[stylist] Section of story

[Donna Hill]

RJ,
I haven't been on the list long enough to know the whole story, but this 
one thing confuses me.
Block quote
She thought about when she informed Barbra of her
decision to Join the United States army, Barbra was
behind her 100 percent.

Block quote end

I don't like "about when."  Is the important thing that she thought 
about the time that ... or is the important thing that she thought that  
Barbara supported her? Does this say what you mean?  "When she told 
Barbara her decision to join the United States Army, she had been under 
the impression that she supported her."  I think you're trying to do two 
things with "about when:" 1. setting up the memory of the conversation 
and 2. introducing the conflict between her original impression and 
current impression.  I don't think you need "when" to set up the 
conversation.
Donna

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rjs059 at peoplepc.com wrote:
> Guys please give your feed back concerning this section. RJ
> She knew what was being asked of her, 
> and she had resolved to do her duty by her country. She 
> thought about when she informed Barbra of her 
> decision to Join the United States army, Barbra was 
> behind her 100 percent.
> "Barbra, I've decided to join the Army." Jacqueline said with resolve in her 
> voice.
> "Jacqueline, I've told you, that if you were to attend college, or Join 
> the Military, that I'd stand behind you 100 percent." Barbra Stockton her 
> opted mother said looking at Jacqueline with love.
> However, Kay and David fox, despised Jacqueline Sutton 
> because she always went against the grain. She was what people 
> referred to as a maverick. She also exposed the Foxes hypocrisy, and 
> so they detested her even more. However, the straw that broke the 
> camel's back, was when the Foxes learned of Jacqueline and Luis's 
> relationship and ever since then, the Foxes were trying to split them 
> up, because they felt Luis needed a Christian woman and not some 
> one such as Jacqueline. However, even people in church, were 
> beginning to notice that Jacqueline and Luis were together, and they 
> supported it, because they knew of Jacqueline's salvation and that 
> Jacqueline just didn't talk the talk, she walked the walk, and the foxes 
> were envious of this quality of Jacqueline's. Just the vary thought of 
> the Foxes Meddling in their relationship made Jacqueline's blood 
> boil.
> "Jacqueline, I'm sorry about last night and it'll never 
> happen again!" Luis said upset, as he sat in his living room.
> "You need to tell Kay to stop asking me about 
> Lisa. Barbra, made her wishes known, before she died. I 
> Jacqueline Mari Sutton and not Kay Elaine Foxx have 
> sole custody of Lisa. Barbra knew she was dieing, when 
> she adopted Lisa, and she asked the judge if I could 
> have custody of Lisa upon Barbra's death, and the 
> judge said yes, and that I was a better alternative, than 
> for Lisa to go back into foster care. Luis, tell your 
> grandmother to stay out of our affairs!" Jacqueline said 
> firmly, as she finished wiping Lisa's face with a wash 
> cloth.
> Jacqueline thought of 
> the day at the river where she and Luis had their 
> last conversation before he went to Boston, to see 
> his friend Virgil, who was dying of Cancer. 
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