[Ohio-talk] Dumber than a Box of Oreos

[Marianne Denning]

Kaiti, that is a great story and, I am sure, most of us have had
similar situations.  He might have had a learning disability.  Many
people who cannot read try to cover it up because they are
embarrassed.  Having said that, you might contact the manager of
Meijer and explain what happened.  Offer to give a presentation to
their employees on how to work with people who are visually impaired.

On 1/25/15, Kaiti Shelton via Ohio-talk <ohio-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> I've been thinking about society's perceptions of blind people a lot
> this week, especially with the release of the podcast on NPR featuring
> Daniel Kish.  I've kept up with the musings of White Cane Guy on this
> list, and had a similar experience yesterday morning.  Coming back
> from my destination, I'll admit I was a little fed up with the sighted
> humanity around me, but after telling the story to a friend and my
> roommates, I've come to put a positive (and funny) spin on the
> problem.  One roommate suggest I turn it into a comedy skit and title
> it "Dumber Than a Box of Oreos."  I don't think Comedy Central is in
> my future, but this is also the roommate who I joke with about driving
> a car.  She and I have a teasing relationship (she'll tell one of our
> other friends that it's my turn to drive her home, and I used to tease
> her for leaving the crutches she used for a few weeks due to a foot
> injury around the house by calling out for "Tiny Tim" to come get her
> crutch whenever I knocked one over.
>
> Anyway, here's the story.  I decided earlier this week that I needed
> to pick up some groceries and that I would go to Meijer instead of the
> Kroger near my campus because I haven't been impressed with the
> produce there the last few times I've gone.  I also was really happy
> to figure out that a Meijer was near by because I used to have to go
> to Kroger for groceries and Wal-Mart for other things.  The
> super-store was just easier in general, and since my family shops at
> Meijer more often than not at home I understood the layout of the
> store better.
> I take para-transit to the Meijer and find the customer service desk.
> This was my first clue that most of the staff was older and not used
> to seeing customers with disabilities, or at least customers who are
> blind.  I got to the customer service desk and asked for some shopping
> assistance.  The woman informed me that it would be about a 10 minute
> wait, which seemed odd.  I didn't necessarily mind it, but from
> shopping on my own in the past and working as a receptionist doing
> customer service kind of work, I know you're not supposed to just say,
> "We'll get to you in ten minutes."  She asked if she could take me
> over by the bank to sit down, and I said I didn't mind waiting there.
> I didn't want to go quietly sit and have her forget about me.  Sure
> enough, as soon as I took a few steps away from the desk and assured
> her that I didn't mind standing she started calling employees to come
> help me shop.  She called one guy in particular, and after a few calls
> she managed to get him up to customer service.  He was an older man,
> probably in his late 50s or 60s, and he seemed pleasant enough.
>
> The interactions I had with this man were some of the weirdest I've
> had.  IT started normal enough.  He assumed I needed more help than I
> did, so I politely told him I'd follow him and didn't need to be
> pulled by the arm through the store or given directions every time we
> made a turn.  He asked if I needed a cart and I replied that a basket
> should do since I had a fairly small list.  We get over by the cart
> chorale, and he asks me again if I need one.  I repeat that a basket
> should work fine, but he says, "We'll use a walking one anyway."  This
> would turn into a point of hilarity for my roommate I joke with, who
> is now coming up with random literal names for household objects to go
> along with "walking basket."  E.G, Scissors are now "Cutting
> implements."  I didn't fight him on this; I had a deadline to get my
> shopping done so I could catch my next ride, so if he wanted to use a
> walking basket instead of a normal basket, that was fine by me even if
> he really didn't take my choices as the customer into consideration
> for whatever reason.
>
> We start off in produce, and when I ask if there happen to be any
> cherries in stock he just walks off, leaving me and the cart by the
> apples while he goes and checks.  I was a little irked by this, since
> usually my shopping assistants have just had me go with them so I
> could pick the kind of grocery I want if it is indeed there.  The man
> comes back and announces that there aren't any cherries.  Figuring
> that they're just not in season right now, I move on to the next item
> on my list which is salad.  I'm a very detailed shopper and know the
> brands, basic descriptors of the packaging, and the general price
> range for each product I buy.  I describe my usual salad for him and
> he goes off on a wild goose chase along the wall of packaged
> vegitables looking for it.  Even by telling him the brand he finds
> himself looking in other areas.  I have to remind him, "I thought you
> said all the Dole groceries were around where I'm standing?," and he
> comes back towards me.  We finally find the salad and toss it into the
> walking basket.
>
> This kind of incident repeats itself over and over again in the pasta
> aisle, in the dairy section when I'm trying to get some cheese, and
> when I ask him to read the expiration date on a package of ham he just
> couldn't seem to find it and needed to call someone else.  When I ask
> for Townhouse Crackers in the cracker aisle the guy misses them at the
> head of the aisle, and continues down to where the cookies are.  When
> he announces that there are oreos available, I decide to get some even
> though they aren't on my list.  Oreos are a big thing in my
> fraternity's house, so I decide to grab a box for the roommates and I
> to share.  the man tells me to give him my hand.  I offer it to him
> palm up in anticipation for the pack of Oreos to be handed to me since
> I'm closer to the cart.  He takes me by the wrist, flips my hand over,
> and sticks it on top of the Oreo package.  With my fingers over the
> little pull tab used to open the top of the package he informs me,
> "This is how you open it."
>
> It shocked me for a good ten minutes that this man was so blatantly
> disrespectful.  I was not an equal, I was like a small child who he
> felt needed to be taught even though in my opinion I was the more
> capable one of the two of us based on his shopping skills.  Somehow I
> had the gumption to strategically organize my own transportation for
> 8:00 AM on a Saturday morning when the store would be less crowded,
> plan out a list of what I needed in advance and have the money to pay
> for the groceries, but it was just unimaginable to this man that a
> 21-year-old blind woman had ever encountered a box of Oreos in her
> life, let alone have the knowledge to know how to open them.
>
> I tried to think of things from his perspective and find other
> possible explanations.  I wondered if the man had an intellectual
> disability, so I started making small talk as we were walking between
> aisles to find items.  Although I cannot be certain of anything, he
> did not appear to have any intellectual disabilities based on our
> conversations.  He chatted with me about football, about the weather,
> and even responded naturally when I said that I went to UD.  The funny
> thing was that he asked me how often I get out and shop, and I
> answered "Every 2 weeks."  I was hoping that maybe the man was getting
> the picture that I was more capable than he thought, but we had our
> last incident that seemed to prove otherwise.
>
> Since coming back to school there have been little viruses floating
> around campus.  I caught a 24 hour stomach bug at the end of week one,
> and caught a virus with flu-like symptoms right after that.  I decided
> to start taking Airborn, which most of you have probably heard
> commercials for.  I tell him that Airborn is the last item on my list
> when we pick up a box of tissues in the cleaning section, and he takes
> me just next door to another aisle.  When he starts announcing air
> fresheners like Glade and Fabreeze, I recognize the problem and tell
> him that we're in the wrong aisle.  I was a little irked because
> several times before when I read off my list so he could judge which
> items were closest to us in the store I simply referred to Airborn as
> "Medicine."  I thought he had been listening to me, which is why when
> we were going to specifically look for the item I became more specific
> and started providing details.  He stops another employee to ask where
> the aisle we need is, and then we set off.  He starts looking for it
> at one end of the aisle where all the childrens medicines are.  He
> slowly makes his way toward me where he left the walking basket in the
> middle of the aisle, and announces, "There's childrens Airborn," as if
> that is what I'm looking for.  I tell him I'll need the adult
> strength, and he continues down the aisle, slowly looking for it.  He
> says, "Well, the children's one was in a bottle, so I'm looking for a
> bottle."  I say, "I've had it before, I don't think it is," but he
> keeps going as if he didn't hear me.  Finally, a fellow shopper points
> it out to him and he says, "Oh, it's in a box," as if there is reason
> for surprise.  Grateful to have someone willing to talk to me
> normally, I ask the woman if that's it.  She says yes, and confirms
> that the chewable tablets are what I'm looking for.  She hands me the
> box, sees my nose red from tissue rash and makes a recommendation for
> another immune booster I can also take with Airborn.  We have a brief
> conversation about that and how her daughter started taking it before
> a study abroad trip, I tell her about Jamaica and she recommends that
> I take the other medication regardless of whether or not I feel sick
> before flying to Jamaica because it seemed to work well for her
> daughter, and we wish each other a good day.
>
> We go to check out and instead of going to a staffed checkout line the
> man takes me through self-checkout, which I don't like.  I start
> searching for the bar code label on a bottle of salsa verde, and he
> just takes it from me as if I were handing it to him so he could swipe
> it.  I had no independence as far as this man was concerned, and all
> the times I had said I could do this or that without assistance didn't
> seem to sink in.  All I needed was someone to read and find things so
> I could quickly and efficiently get my shopping done, but this
> shopping trip with a shorter list than usual took almost 30 minutes
> more than it takes for me to shop with a usual list.  And just when I
> felt like I couldn't stand to not be more forceful with this guy, I
> really couldn't because even if I scanned and bagged all my things
> myself, I'd need him to reliably tell me my totals and read the credit
> card scanner.  Since there is still time before my bus pick up, I
> decide to go sit on a bench in the front of a store to wait.  I'm
> there for about 20 minutes before the man comes by again and appears
> to be checking on me.  It's a gesture that usually I appreciate,
> sometimes random people in Kroger will ask if I'm waiting for someone
> just out of curiosity or lack of knowledge about how para-transit
> works, but I had had enough with this man.  I tell him I'm fine and
> somehow manage to still be polite.  He tells me a bus is outside, and
> I dismiss it.  My ride isn't supposed to be here at least for another
> 5 minutes, it's still 15 minutes before the scheduled time and RTA's
> window starts 10 minutes before, it must be for someone else as well
> and they're going to get them.  Then the man asks how will I know when
> my bus comes or if that one might also have me on it, and I say, "I
> don't know, but I'll go outside and check."  I gather up my groceries.
> I've thought ahead here too, and have a backpack with two bags of
> canned stuff on my back.  The load in my hands is perfectly manageable
> even with a cane, so I start picking everything up.  He tries to grab
> a bag and my pitcher of iced tea from me, but I tell him "No thanks,
> I've got it."  He starts to say, "But," and I reply, "No, I really do
> have it."  I follow the driver outside and get onto the bus.  I pay
> for my fare and sit down.  We get back to my house, and by this point
> I've had 15 minutes to brood on that last encounter.
>
> I will confess that I might have taken out some of my frustration on
> the RTA driver.  My street is one way, and he was going to pull down
> it, turn around in a nearby parking lot on campus, and come back down
> it the wrong way so the door could be facing my house.  I know this is
> an RTA rule, but it's one of many I find ridiculous for those who do
> not have mobility impairments that prevent us from crossing a street
> and walking a few more yards to our doors.  I tell him I can get off
> here, and assure him when I say that it is fine.  He too offers to to
> walk me to my door and carry my groceries.  I tell him as well that
> I've got my bags under control, but he stands up to take some of them
> anyway.  I still kept a civil tone, but I told him again, "I really am
> fine.  I'm used to carrying my own things."  I get off the bus, cross
> the street, walk up to my front door, and go inside.  While this was
> happening I was almost offended that the driver seemed offended that I
> had refused his help.  It bothered me that people on RTA and in Meijer
> seemed to think that if they offered help I as a blind person was
> obligated to be passive and take it.   I am by no means above asking
> for help (I did take para-transit and ask for shopping assistance
> after all), but this brand of help was overbearing and unwanted.
>
> I was feeling really crumudgeonly about the whole morning by that
> time, and told a friend who was over about the event.  Thankfully, she
> was able to see the funny side of the situation, which helped me to
> see it too.  We made fun of it.  I grabbed the box of Oreos from the
> table as I was putting everything away and demonstrated for her that I
> could indeed open a box of Oreos.  She feigned astonishment, and
> asked, "But, do you know how to pick up an Oreo.?"  I pretended to be
> stunned and struggle with this concept for a few seconds before
> popping an Oreo into my mouth.  "There you go!," she praised as if I
> were a dog.  Later I told my roommate that I tease with, and after she
> laughed about the walking basket incident and the oOreos she said,
> "That's ridiculous.  You should just tell us whenever you want to go
> to Meijer from now on.  There's no point in doing something by
> yourself if they won't let you do it by yourself."
>
> There is a point to it though.  It does seem pointless sometimes when
> society is as dense as it sometimes can be, but that's what we're all
> about.  We need to take the perceptions that blind people are
> helpless, foreign, or too incompetent to open a box of Oreos and
> change them so that people know that blind people can be independent
> and capable.  If it is so unfathomable that a blind person cannot
> function in a grocery store to the employees at Meijer, then I guess
> I'll just have to teach them otherwise.  I know that the employees at
> Kroger have seen other blind customers and assisted them in shopping,
> so maybe my positive interactions there and the negative one I had at
> Meijer have nothing to do with chance, but have everything to do with
> experience and a lack thereof.  I will keep going there, and next time
> I'll plan for a longer shopping time so I can demand to be treated
> like an independent human being if things go awry again.  I won't
> allow myself to be left standing near the apples while the employee
> looks for cherries, and if he's really that bad again I won't hesitate
> to ask for a idifferent shopping assistant.  I'll still go at 8:00 In
> the morning, and I'll speak to a manager of customer service if I need
> to.  I'll remain polite as I did this time, but I won't let the status
> quo stand.  The status quo is what is so hurtful to blind people, and
> as a member of the NFB I want to change what it means to be blind
> --
> Kaiti Shelton
> University of Dayton 2016.
> Music Therapy, Psychology, Philosophy
> President, Ohio Association of Blind Students
> Sigma Alpha Iota-Delta Sigma
>
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-- 
Marianne Denning, TVI, MA
Teacher of students who are blind or visually impaired
(513) 607-6053