[Nfbmo] {Spam?} RE: 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES

Mon Jun 27 17:45:53 UTC 2016

Hello, Roger. I agree with you. I think very often it is good to err on the
side of kindness. People don't know a lot about blindness, and I don't know
a lot about mental illness, developmental disabilities, what it is like to
grow up in an impoverished neighborhood, the pressures of being exceedingly
rich - all of these are life experiences I just don't have. It therefore
behooves me to be gentle with those who lack understanding.

The one thing I have a difficult time dealing with are those who insist that
I have compensatory senses so blindness is no big deal or because I lack the
sense of sight it must be incredibly difficult if not impossible to live a
quality life. Somehow people have to get the idea that we live somewhere in
between: blindness isn't a nothing, but it is not an everything either. It
reminds me of a country song that says, "he's got his duty, I've got my
dreams, neither one is as easy or as hard as they may seem."

-----Original Message-----
From: Nfbmo [mailto:nfbmo-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Roger Crome via
Nfbmo
Sent: Monday, June 20, 2016 11:37 AM
To: 'NFB of Missouri Mailing List'
Cc: Roger Crome
Subject: [Nfbmo] {Spam?} RE: 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE
WITH DISABILITIES

Thank you for sharing.  This was an interesting read and merits some
thought.  Many times, when people try to voice their amazement at certain
things like working on a car, I try to defer it in a way that is comical.  I
try to say something like, "Being blind is a benefit in many ways.  When it
gets dark, I just keep working."  It usually gets a little laugh but helps
the person understand that the things that people with disabilities do are
not inspirational or spectacular.  We are just doing what everyone else does
but just a little differently sometimes.  I think, in fairness, it is
important to remember that it is human nature to romanticize the things we
do not understand, and sometimes, this comes out in an overcomplimentary
way.  To me, before becoming defensive, it is important to weigh out the
intent of the person.  And, most importantly, I never take myself too
seriously.

Sorry for the long thought, but I found the responses interesting.

Roger Crome

-----Original Message-----
From: Nfbmo [mailto:nfbmo-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of nancy Lynn via
Nfbmo
Sent: Saturday, June 18, 2016 4:23 AM
To: mcb chat; nfbmo list; NFBC List
Cc: nancy Lynn
Subject: [Nfbmo] 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH
DISABILITIES

An interesting conversation picked up on Reddit this week when a user posted
the following question to people with disabilities: "What is something that
we (presumably people without disabilities) do that we think helps, but it
really doesn't?" In just a day, more than 9,000 comments rolled in, and
people living with all types of health conditions - from physical
disabilities to developmental delays to invisible illnesses - offered a lot
of great insight.

If you're unfamiliar with what it's like to live with a health condition,
you may not even realize when you're not actually being that helpful.
(That's OK because that's where we come in). According to Redditors, here
are eight common mistakes people make when they're trying to help:

1. Helping without asking.

"I love when people help me, but please always ask first, and if I say, 'No
thanks, I've got it,' then go on with your day. Or better yet, strike up a
conversation!"

"A friend of a friend of mine who [uses a wheelchair] told us how people
constantly offer to push her to her destination, and often times go to start
push (sic) her along. One person said, 'I'm helping!' as he started pushing
her in her chair. She yelled back, 'No, you're kidnapping!!' He stopped."

2. Changing the way you talk.

"A wheelchair doesn't make someone hard of hearing. Or stupid. Stop acting
like it does."

"I'm hearing impaired (or hard of hearing, as the Deaf community prefers to
put it). Do. Not. Yell at top volume, reeeaaaaaallllllly painfully slow.
Just like it isn't going to help a Spanish person understand the English you
are speaking, it's going to make you look real stupid to me. and everyone
else we are around. It might work for you with Grandma, but I'm not your
granny. Face me so I can read your lips, speak sharp and speak clear and we
cool."

"Don't bend down to my level to talk to me, I can hear you perfectly well,
and it's incredibly demeaning."

"I have an autism spectrum disorder. Just talk to me like you would anyone
else, and if I need something explained to me, I will ask. It's that
simple."

3. Saying "But you don't look [disabled, sick, etc.]"

"'But you don't look sick.' 'Well you don't look like a doctor, but that's
just my opinion.'"

"The thing is, people without visible disabilities. often hear 'But you
don't look sick' as an excuse for the person saying it to not take the
condition seriously or not give proper accommodations. In those cases it's
not a compliment, it's an accusation. It happens way more often than you'd
expect, and since it's not just annoying but often an obstacle to actually
getting the help needed to get on with your life, it gets old fast."

4. Feeling sorry.

"I don't want to be pitied for something I can't do anything about. It makes
me feel less human/inferior."

"Pity is condescending, it ignores a person's talents, relationships,
accomplishments and joys and paints them as nothing more than a thing that
suffers."

5. Offering medical advice.

"My husband has chronic migraines. I can't tell you the number of times
someone suggests f**king Excedrin. 'Oh really? I've lived with migraines for
20 years and I never thought to try over-the-counter Excedrin! Tell me more
about how it helped you with a really bad headache once.'"

"Someone told me cashews could cure depression. I. may not have been the
most tactful in my response."

"Believe me, unless you are a researcher who specializes in my condition,
you probably don't know more about treatments than me."

6. Calling a person "inspiring" or "brave."

"I laugh when people call me an inspiration. If they only knew. No Hallmark
movies to be made about me anytime soon. lol"

"This! I'm being praised for going to university and doing normal random
everyday stuff.What am I supposed to do, sit on my ass all day and wait to
die?"

"There's nothing brave or strong about it. I exist. My strength and courage
comes from what I do. Not what I am."

7. Shrugging off an illness you can't see.

"I have a chronic pain condition. Please don't tell me it's all in my head.
Everything we experience, we experience through the brain. Of course it's in
my head."

"Just because someone looks OK to you, doesn't mean you should treat them
like they're faking it."

8. Avoiding eye contact or keeping your questions to yourself.

"I have some form of Tourette's syndrome. I love questions. Questions show
concern and interest, and that is (for me at least) infinitely more
preferable than awkward tension."

"I only have one eye. Look, I already know I look different. I understand
that your kid is curious. That's a good thing. Let me answer their
questions. They can learn something and find out that I'm still a nice guy
even though I look different. Don't make them feel afraid to talk to people
who don't look exactly like them."

But remember, everyone is different.

"Many of the things that some people don't want could likewise be things
others might welcome. The point is, everyone is different and has different
needs and feelings about their situation in life. My advice is engage in a
conversation and ask if there is anything you can do. If the answer is yes,
help. If the answer is no, fine. This applies to everyone - not just those
people with a clear physical impairment."
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