[Oagdu] Humor for blind people

Tue Nov 24 01:18:42 UTC 2015

I love these.  I shall surely save them, and pass them around to my friends. 
Thanks for sending them.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Marianne Denning via Oagdu" <oagdu at nfbnet.org>
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Cc: "Marianne Denning" <marianne at denningweb.com>
Sent: Monday, November 23, 2015 1:16 PM
Subject: [Oagdu] Humor for blind people


> These are all the things I want to say but know it would not be
> appropriate in most situations.  Enjoy!
>
> 17 Easy Ways To Make A Blind Person’s Day
>
> 1. When introducing yourself, use loud, exaggerated speech. Since
> we’re blind, it’s safe to assume we’re a little dim, too.
> 2. Don’t speak directly to us. It’s always best to talk over our heads
> like we’re not there at all, especially if you are offering a service.
> Example:
> “What would she like to order?” Be sure to ignore our attempts to
> answer for ourselves.
> 3. Grab or otherwise manipulate our bodies whenever and wherever you
> deem necessary. For example, if you intuitively perceive that we’re
> going the wrong
> way (even if you haven’t asked where that is) just snatch the nearest
> limb and lead on, Macduff!
> 4. If you aren’t in a position to grab us, you can always shout
> instructions in the hope that we’ll know what you’re talking about. If
> we look baffled,
> just keep repeating the instructions in an increasingly frantic tone.
> We’ll clue in eventually.
> 5. Remind us often how grateful we should be that people are willing
> to provide accommodations for us. While it’s unlikely that we will
> ever, ever forget
> this for more than five minutes at a time, it’s a good idea to slam
> the thought home when we’re not expecting it. It builds character.
> 6. Stage loud conversations about us while we’re in the room, because
> we won’t hear. If we hear, it’s okay, because we won’t understand. If
> we understand,
> it’s okay, because we won’t care.
> 7. Keep all conversation firmly focused on blindness. If we try to
> interject by discussing our education or interests, just redirect us.
> We get carried
> away trying to be all normal, so it’s helpful to keep us on track!
> 8. Be sure to describe all the other blind people you’ve ever met, in
> extravagant detail. We couldn’t be more fascinated by that blind guy
> who skied, and
> that other blind guy who went to school with you, and that blind girl
> you met on the train once—the one with the cute puppy…
> 9. Make a habit of asking us why we’re “here”. If we’re on the bus,
> ask us why we’re out alone. If we’re at work, ask us how we got the
> job. If we’re in
> class, ask us why we’re in university. If we seem offended, ignore us:
> deep down inside, we really enjoy presumptuous interrogation!
> 10. Dispense advice about how we should live our lives; the less you
> know us, the more valuable your feedback will be. If you need a good
> starting point,
> you can begin by analyzing our mobility tool of choice (cane or dog)
> and emphatically demanding that we switch. We love that.
> 11. Involve yourself in our love lives, specifying exactly the type of
> person we should date and why. If you think we should date a sighted
> person because
> they’ll be able to take care of us, we’ll want to hear all about it.
> If you think we should date a blind person because we should “stick to
> our own kind”
> we will be all ears!
> 12. Give us things—money, coupons, whatever—because you pity us and
> want to make our day better. Don’t be phased by any apparent
> expressions of confusion.
> (“Oh, that’s just my gratitude face!”)
> 13. Stop us on the street and thank whomever we’re with for
> helping/taking care of/being so kind to us. It’s not as though we have
> real friends who genuinely
> enjoy our company. No: if we’re out with a sighted person, they are
> fulfilling a purely charitable role. They will appreciate your praise,
> and we will
> feel extra extra grateful!
> 14. Place your hands on us in any public place and pray. If we gently
> explain that we don’t want to be prayed for, rest assured that it’s
> just the secular
> cynicism doing the talking. When our sight is miraculously restored,
> you’ll be the first to know.
> 15. Make as many potentially dangerous practical jokes as you can
> think of. A few good ideas include warning us of imaginary obstacles
> (“Watch out for
> that tree-just kidding!”), concealing our possessions, and encouraging
> us to “find” you while you run gleefully around us in circles. These
> were a staple
> of primary school, and I treasure many pleasant memories from that
> era. Do me a favour, and bring back the nostalgia!
> 16. Refer to us as “that blind person” even after you know our names.
> Blindness is so integral to our identities that our names are really
> just decorative,
> so there’s no need to remember or use them. If we fail to answer to
> “Hey, blind girl/guy!” just keep trying. We’ll learn to love it.
> 17. Assume that our default status is “Help!” If we reassure you that
> we’re okay, thanks, don’t fall for it. Insisting upon rescuing us
> every time we cross
> paths places us into a position of dependence, which is exactly where we 
> belong.
>
>
>
> -- 
> Marianne Denning, TVI, MA
> Teacher of students who are blind or visually impaired
> (513) 607-6053
>
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