[stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

Mon Oct 27 19:03:02 UTC 2008

Hi Judith,

I agree.  Dialog must be in character with the character.  If poor grammar
is consistent with the character, use it  without apology.

Warmest Regards,

Fred

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Judith Bron
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 2:41 PM
To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

When writing dialogue keep in mind the ages, cultures or other 
characteristics of the characters who are talking.  Don't try to make a 
teenager a thirty year old.  Doesn't work if you are trying to make your 
character real.  If the character is created in a fantasy world, you should 
make them speakk like fluent English speakers unless they are in a different

culture.  The objective should always be to make your writing easy to read 
for the English speaker.  Judith
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Fred Wurtzel" <f.wurtzel at comcast.net>
To: "'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 12:53 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

> Hello,
>
> Well, if it is dialog and the speaker uses poor English, then it is fine.
> If the writer is trying to use good English, then it is an error to use
> redundant words.
>
> To me, we, as writers, need to stand up for proper usage.  Language is
> certainly a fluid thing.  However, if we are aspiring to be successful, we
> ought to acknowledge the generally accepted rules.  We can break the rules
> purposely to prove a point, but we need to do it consciously and in a
> context.
>
> I am not trying to be argumentative.  I simply want our group needs to
> exhibit the most professional writing possible.  Please  don't take that 
> as
> meaning you or anyone is unprofessional, only trying to set the bar for 
> all
> of us, me included.
>
> Warmest Regards,
>
> Fred
>
> Certainly, this post may sound -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Angela fowler
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 10:02 AM
> To: 'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
> Good point, Judith.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Judith Bron
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 5:28 AM
> To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
> All of the things you are arguing about is called "The vernacular."  Want 
> to
> fight it?  Want to go back to English before any of the commonly used
> phrases or words became popular?  Come on guys!  (I hope I'm not offending
> women by using the word guys, it's just a colloquialism)  There's a lot in
> the English language that could be called redundant, contradictory or 
> words
> whose spellings don't make sense.  But it's English!  The official 
> language
> of the US!  Don't like it?  I'd say move to England but their language is
> even more messed up.  A diaper over there is a nappy, a flashlight is a
> torch and the trunk of a car is a boot.  Now, will a  purist try to
> straighten out this language?  Judith
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Angela fowler" <fowlers at syix.com>
> To: "'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, October 26, 2008 11:32 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
>
>> We use the phrase "the exact same thing" to emphasize the fact that
>> two things are no different from each other. If that's what you're
>> objecting too, Fred, how would you have us better phrase it? To say
>> "it's the exact thing" doesn't sound right, and to just say "That's
>> the same thing," lacks the authority of "the exact same thing."
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On Behalf Of James Canaday M.A. N6YR
>> Sent: Sunday, October 26, 2008 8:10 PM
>> To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>>
>> fred,
>> please elaborate on your peeve, p e e v e, didn't quite understand
>> what you were referring to.  do you object to the use of the phrase
>> "exact same?"
>> if
>> so, it is certainly a common expression; perhaps the repetition is
>> used simply for emphasis in our language.
>> jc
>>
>> Jim Canaday M.A.
>> Lawrence, KS
>>
>> At 07:22 PM 10/26/2008, you wrote:
>>>Hi,
>>>
>>>I have a little pet peve.  It seems incorrect to "exact same" or
>>>relate similar phrases.  It is very common these days.  I recommend
>>>either exact or same but not both.  It seems redundant.  Others may
>>>disagree and I would welcome another view.
>>>
>>>Warm Writing Regards,
>>>
>>>Fred
>>>
>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>On Behalf Of LoriStay at aol.com
>>>Sent: Saturday, October 25, 2008 10:56 PM
>>>To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>>>
>>>
>>>In a message dated 10/25/08 9:37:24 PM, dreamavdb at googlemail.com writes:
>>>
>>>
>>> >
>>> >   "Paril? I've come to show you how to use a long cane." Hari
>>> > Murdag called as he stood listening in front of Paril's tent.  He
>>> > heard exactly the same snores that he had heard earlier on.  Their
>>> > was something unnatural  about the noise he was hearing.
>>> >
>>>
>>>Their was... Nope.   Wrong "there."   check your spelling.
>>>
>>>Then their was a click
>>>Same comment.   This should be spelled t h e r e
>>>
>>>  Then their(that is, t h e r e) was a click a whirring noise and the
>>>snores started up again.
>>>Put a comma after click.   Or use the word "and"
>>>
>>>(A click and a whirring noise)
>>>
>>>
>>>   How could he have been taken in so easily.
>>>Need question mark here rather than a period.
>>>
>>>
>>>  After all he'd once played the same trick himself.
>>>comma after the word "all"
>>>
>>>
>>>"Paril!" he called into the desert air around him.   Not really
>>>expecting a response.
>>>There's that sentence fragment again.   Try a comma after the word "him,"
>>>and
>>>make the second sentence into a dependent clause.
>>>
>>>Sometimes people dislike my editing their work without mentioning that
>>>I do
>>>this all the time (for those who do ask for it).   Let me know your
>>>thoughts.
>>>Lori
>>>
>>>
>>>**************
>>>Play online games for FREE at Games.com! All of your favorites, no
>>>registration required and great graphics - check it out!
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>>>r=
>>>http://www.games.com?ncid=emlcntusgame00000001)
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>>
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