[Ohio-talk] Here is an article that I had to share --The Bank Let Her Check Bounce,

[Wanda Sloan]

This is so funny.  Gotta give it o you girl.  LOL

-----Original Message-----
From: Ohio-Talk [mailto:ohio-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Suzanne
Turner via Ohio-Talk
Sent: Sunday, August 12, 2018 8:05 PM
To: 'NFB of Ohio Announcement and Discussion List' <ohio-talk at nfbnet.org>;
suzanne.turner at MedMutual.com; wturner at clevelandsightcenter.org;
Leeth123 at roadrunner.com; 'Octavia Ealy' <octaviaculbert at live.com>;
Slkrems at yahoo.com; 'NFBOH-Cleveland' <nfboh-cleveland-bounces at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Suzanne Turner <smturner.234 at gmail.com>
Subject: [Ohio-talk] Here is an article that I had to share --The Bank Let
Her Check Bounce, 

Published on Jul 31, 2018

 

The Bank Let Her Check Bounce, So The Grandma Wrote This Letter. Her Answer
Is Brilliant!

This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86-year-old woman. It
was so amusing that the bank's manager decided to have it published in the
New York Times.

 

"Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, 3 nanoseconds
must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my
account of the funds needed to honor it.. 

 

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension,
an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only 8 years. You are
to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for
debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to
your bank. 

 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me
to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
answer your telephone calls and letters, - when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity
which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal
with a flesh-and-blood person My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore
and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by
check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank
whom you must nominate. 

 

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to
open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I
require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages,
but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alternative. 

 

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will
issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings
with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.

 

Let me level the playing field even further. 

When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS
THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH #1. To make an appointment to see me #2. To
query a missing payment. #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case
I am there. # 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. #6.
To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. #7. To leave a
message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized
Contact mentioned earlier. #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact
will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service. #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this
may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must
also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New
Year? Your Humble Client And remember: Do not make old people mad. We do not
like being old in the first place, so it does not take much to us off."

 

 

 

 

 

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