[Ohio-Talk] Here is an article from Ask Miss Whozit, from Bruised but Still Trying

Sun Nov 24 05:04:20 UTC 2019

Ohio,

Today, I was hit with an activity that my adult daughter did and I could not
believe it. Although she knows that I am blind, she left a McDonald's cup
filled with soda on my counter directly close to my computer. Luckily, I
found it prior to turning it over. So, I went to the NFB website and found
an article that Miss Whozit wrote similar to my feelings. She knows better,
but I wanted to pass this along if others are dealing with similar accounts.
I thought that I was done with her; as I am working with my grandchildren to
take ownership and be aware that I can not see when they do certain things.

Here it is!

Suzanne

///

Ask Miss Whozit

>From the Editor: In recent years Miss Whozit has answered reader questions
about etiquette and good manners, particularly as they involve blindness. 

Dear Miss Whozit,

I have been legally blind for just under five years. I need your advice to
decide how much it is reasonable for me to ask my family to modify their way
of life now that I can't see the messes they leave around the house.

I have read Federation literature and am very encouraged about our attitudes
about independence and normality, and I certainly don't want to use
blindness as an excuse, but I am having trouble with some things that my
kids do. Since my diagnosis my husband has gotten better at closing drawers
and cupboard doors-he is certainly better than he was when I could see to
close them and avoid walking into their corners. I guess I should have taken
a stronger stand on such things when the children were little because when
the kids come home for visits from college and their jobs, they are making
my life miserable. 

Not only do they leave doors half open, they leave their not-quite-empty
soda cans on the coffee and end tables. Of course I find them the hard way
and then have to clean up the spills that result. I have asked them to close
drawers and clean up after themselves, not to mention removing their shoes
and coats from the living room floor, but they apparently can't be bothered.
I don't want to spend their visits complaining and nagging, but I also don't
want to spend them cleaning up messes and applying ice to my bruises. Please
help me decide what is fair to ask others to do and chart a reasonable
course in my home.

Bruised but Still Trying

Dear Bruised,

Miss Whozit commends you for your impulse to avoid using blindness as an
excuse for insisting that the world be remade for your convenience. She
merely wishes to enquire with all due respect, whose house is it anyway? A
good deal of negotiating territory lies between insisting that every movable
object in your home be returned to its exact location and no furniture
should ever be moved out of its appointed position on the one hand and
allowing members of your family to make your life miserable by disregarding
reasonable requests to be considerate. Your husband can take a hand in
resolving this unfortunate situation if he is willing to do so. When he
observes someone leave a drawer open or sees a soda can in the living room,
he can casually ask the offender to close the drawer or enquire whose can is
on the table and then ask him or her to deal with it appropriately. Mostly
adult children can be pretty lax about maintaining the rules of their
parents' home when they have become used to the trash heaps that most dorm
rooms and first apartments become at their hands. But that is no reason why
they should not be expected to remember the adage: when in Rome, do as the
Romans do.

When you are visiting in someone else's home, Miss Whozit is quite certain
that you try to meet or exceed the owner's standard of neatness. You make
the bed, hang up your towels, tuck away your possessions in public rooms,
and offer to carry glasses and plates to the kitchen. Your children are
becoming visitors in your home, and they should learn to adopt the same
principle. When you are in an unfamiliar space, you would be advised to use
your white cane to check your path and find room doors that are ajar, but
you should not be forced to use the same precautions in your own home. Young
children cannot be expected to pick up their possessions, and blind parents
soon learn to kick the toys aside and pick up the mess frequently, but your
adult children do not have the same excuse for inconveniencing or damaging
you.

Miss Whozit emphatically urges you to establish rules of conduct in your
home that will keep you in control of the space. She then urges you and your
husband to inform your offspring and their friends that those who do not
care to abide by these rules are welcome to spend their vacation time
elsewhere and make brief visits when their behavior can be limited to that
of casual guests. Hold the line by not making exceptions. If your home had
just been painted, you would not allow anyone to write on the walls. If your
husband was allergic to peanuts, you would not allow anyone to bring them
into the house. No one would think you were obsessive if you asked people to
remove their shoes before stepping onto new white carpeting. We all
establish house rules to fit the circumstances of our families. Your
circumstances have changed, and everyone should expect you to adjust the
rules for your own convenience.

Good luck holding the line.

Suzanne Hartfield-Turner, President

NFBOH-Cleveland Chapter

C: (216) 990-6199

P: (641) 715-3900

Ex: 582705

A: PO Box 141077

Cleveland, Ohio 44114

E: President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com
<mailto:President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com> 

Please visit and take a moment to like our Facebook Page!

https://m.facebook.com/NationalFederationOfTheBlindOfOhioClevelandChapter/ 

The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
between blind people and our dreams. You can live the life you want;
blindness is not what holds you back.

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