[stylist] having obviously different eyes

Mon Feb 16 22:43:58 UTC 2009

kasondra and Barbara,
one result of my experiences with my eyes, and being the object of 
girls' revulsion was I carried a lot of anger toward girls my own age.

I imagine you found some emotional relief having the prosthetics, 
both of you.

barb,
it does feel good to get those comments, but for me that was only 
after I had accepted them myself.

having such eyes really sets you apart, gives you you very different 
experiences.

now, I can't imagine going back to having deformed eyes.  people tell 
me I am perhaps handsome, but after having deformed eyes such 
comments go in one ear and out the other.  I know consciously that 
the occularist did a really good job making these eyes.  but the 
experience of twenty-five years with obviously deformed eyes  makes 
my first reaction to be a bit shy and to consider my appearance as 
poorer than others.
jc

Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS

At 11:07 AM 2/16/2009, you wrote:

>I was born with cataracts in both eyes.  The cataract in my right 
>eye was removed when I was a baby, I developed glaucoma in that eye 
>some years later.  The cataract in my left eye was removed when I 
>was thirteen, and I had some sight in both eyes for the next year 
>and a half.  My retina in my right eye detached during my freshman 
>year of high school after a surgery to control the pressure.  Later, 
>an inflammation invaded the remaining eye, and caused a lot of pain 
>and havoc.
>
>At about that time, a young man named Shawn entered my life.  We had 
>met in church several years before, but we hated each 
>other.  Finally we decided that the other was worth a second 
>look.  Even though we were too young to date, he was my closest 
>friend, and he attended Church dances and activities just to be with 
>me.  He understood how I had been teased and left out because he had 
>got it too because he was overweight.  He is one of the few people 
>who knows what I looked like before I got my prosthetic shell over 
>the emploded mess of my right eye.
>
>Shawn and I dated during most of high school.  We drifted apart, and 
>we didn't see each other for four and a half years.  I dated others, 
>but they weren't right.  I had believed as a teenager that Shawn was 
>the right one for me.
>
>I thank God that he brought us back together in January of 1999.  We 
>were married on July 17, 1999.  Shawn has always accepted my 
>blindness, and he joined the NFB before we got married.  Shawn is 
>sighted, and sometimes he has become the default driver for events, 
>and he is always willing to help.  He has learned Braille and had 
>cane travel lessons.  Two of our children are blind,  and he has 
>been right there wit me to make sure that they have the education 
>and skills they need.
>
>Yes, my eyes look different.  Sighted people think my right eye is 
>real, and they do not believe that it is fake--until I pop it out 
>and show them.  I am so thankful that I have a sweet man by my side 
>who accepts me no matter how my eyes look!
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: James Canaday M.A. N6YR <n6yr at sunflower.com>
>Sent: Sunday, February 15, 2009 7:04 PM
>To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>Subject: [stylist] having obviously different eyes
>
>
>  I'd posted this under the thoughtprovoker-love, and thought I'd
>  repost on its own topic in case anybody wants to discuss this.  I
>  found and fixed some typos, too.
>  I understand what you express about your eyes, I understand it first-hand.
>  I was born with a half dozen eye deformities, some of which weren't
>  supposed to occur in the same eyes.  the miracle was I had some
>  limited left eye vision
>  until I was thirteen when a generalized inflamation whiped out my
>  retinas in the seeing and unseeing eyes.  so, besides the
>  deformities, my eyes then  always looked
>  perminently bloodshot.  one eye was smaller than the other.
>
>  I could never ever even think of getting a date in high school.  many
>  times on the high school campus I would first become aware of one or
>  more girls staring
>  at me because I would hear "eewwwwww!"  I did go to the Prom, a third
>  party arranged for me to go with a Japanese girl who had braces.  I
>  don't think she
>  was happy to go with me but she did.  we had no relationship after that.
>  when I was twenty-five, the scarring from that general inflamation
>  was calcifying, hardening, and one of my birth defects was
>  glaucoma.  put these two together
>  and you get very painful eyes.
>
>  so, mine were removed.  the eyes I have now made by the occularist
>  are quite nice and people really like them.  they absolutely cannot
>  tell they are prosthetics.
>
>  yes, sighted women love to look in their men's eyes, especially at
>  special moments.  but there are women who are of a deeper disposition
>  who will see your
>  heart, and if you have a good character, they will find that very
>  attractive Justin.
>
>  having deformed eyes is hard, I won't lie to you about that.  but
>  there are other things in life.  and the really good women won't be
>  put off by deformed
>  eyes.
>
>  ---
>  to add, after the removal of my eyes, it took me some months  to
>  adjust to having prosthetics.  that was hard too.  it felt strange,
>  though my ugly deformed eyes were gone I had to learn to use the
>  prosthetics and to have them as part of my appearance and who I am.
>
>  jc
>
>  Jim Canaday M.A.
>  Lawrence, KS
>
>
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