family got together, my father and grandfather showed they were
emotionally secure in themselves.  They could be like a mother bending
over her baby, fostering health and healing.  They could open my eyes
to new worlds, telling a story or confessing their weaknesses.  They
had no problem with my disagreeing with their authority, as long as I
did it with intelligence and respect.

I think Jesus demonstrated the kind of fathering expertise that
includes a large element of mothering.  He even spoke of it in these
terms once.  He wept over what was happening in the city and expressed
his heartbreak: "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem ... How often would I have
gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her
wings, and you would not" (Luke 13:34).

The Gospel of John invites us to take a new look at Jesus' words
related to fathering.  Wise fathering helps a child see what the
father is doing (John 5:19); it includes showing the child what is
being done (John 5:20).  Poor fathering writes the script for the
undesirable behavior of children (John 8:44), but when fathering is
sound, child and fathers share honors (John 14:13).

I respect the young parents who are resisting the lure of excessive
overtime on the job to be with their families.  I applaud those who
make a point of reaching out beyond their immediate family to the
fatherless.

Is good fathering becoming a lost art? I really think not.  The fact
that women, as well as men, are accepting the challenge of these
important skills indicates to me that there is reason for hope.  We
may be in a new era of understanding the meaning of good fathering.
end of article

The above was originally written for a magazine called "Vital
Christianity" many years ago and reprinted in a back issue of the
Gospel Messenger magazine.  Even though this day may not be celebrated
or commemorated as Father's Day in your country, it is hoped that you
were blessed by the reading and/or listening to this work.

Joey Couch
phone 606-216-8033.
email ki4vjd at gmail.com
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