[stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

[James Canaday M.A. N6YR]

fred,
please elaborate on your peeve, p e e v e, didn't 
quite understand what you were referring to.  do 
you object to the use of the phrase "exact 
same?"  if so, it is certainly a common 
expression; perhaps the repetition is used simply 
for emphasis in our language.
jc

Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS

At 07:22 PM 10/26/2008, you wrote:
>Hi,
>
>I have a little pet peve.  It seems incorrect to "exact same" or relate
>similar phrases.  It is very common these days.  I recommend either exact or
>same but not both.  It seems redundant.  Others may disagree and I would
>welcome another view.
>
>Warm Writing Regards,
>
>Fred
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf Of LoriStay at aol.com
>Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2008 10:56 PM
>To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
>
>In a message dated 10/25/08 9:37:24 PM, dreamavdb at googlemail.com writes:
>
>
> >
> >   "Paril? I've come to show you how to use a long cane
" Hari Murdag
> > called as he stood listening in front of Paril's tent.  He heard
> > exactly the same snores that he had heard earlier on.  Their was
> > something unnatural  about the noise he was hearing.
> >
>
>Their was... Nope.   Wrong "there."   check your spelling.
>
>Then their was a click
>Same comment.   This should be spelled t h e r e
>
>  Then their(that is, t h e r e) was a click a whirring noise and the snores
>started up again.
>Put a comma after click.   Or use the word "and"
>
>(A click and a whirring noise)
>
>
>   How could he have been taken in so easily.
>Need question mark here rather than a period.
>
>
>  After all he'd once played the same trick himself.
>comma after the word "all"
>
>
>"Paril!" he called into the desert air around him.   Not really
>expecting a response.
>There's that sentence fragment again.   Try a comma after the word "him,"
>and
>make the second sentence into a dependent clause.
>
>Sometimes people dislike my editing their work without mentioning that I do
>this all the time (for those who do ask for it).   Let me know your
>thoughts.
>Lori
>
>
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