[Ohio-Communities-of-Faith] SHOULD WE STILL HONOR OUR PARENTS IF THEY ARE ABUSIVE?

[Shelly Duffy]

SHOULD WE STILL HONOR OUR PARENTS IF THEY ARE ABUSIVE?
September 22, 2021 

Average reading time is about 5 minutes


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All of the commandments are a reflection of God’s loving character, so I don’t believe we can safely ignore any of them, regardless of the circumstances. 

However, we need to understand what honoring our parents really means. It doesn’t necessarily mean condoning all their actions. Abuse in any form is wrong, evil, and against the principles of Scripture. That said, there is a certain inherent respect that should always be shown to a parent. Even when we disagree with them, we can do it respectfully.

I do believe that where abuse is involved, a person can respect a parent and still take action against that parent, such as the time King Asa removed his mother from power because she had set up an idol (2 Chronicles 15:16). Obviously, if a parent asks you to break one of God’s commandments, you should decline. God must be honored above a parent. 

Sometimes it might be necessary for adult children to keep a distance for a time, especially if the parent continues the abusive behavior or if you’re clashing continuously. Separation is also appropriate when parents are meddling, perhaps trying to interfere in the raising of a grandchild or in the marriage (see Genesis 2:24). 

However, we should avoid cutting off all ties with our parents if it’s possible to retain some type of cordial relationship. “I never want to see you again,” is pretty harsh and usually unnecessary. People change—they change and we change. As a Christian, you want to have a redemptive relationship and learn how to resolve conflict. 

Being a Christian means sometimes you have to be kind and loving to people who aren’t lovable. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you” (Matthew 5:44). Through the grace and power of Christ, the Christian can show mercy even to those who “spitefully use” them. 



KEY BIBLE TEXTS 
"Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."
Exodus 20:12



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Shelley Duffy