[Nfbmo] {Spam?} RE: 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES

Tue Jun 21 01:59:51 UTC 2016

I like the simple concept of dispelling the magic.  Only through similarity can we remove.the barriers created through the misconceptionof difference.

Sent from my iPhone

> On Jun 20, 2016, at 8:50 PM, Daniel Garcia via Nfbmo <nfbmo at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Back in November of 2014, there was a little bit of snow on the ground here in Kansas City. I was walking with a trash bag in hand towards the dumpster. A neighbor asked if I needed help. I turned around and explained that I used to live in Detroit and that I was used to dealing with snow and ice. I then thanked him for his offer of help and turned around  and went about my business. In this particular case, I avoided the blindness issue by presenting my credentials as someone used to dealing with snow.
> 
> Regards
> 
> Daniel
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Nfbmo [mailto:nfbmo-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Roger Crome via Nfbmo
> Sent: Monday, June 20, 2016 11:37 AM
> To: 'NFB of Missouri Mailing List'
> Cc: Roger Crome
> Subject: [Nfbmo] {Spam?} RE: 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES
> 
> Thank you for sharing.  This was an interesting read and merits some
> thought.  Many times, when people try to voice their amazement at certain
> things like working on a car, I try to defer it in a way that is comical.  I
> try to say something like, "Being blind is a benefit in many ways.  When it
> gets dark, I just keep working."  It usually gets a little laugh but helps
> the person understand that the things that people with disabilities do are
> not inspirational or spectacular.  We are just doing what everyone else does
> but just a little differently sometimes.  I think, in fairness, it is
> important to remember that it is human nature to romanticize the things we
> do not understand, and sometimes, this comes out in an overcomplimentary
> way.  To me, before becoming defensive, it is important to weigh out the
> intent of the person.  And, most importantly, I never take myself too
> seriously.
> 
> Sorry for the long thought, but I found the responses interesting.
> 
> Roger Crome
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Nfbmo [mailto:nfbmo-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of nancy Lynn via
> Nfbmo
> Sent: Saturday, June 18, 2016 4:23 AM
> To: mcb chat; nfbmo list; NFBC List
> Cc: nancy Lynn
> Subject: [Nfbmo] 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH
> DISABILITIES
> 
> An interesting conversation picked up on Reddit this week when a user posted
> the following question to people with disabilities: "What is something that
> we (presumably people without disabilities) do that we think helps, but it
> really doesn't?" In just a day, more than 9,000 comments rolled in, and
> people living with all types of health conditions - from physical
> disabilities to developmental delays to invisible illnesses - offered a lot
> of great insight.
> 
> 
> If you're unfamiliar with what it's like to live with a health condition,
> you may not even realize when you're not actually being that helpful.
> (That's OK because that's where we come in). According to Redditors, here
> are eight common mistakes people make when they're trying to help:
> 
> 
> 
> 1. Helping without asking.
> 
> "I love when people help me, but please always ask first, and if I say, 'No
> thanks, I've got it,' then go on with your day. Or better yet, strike up a
> conversation!"
> 
> "A friend of a friend of mine who [uses a wheelchair] told us how people
> constantly offer to push her to her destination, and often times go to start
> push (sic) her along. One person said, 'I'm helping!' as he started pushing
> her in her chair. She yelled back, 'No, you're kidnapping!!' He stopped."
> 
> 2. Changing the way you talk.
> 
> "A wheelchair doesn't make someone hard of hearing. Or stupid. Stop acting
> like it does."
> 
> "I'm hearing impaired (or hard of hearing, as the Deaf community prefers to
> put it). Do. Not. Yell at top volume, reeeaaaaaallllllly painfully slow.
> Just like it isn't going to help a Spanish person understand the English you
> are speaking, it's going to make you look real stupid to me. and everyone
> else we are around. It might work for you with Grandma, but I'm not your
> granny. Face me so I can read your lips, speak sharp and speak clear and we
> cool."
> 
> "Don't bend down to my level to talk to me, I can hear you perfectly well,
> and it's incredibly demeaning."
> 
> "I have an autism spectrum disorder. Just talk to me like you would anyone
> else, and if I need something explained to me, I will ask. It's that
> simple."
> 
> 3. Saying "But you don't look [disabled, sick, etc.]"
> 
> "'But you don't look sick.' 'Well you don't look like a doctor, but that's
> just my opinion.'"
> 
> "The thing is, people without visible disabilities. often hear 'But you
> don't look sick' as an excuse for the person saying it to not take the
> condition seriously or not give proper accommodations. In those cases it's
> not a compliment, it's an accusation. It happens way more often than you'd
> expect, and since it's not just annoying but often an obstacle to actually
> getting the help needed to get on with your life, it gets old fast."
> 
> 4. Feeling sorry.
> 
> "I don't want to be pitied for something I can't do anything about. It makes
> me feel less human/inferior."
> 
> "Pity is condescending, it ignores a person's talents, relationships,
> accomplishments and joys and paints them as nothing more than a thing that
> suffers."
> 
> 5. Offering medical advice.
> 
> "My husband has chronic migraines. I can't tell you the number of times
> someone suggests f**king Excedrin. 'Oh really? I've lived with migraines for
> 20 years and I never thought to try over-the-counter Excedrin! Tell me more
> about how it helped you with a really bad headache once.'"
> 
> "Someone told me cashews could cure depression. I. may not have been the
> most tactful in my response."
> 
> "Believe me, unless you are a researcher who specializes in my condition,
> you probably don't know more about treatments than me."
> 
> 6. Calling a person "inspiring" or "brave."
> 
> "I laugh when people call me an inspiration. If they only knew. No Hallmark
> movies to be made about me anytime soon. lol"
> 
> "This! I'm being praised for going to university and doing normal random
> everyday stuff.What am I supposed to do, sit on my ass all day and wait to
> die?"
> 
> "There's nothing brave or strong about it. I exist. My strength and courage
> comes from what I do. Not what I am."
> 
> 7. Shrugging off an illness you can't see.
> 
> "I have a chronic pain condition. Please don't tell me it's all in my head.
> Everything we experience, we experience through the brain. Of course it's in
> my head."
> 
> "Just because someone looks OK to you, doesn't mean you should treat them
> like they're faking it."
> 
> 8. Avoiding eye contact or keeping your questions to yourself.
> 
> "I have some form of Tourette's syndrome. I love questions. Questions show
> concern and interest, and that is (for me at least) infinitely more
> preferable than awkward tension."
> 
> "I only have one eye. Look, I already know I look different. I understand
> that your kid is curious. That's a good thing. Let me answer their
> questions. They can learn something and find out that I'm still a nice guy
> even though I look different. Don't make them feel afraid to talk to people
> who don't look exactly like them."
> 
> But remember, everyone is different.
> 
> "Many of the things that some people don't want could likewise be things
> others might welcome. The point is, everyone is different and has different
> needs and feelings about their situation in life. My advice is engage in a
> conversation and ask if there is anything you can do. If the answer is yes,
> help. If the answer is no, fine. This applies to everyone - not just those
> people with a clear physical impairment."
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