[stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
Fred Wurtzel
f.wurtzel at comcast.net
Mon Oct 27 19:03:02 UTC 2008
Hi Judith,
I agree. Dialog must be in character with the character. If poor grammar
is consistent with the character, use it without apology.
Warmest Regards,
Fred
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Judith Bron
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 2:41 PM
To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
When writing dialogue keep in mind the ages, cultures or other
characteristics of the characters who are talking. Don't try to make a
teenager a thirty year old. Doesn't work if you are trying to make your
character real. If the character is created in a fantasy world, you should
make them speakk like fluent English speakers unless they are in a different
culture. The objective should always be to make your writing easy to read
for the English speaker. Judith
----- Original Message -----
From: "Fred Wurtzel" <f.wurtzel at comcast.net>
To: "'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 12:53 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
> Hello,
>
> Well, if it is dialog and the speaker uses poor English, then it is fine.
> If the writer is trying to use good English, then it is an error to use
> redundant words.
>
> To me, we, as writers, need to stand up for proper usage. Language is
> certainly a fluid thing. However, if we are aspiring to be successful, we
> ought to acknowledge the generally accepted rules. We can break the rules
> purposely to prove a point, but we need to do it consciously and in a
> context.
>
> I am not trying to be argumentative. I simply want our group needs to
> exhibit the most professional writing possible. Please don't take that
> as
> meaning you or anyone is unprofessional, only trying to set the bar for
> all
> of us, me included.
>
> Warmest Regards,
>
> Fred
>
> Certainly, this post may sound -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Angela fowler
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 10:02 AM
> To: 'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
> Good point, Judith.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Judith Bron
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 5:28 AM
> To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
> All of the things you are arguing about is called "The vernacular." Want
> to
> fight it? Want to go back to English before any of the commonly used
> phrases or words became popular? Come on guys! (I hope I'm not offending
> women by using the word guys, it's just a colloquialism) There's a lot in
> the English language that could be called redundant, contradictory or
> words
> whose spellings don't make sense. But it's English! The official
> language
> of the US! Don't like it? I'd say move to England but their language is
> even more messed up. A diaper over there is a nappy, a flashlight is a
> torch and the trunk of a car is a boot. Now, will a purist try to
> straighten out this language? Judith
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Angela fowler" <fowlers at syix.com>
> To: "'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, October 26, 2008 11:32 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
>
>> We use the phrase "the exact same thing" to emphasize the fact that
>> two things are no different from each other. If that's what you're
>> objecting too, Fred, how would you have us better phrase it? To say
>> "it's the exact thing" doesn't sound right, and to just say "That's
>> the same thing," lacks the authority of "the exact same thing."
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On Behalf Of James Canaday M.A. N6YR
>> Sent: Sunday, October 26, 2008 8:10 PM
>> To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>>
>> fred,
>> please elaborate on your peeve, p e e v e, didn't quite understand
>> what you were referring to. do you object to the use of the phrase
>> "exact same?"
>> if
>> so, it is certainly a common expression; perhaps the repetition is
>> used simply for emphasis in our language.
>> jc
>>
>> Jim Canaday M.A.
>> Lawrence, KS
>>
>> At 07:22 PM 10/26/2008, you wrote:
>>>Hi,
>>>
>>>I have a little pet peve. It seems incorrect to "exact same" or
>>>relate similar phrases. It is very common these days. I recommend
>>>either exact or same but not both. It seems redundant. Others may
>>>disagree and I would welcome another view.
>>>
>>>Warm Writing Regards,
>>>
>>>Fred
>>>
>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>On Behalf Of LoriStay at aol.com
>>>Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2008 10:56 PM
>>>To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>>>
>>>
>>>In a message dated 10/25/08 9:37:24 PM, dreamavdb at googlemail.com writes:
>>>
>>>
>>> >
>>> > "Paril? I've come to show you how to use a long cane." Hari
>>> > Murdag called as he stood listening in front of Paril's tent. He
>>> > heard exactly the same snores that he had heard earlier on. Their
>>> > was something unnatural about the noise he was hearing.
>>> >
>>>
>>>Their was... Nope. Wrong "there." check your spelling.
>>>
>>>Then their was a click
>>>Same comment. This should be spelled t h e r e
>>>
>>> Then their(that is, t h e r e) was a click a whirring noise and the
>>>snores started up again.
>>>Put a comma after click. Or use the word "and"
>>>
>>>(A click and a whirring noise)
>>>
>>>
>>> How could he have been taken in so easily.
>>>Need question mark here rather than a period.
>>>
>>>
>>> After all he'd once played the same trick himself.
>>>comma after the word "all"
>>>
>>>
>>>"Paril!" he called into the desert air around him. Not really
>>>expecting a response.
>>>There's that sentence fragment again. Try a comma after the word "him,"
>>>and
>>>make the second sentence into a dependent clause.
>>>
>>>Sometimes people dislike my editing their work without mentioning that
>>>I do
>>>this all the time (for those who do ask for it). Let me know your
>>>thoughts.
>>>Lori
>>>
>>>
>>>**************
>>>Play online games for FREE at Games.com! All of your favorites, no
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>>>r=
>>>http://www.games.com?ncid=emlcntusgame00000001)
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>>
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