[Ohio-talk] DON'T YOU JUST HATE THIS!

Wed Jan 25 15:18:05 UTC 2017

Hi JW and all,

I too, as most if not everyone else on this list, have had this happen. I can shrug it off and usually just end those conversations since usually those people won't change their minds based on conversation alone, but two factors make some conversations stand out and rub me the wrong way sometimes; 1: if the person is in a field serving people with disabilities, I do perhaps a bit naively expect them to know and act better than that, and 2: if this leads to unsolicited helping based on assumptions they make about me either without asking or by ignoring what I do say, I have a harder time biting my tongue. 

For example, a few months back I was taking a para-transit ride with an older guy as my driver. He was practically on top of me as I sat down, even though he asked if I needed help finding a seat and I declined the offer while moving back in the bus. He continued to stand over me to ask if I needed help with my seatbelt, which I also said no thanks to as I put it on. While he isn't the first driver to do this, in hindsight his hovering seemed even more annoying because of how the trip ended. As we were getting to my drop off he said he'd help me off, which I declined and said I was trained and used to traveling myself, although he made a statement rather than ask a question. He asked if I was sure, I said yes I was, then when we stopped he said again he'd help me and got out of the bus. I just walked off and got inside without him, since obviously my own words about my skills and how I needed to be helped weren't being taken seriously. 
More recently on one of these trips with a blind friend, I told the driver several times we weren't in need of assistance in a polite way, but I think she could tell several times in I was getting a bit annoyed. She apologized and said it's a habit she does to everybody. In the moment I didn't know what to say to her and just wanted to get off the bus, so I stayed quiet. In my experience around Dayton, the older folks taking para-transit often accept help from drivers with boarding and seatbelt stuff, and it seems to decrease the younger the rider is. I can't help thinking people who have had disability training/whatever they call it should have learned not everyone needs or wants help, or the same amount of help. It's so frustrating to be not taken at your word about your own life experience. My jury is still out on why we'd conceivably lie about blindness not being terrible/not needing assistance, but ignorance and stereotypes make it seem like common sense and logic go out the window when talking to a person with a disability. 

Kaiti Shelton

> On Jan 25, 2017, at 8:47 AM, Deanna Lewis via Ohio-Talk <ohio-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Deborah,
> It's great to see a post from you! How is your recovery going? Please send us an update when you can.
> Deanna 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Ohio-Talk [mailto:ohio-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Deborah Kendrick via Ohio-Talk
> Sent: Tuesday, January 24, 2017 1:09 PM
> To: 'NFB of Ohio Announcement and Discussion List'
> Cc: Deborah Kendrick
> Subject: Re: [Ohio-talk] DON'T YOU JUST HATE THIS!
> 
> Dear JW,
> Several years ago, I interviewed and wrote a story about a brilliant man who happened to be both blind and of Japanese-American descent.  He told me that, although his wife and children all experienced some discrimination or misunderstanding due to being Asian, in his case, the blindness was always first.  Blind first, Asian second.
> 
> That seems to be the case no matter what other characteristics we may have.
> As you may know, I had a terrible accident and have been in a wheelchair for eight weeks.  I am experiencing the same thing in this instance.  Physical therapists come and all I want to do is work on exercises that will strengthen my leg, my core, my whole body, build flexibility, and make me as ready as can be for learning to walk again.
> Inevitably, what they see is blindness.  They assume that my life consists of sitting here in this chair waiting for them to show up.  They routinely ask how much I can see -- finding the answer of zero unfathomable.  Today, I learnted that a woman who has been here four times had been signing her tablet for me to prove that she was here because she was afraid to ask the blind woman if she could sign her  name.
> 
> Every day, I give thanks that, for so many years, I have been only blind, so much more navigable are its challenges than not being able to stand or walk.
> 
> And yet, blindness consistently overshadows any other difference in the eyes of the uninformed.  
> Thanks for sharing your story.  It makes me feel less alone.  And thanks for listening to mine!
> 
> Peace,
> Deborah
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Ohio-Talk [mailto:ohio-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Smith, JW via Ohio-Talk
> Sent: Tuesday, January 24, 2017 11:44 AM
> To: NFB of Ohio Announcement and Discussion List (ohio-talk at nfbnet.org)
> Cc: Smith, JW
> Subject: [Ohio-talk] DON'T YOU JUST HATE THIS!
> 
> After my visit to my doctor yesterday, I was sitting in the reception area waiting for my ride and a gentleman asked me if I was blind and after I confirmed his suspicions, he told me just how sorry he was that I was blind at least 5 times in about 7 minutes!
> 
> No matter how many times I told him that life was good and that he should not feel that way he kept on saying it.
> 
> Needless to say, I was not unhappy when he was called for his appointment before my ride came for me.
> 
> I don't know about you but I get so tired of these kind of exchanges and interactions and they seem to happen when my patience is fairly low!
> 
> Oh well, there are none so blind as those that will not see or who refuse to understand that one can have a productive and satisfying life even without physical sight.
> 
> GOOD GOD!
> 
> Jw
> 
> Dr. jw Smith
> School of Communication Studies
> Scripps College of Communication
> Schoonover Center, Rm. 427
> Athens, OH 45701
> smithj at ohio.edu<mailto:smithj at ohio.edu>
> T: 740-593-4838
> 
> 
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