[stylist] Section of story

[RJ Sandefur]

Jacqueline is thinking back on the conversation. So yes, I'm trying to say 
she is remembering the conversation. RJ
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
To: "NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, November 16, 2008 1:12 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Section of story


> RJ,
> I haven't been on the list long enough to know the whole story, but this 
> one thing confuses me.
> Block quote
> She thought about when she informed Barbra of her
> decision to Join the United States army, Barbra was
> behind her 100 percent.
>
> Block quote end
>
> I don't like "about when."  Is the important thing that she thought about 
> the time that ... or is the important thing that she thought that  Barbara 
> supported her? Does this say what you mean?  "When she told Barbara her 
> decision to join the United States Army, she had been under the impression 
> that she supported her."  I think you're trying to do two things with 
> "about when:" 1. setting up the memory of the conversation and 2. 
> introducing the conflict between her original impression and current 
> impression.  I don't think you need "when" to set up the conversation.
> Donna
>
> -- 
> For my bio & to hear clips from The Last Straw:
> http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>
> Apple I-Tunes
>
> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374
>
> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
> www.padnfb.org
>
>
>
>
>
> rjs059 at peoplepc.com wrote:
>> Guys please give your feed back concerning this section. RJ
>> She knew what was being asked of her, and she had resolved to do her duty 
>> by her country. She thought about when she informed Barbra of her 
>> decision to Join the United States army, Barbra was behind her 100 
>> percent.
>> "Barbra, I've decided to join the Army." Jacqueline said with resolve in 
>> her voice.
>> "Jacqueline, I've told you, that if you were to attend college, or Join 
>> the Military, that I'd stand behind you 100 percent." Barbra Stockton her 
>> opted mother said looking at Jacqueline with love.
>> However, Kay and David fox, despised Jacqueline Sutton because she always 
>> went against the grain. She was what people referred to as a maverick. 
>> She also exposed the Foxes hypocrisy, and so they detested her even more. 
>> However, the straw that broke the camel's back, was when the Foxes 
>> learned of Jacqueline and Luis's relationship and ever since then, the 
>> Foxes were trying to split them up, because they felt Luis needed a 
>> Christian woman and not some one such as Jacqueline. However, even people 
>> in church, were beginning to notice that Jacqueline and Luis were 
>> together, and they supported it, because they knew of Jacqueline's 
>> salvation and that Jacqueline just didn't talk the talk, she walked the 
>> walk, and the foxes were envious of this quality of Jacqueline's. Just 
>> the vary thought of the Foxes Meddling in their relationship made 
>> Jacqueline's blood boil.
>> "Jacqueline, I'm sorry about last night and it'll never happen again!" 
>> Luis said upset, as he sat in his living room.
>> "You need to tell Kay to stop asking me about Lisa. Barbra, made her 
>> wishes known, before she died. I Jacqueline Mari Sutton and not Kay 
>> Elaine Foxx have sole custody of Lisa. Barbra knew she was dieing, when 
>> she adopted Lisa, and she asked the judge if I could have custody of Lisa 
>> upon Barbra's death, and the judge said yes, and that I was a better 
>> alternative, than for Lisa to go back into foster care. Luis, tell your 
>> grandmother to stay out of our affairs!" Jacqueline said firmly, as she 
>> finished wiping Lisa's face with a wash cloth.
>> Jacqueline thought of the day at the river where she and Luis had their 
>> last conversation before he went to Boston, to see his friend Virgil, who 
>> was dying of Cancer. _______________________________________________
>> stylist mailing list
>> stylist at nfbnet.org
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
>> stylist:
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/penatwork%40epix.net
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> E-mail message checked by Spyware Doctor (6.0.0.386)
>> Database version: 5.11130
>> http://www.pctools.com/en/spyware-doctor-antivirus/
>>
>>
>
>
>
>
> E-mail message checked by Spyware Doctor (6.0.0.386)
> Database version: 5.11130
> http://www.pctools.com/en/spyware-doctor-antivirus/
>
> _______________________________________________
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
> stylist:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/rjs59%40hotmail.com
>