[Ohio-talk] Dumber than a Box of Oreos

[Kaiti Shelton]

Hi all,

I've been thinking about society's perceptions of blind people a lot
this week, especially with the release of the podcast on NPR featuring
Daniel Kish.  I've kept up with the musings of White Cane Guy on this
list, and had a similar experience yesterday morning.  Coming back
from my destination, I'll admit I was a little fed up with the sighted
humanity around me, but after telling the story to a friend and my
roommates, I've come to put a positive (and funny) spin on the
problem.  One roommate suggest I turn it into a comedy skit and title
it "Dumber Than a Box of Oreos."  I don't think Comedy Central is in
my future, but this is also the roommate who I joke with about driving
a car.  She and I have a teasing relationship (she'll tell one of our
other friends that it's my turn to drive her home, and I used to tease
her for leaving the crutches she used for a few weeks due to a foot
injury around the house by calling out for "Tiny Tim" to come get her
crutch whenever I knocked one over.

Anyway, here's the story.  I decided earlier this week that I needed
to pick up some groceries and that I would go to Meijer instead of the
Kroger near my campus because I haven't been impressed with the
produce there the last few times I've gone.  I also was really happy
to figure out that a Meijer was near by because I used to have to go
to Kroger for groceries and Wal-Mart for other things.  The
super-store was just easier in general, and since my family shops at
Meijer more often than not at home I understood the layout of the
store better.
I take para-transit to the Meijer and find the customer service desk.
This was my first clue that most of the staff was older and not used
to seeing customers with disabilities, or at least customers who are
blind.  I got to the customer service desk and asked for some shopping
assistance.  The woman informed me that it would be about a 10 minute
wait, which seemed odd.  I didn't necessarily mind it, but from
shopping on my own in the past and working as a receptionist doing
customer service kind of work, I know you're not supposed to just say,
"We'll get to you in ten minutes."  She asked if she could take me
over by the bank to sit down, and I said I didn't mind waiting there.
I didn't want to go quietly sit and have her forget about me.  Sure
enough, as soon as I took a few steps away from the desk and assured
her that I didn't mind standing she started calling employees to come
help me shop.  She called one guy in particular, and after a few calls
she managed to get him up to customer service.  He was an older man,
probably in his late 50s or 60s, and he seemed pleasant enough.

The interactions I had with this man were some of the weirdest I've
had.  IT started normal enough.  He assumed I needed more help than I
did, so I politely told him I'd follow him and didn't need to be
pulled by the arm through the store or given directions every time we
made a turn.  He asked if I needed a cart and I replied that a basket
should do since I had a fairly small list.  We get over by the cart
chorale, and he asks me again if I need one.  I repeat that a basket
should work fine, but he says, "We'll use a walking one anyway."  This
would turn into a point of hilarity for my roommate I joke with, who
is now coming up with random literal names for household objects to go
along with "walking basket."  E.G, Scissors are now "Cutting
implements."  I didn't fight him on this; I had a deadline to get my
shopping done so I could catch my next ride, so if he wanted to use a
walking basket instead of a normal basket, that was fine by me even if
he really didn't take my choices as the customer into consideration
for whatever reason.

We start off in produce, and when I ask if there happen to be any
cherries in stock he just walks off, leaving me and the cart by the
apples while he goes and checks.  I was a little irked by this, since
usually my shopping assistants have just had me go with them so I
could pick the kind of grocery I want if it is indeed there.  The man
comes back and announces that there aren't any cherries.  Figuring
that they're just not in season right now, I move on to the next item
on my list which is salad.  I'm a very detailed shopper and know the
brands, basic descriptors of the packaging, and the general price
range for each product I buy.  I describe my usual salad for him and
he goes off on a wild goose chase along the wall of packaged
vegitables looking for it.  Even by telling him the brand he finds
himself looking in other areas.  I have to remind him, "I thought you
said all the Dole groceries were around where I'm standing?," and he
comes back towards me.  We finally find the salad and toss it into the
walking basket.

This kind of incident repeats itself over and over again in the pasta
aisle, in the dairy section when I'm trying to get some cheese, and
when I ask him to read the expiration date on a package of ham he just
couldn't seem to find it and needed to call someone else.  When I ask
for Townhouse Crackers in the cracker aisle the guy misses them at the
head of the aisle, and continues down to where the cookies are.  When
he announces that there are oreos available, I decide to get some even
though they aren't on my list.  Oreos are a big thing in my
fraternity's house, so I decide to grab a box for the roommates and I
to share.  the man tells me to give him my hand.  I offer it to him
palm up in anticipation for the pack of Oreos to be handed to me since
I'm closer to the cart.  He takes me by the wrist, flips my hand over,
and sticks it on top of the Oreo package.  With my fingers over the
little pull tab used to open the top of the package he informs me,
"This is how you open it."

It shocked me for a good ten minutes that this man was so blatantly
disrespectful.  I was not an equal, I was like a small child who he
felt needed to be taught even though in my opinion I was the more
capable one of the two of us based on his shopping skills.  Somehow I
had the gumption to strategically organize my own transportation for
8:00 AM on a Saturday morning when the store would be less crowded,
plan out a list of what I needed in advance and have the money to pay
for the groceries, but it was just unimaginable to this man that a
21-year-old blind woman had ever encountered a box of Oreos in her
life, let alone have the knowledge to know how to open them.

I tried to think of things from his perspective and find other
possible explanations.  I wondered if the man had an intellectual
disability, so I started making small talk as we were walking between
aisles to find items.  Although I cannot be certain of anything, he
did not appear to have any intellectual disabilities based on our
conversations.  He chatted with me about football, about the weather,
and even responded naturally when I said that I went to UD.  The funny
thing was that he asked me how often I get out and shop, and I
answered "Every 2 weeks."  I was hoping that maybe the man was getting
the picture that I was more capable than he thought, but we had our
last incident that seemed to prove otherwise.

Since coming back to school there have been little viruses floating
around campus.  I caught a 24 hour stomach bug at the end of week one,
and caught a virus with flu-like symptoms right after that.  I decided
to start taking Airborn, which most of you have probably heard
commercials for.  I tell him that Airborn is the last item on my list
when we pick up a box of tissues in the cleaning section, and he takes
me just next door to another aisle.  When he starts announcing air
fresheners like Glade and Fabreeze, I recognize the problem and tell
him that we're in the wrong aisle.  I was a little irked because
several times before when I read off my list so he could judge which
items were closest to us in the store I simply referred to Airborn as
"Medicine."  I thought he had been listening to me, which is why when
we were going to specifically look for the item I became more specific
and started providing details.  He stops another employee to ask where
the aisle we need is, and then we set off.  He starts looking for it
at one end of the aisle where all the childrens medicines are.  He
slowly makes his way toward me where he left the walking basket in the
middle of the aisle, and announces, "There's childrens Airborn," as if
that is what I'm looking for.  I tell him I'll need the adult
strength, and he continues down the aisle, slowly looking for it.  He
says, "Well, the children's one was in a bottle, so I'm looking for a
bottle."  I say, "I've had it before, I don't think it is," but he
keeps going as if he didn't hear me.  Finally, a fellow shopper points
it out to him and he says, "Oh, it's in a box," as if there is reason
for surprise.  Grateful to have someone willing to talk to me
normally, I ask the woman if that's it.  She says yes, and confirms
that the chewable tablets are what I'm looking for.  She hands me the
box, sees my nose red from tissue rash and makes a recommendation for
another immune booster I can also take with Airborn.  We have a brief
conversation about that and how her daughter started taking it before
a study abroad trip, I tell her about Jamaica and she recommends that
I take the other medication regardless of whether or not I feel sick
before flying to Jamaica because it seemed to work well for her
daughter, and we wish each other a good day.

We go to check out and instead of going to a staffed checkout line the
man takes me through self-checkout, which I don't like.  I start
searching for the bar code label on a bottle of salsa verde, and he
just takes it from me as if I were handing it to him so he could swipe
it.  I had no independence as far as this man was concerned, and all
the times I had said I could do this or that without assistance didn't
seem to sink in.  All I needed was someone to read and find things so
I could quickly and efficiently get my shopping done, but this
shopping trip with a shorter list than usual took almost 30 minutes
more than it takes for me to shop with a usual list.  And just when I
felt like I couldn't stand to not be more forceful with this guy, I
really couldn't because even if I scanned and bagged all my things
myself, I'd need him to reliably tell me my totals and read the credit
card scanner.  Since there is still time before my bus pick up, I
decide to go sit on a bench in the front of a store to wait.  I'm
there for about 20 minutes before the man comes by again and appears
to be checking on me.  It's a gesture that usually I appreciate,
sometimes random people in Kroger will ask if I'm waiting for someone
just out of curiosity or lack of knowledge about how para-transit
works, but I had had enough with this man.  I tell him I'm fine and
somehow manage to still be polite.  He tells me a bus is outside, and
I dismiss it.  My ride isn't supposed to be here at least for another
5 minutes, it's still 15 minutes before the scheduled time and RTA's
window starts 10 minutes before, it must be for someone else as well
and they're going to get them.  Then the man asks how will I know when
my bus comes or if that one might also have me on it, and I say, "I
don't know, but I'll go outside and check."  I gather up my groceries.
I've thought ahead here too, and have a backpack with two bags of
canned stuff on my back.  The load in my hands is perfectly manageable
even with a cane, so I start picking everything up.  He tries to grab
a bag and my pitcher of iced tea from me, but I tell him "No thanks,
I've got it."  He starts to say, "But," and I reply, "No, I really do
have it."  I follow the driver outside and get onto the bus.  I pay
for my fare and sit down.  We get back to my house, and by this point
I've had 15 minutes to brood on that last encounter.

I will confess that I might have taken out some of my frustration on
the RTA driver.  My street is one way, and he was going to pull down
it, turn around in a nearby parking lot on campus, and come back down
it the wrong way so the door could be facing my house.  I know this is
an RTA rule, but it's one of many I find ridiculous for those who do
not have mobility impairments that prevent us from crossing a street
and walking a few more yards to our doors.  I tell him I can get off
here, and assure him when I say that it is fine.  He too offers to to
walk me to my door and carry my groceries.  I tell him as well that
I've got my bags under control, but he stands up to take some of them
anyway.  I still kept a civil tone, but I told him again, "I really am
fine.  I'm used to carrying my own things."  I get off the bus, cross
the street, walk up to my front door, and go inside.  While this was
happening I was almost offended that the driver seemed offended that I
had refused his help.  It bothered me that people on RTA and in Meijer
seemed to think that if they offered help I as a blind person was
obligated to be passive and take it.   I am by no means above asking
for help (I did take para-transit and ask for shopping assistance
after all), but this brand of help was overbearing and unwanted.

I was feeling really crumudgeonly about the whole morning by that
time, and told a friend who was over about the event.  Thankfully, she
was able to see the funny side of the situation, which helped me to
see it too.  We made fun of it.  I grabbed the box of Oreos from the
table as I was putting everything away and demonstrated for her that I
could indeed open a box of Oreos.  She feigned astonishment, and
asked, "But, do you know how to pick up an Oreo.?"  I pretended to be
stunned and struggle with this concept for a few seconds before
popping an Oreo into my mouth.  "There you go!," she praised as if I
were a dog.  Later I told my roommate that I tease with, and after she
laughed about the walking basket incident and the oOreos she said,
"That's ridiculous.  You should just tell us whenever you want to go
to Meijer from now on.  There's no point in doing something by
yourself if they won't let you do it by yourself."

There is a point to it though.  It does seem pointless sometimes when
society is as dense as it sometimes can be, but that's what we're all
about.  We need to take the perceptions that blind people are
helpless, foreign, or too incompetent to open a box of Oreos and
change them so that people know that blind people can be independent
and capable.  If it is so unfathomable that a blind person cannot
function in a grocery store to the employees at Meijer, then I guess
I'll just have to teach them otherwise.  I know that the employees at
Kroger have seen other blind customers and assisted them in shopping,
so maybe my positive interactions there and the negative one I had at
Meijer have nothing to do with chance, but have everything to do with
experience and a lack thereof.  I will keep going there, and next time
I'll plan for a longer shopping time so I can demand to be treated
like an independent human being if things go awry again.  I won't
allow myself to be left standing near the apples while the employee
looks for cherries, and if he's really that bad again I won't hesitate
to ask for a idifferent shopping assistant.  I'll still go at 8:00 In
the morning, and I'll speak to a manager of customer service if I need
to.  I'll remain polite as I did this time, but I won't let the status
quo stand.  The status quo is what is so hurtful to blind people, and
as a member of the NFB I want to change what it means to be blind
-- 
Kaiti Shelton
University of Dayton 2016.
Music Therapy, Psychology, Philosophy
President, Ohio Association of Blind Students
Sigma Alpha Iota-Delta Sigma