[stylist] Need feedback. Do you find yourself absorbed in this?

[James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR]

oh,
hey Judith, I meant it seemed like somebody else 
was pressuring her about the ten pounds was what 
I kinda inferred from the text.  I've read it 
better tonight and just sent you a lengthy response.
is chavy short, then ten pounds would show more than if she's six foot one.

I see how the ten pounds figures in regarding the 
clothes and you handled that extremely well I thought.

however, I was a teen aged boy, and Yigal is drawn quite well.
jc
Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS

At 06:39 PM 10/31/2009, you wrote:
>JC, you were never a teenage girl.  Ten pounds 
>to a teenage girl is like 20 pounds for an 
>adult.  Been there, lost that and put it back 
>on.  I'll go over it again and try to define the 
>words better within the context.  Judith
>----- Original Message ----- From: "James H. 
>"Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com>
>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Friday, October 30, 2009 5:51 PM
>Subject: Re: [stylist] Need feedback. Do you find yourself absorbed in this?
>
>
>Judith,
>it is engaging and easy to get involved with the
>characters.  however, if you want nonjewish
>readers to appreciate it, please add in some
>explanations of some of the words and concepts as they occur.
>had to lose ten pounds?  sounds like someone is
>an excessive perfectionist if they're obsessing over that.
>jc
>Jim Canaday M.A.
>Lawrence, KS
>
>At 03:33 PM 10/30/2009, you wrote:
>>Thanks, Barbara.  In your opinion which family 
>>is "more typical"?  From what you said one 
>>family is not as warm or comfortable as the 
>>other.  I'm curious.  It's a good thing for me 
>>to go back and look at.  As for the 
>>definitions, I try to describe the foreign 
>>words with one word definitions within the 
>>text, but I have a complete glossary at the end of the book. Thanks Again!
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Friday, October 30, 2009 4:05 PM
>>Subject: Re: [stylist] Need feedback. Do you find yourself absorbed in this?
>>
>>
>>For me the hook is that Chavy and Pessi are sixteen-year-old girls. Sixteen
>>is such a fun age--just like four, eight and twelve.  It's an age when you
>>can be very grown up like these two girls or very immature.  I like the
>>contrasting families.  One is very loving and the other is unfortunately
>>more typical of families today.  What is it that makes Chavy be such a kind
>>girl?  That's what would make me want to read.
>>Do you define the Hebrew words in the first chapter?  You can sort of pick
>>it up throught context but it just feels better to me to really know.
>>I like it.
>>Barbara
>>
>>Snow is God's way of reminding us that beauty can be found even in the
>>coldest hearts.
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------
>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>Sent: Friday, October 30, 2009 12:03 PM
>>To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Subject: [stylist] Need feedback.  Do you find yourself absorbed in this?
>>
>>>Here's a sample chapter from my novel, "The 
>>>Letter."  I need to know if the reader finds 
>>>themselves becoming absorbed in it.  Can you 
>>>identify a hook in it?  Thanks!  Judith
>>>
>>>CHAPTER Two
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The Same morning in Jenna, New York
>>>
>>>On this overcast morning Pessi quietly came up 
>>>behind two schoolmates after Sabbath 
>>>services.  She heard Miriam say to Ruthie, 
>>>"Can you believe she goes in public looking so 
>>>disgusting?  Her coat is a reject from a 
>>>charity sale.  Those shoes haven't been seen 
>>>since the Revolutionary War! Her hair is a 
>>>nesting place for rats with bad 
>>>taste.  Nothing in the coatroom stood out like 
>>>the moth holes in her coat!  Gross!  I hear 
>>>she has a family, but no one with any self-respect has claimed her.
>>>
>>>"Oh well, I have to get home.  Rabbi Goldberg 
>>>is speaking this afternoon. Want to go?"
>>>
>>>Ruthy stopped laughing to answer her friend. 
>>>"Sure.  Everyone goes to hear Rabbi Goldberg."
>>>
>>>"Great.  I'll pick you up after lunch."
>>>
>>>Engrossed in their conversation Pessi didn't 
>>>think Ruthy and Miriam noticed her.  Pessi had 
>>>to smile at their creative comments.  She knew 
>>>very well how she looked, but circumstances 
>>>did this to a person.  Could girls like Ruthy 
>>>and Miriam ever understand there were more 
>>>important things in a girl's life than clothes and beauticians?
>>>
>>>Under the overcast November sky Chavy Levy 
>>>headed home from the synagogue her parents 
>>>attended for years.  The most popular girl in 
>>>her class, Chavy had only three problems.  She 
>>>had to lose 10 pounds, her older brother Yigal 
>>>had to be the most obnoxious person in the 
>>>world to live with, and she hated math.  She 
>>>couldn't figure out why she had to be in a 
>>>class which had nothing to do with her 
>>>future.  She had no idea what she would be 
>>>doing after graduation, but becoming a math 
>>>teacher wasn't an option! Still, she had to 
>>>pass or her parents would have a fit.  While 
>>>strolling along on this Shabbos morning she 
>>>admired her surroundings where the men wore 
>>>traditional hats and younger boys donned 
>>>skullcaps appropriate for children.  Chavy 
>>>tossed her shining brown hair over her 
>>>shoulder, and gave her attention to the 
>>>passers by. Women walked with husbands, 
>>>children or with friends. All wore clothing 
>>>reflecting the special day.  This afternoon 
>>>Chavy and her friends planned to go to the 
>>>B'nos group or club for girls which met every 
>>>Shabbos afternoon to hear Rabbi Goldberg, the 
>>>most popular lecturer in the series.  Chavy 
>>>honestly believed her class to be the 
>>>greatest.  They all got along while having a 
>>>ball working together except for Pessi Goldberg who didn't talk to anyone.
>>>
>>>At home her mother met her with the 
>>>traditional Sabbath greeting.  "Good Shabbos, Chavy."
>>>
>>>"Good Shabbos, Mommy.  What can I do to help?"
>>>
>>>"Can you finish this salad so I can get dressed?"
>>>
>>>After entering her house Pessi greeted her 
>>>mother who had remarked that morning, "Pessi, 
>>>you have to become involved with the girls at 
>>>school.  I know many of their mothers, and they are wonderful people."
>>>
>>>Pessi told her, "Some of them are probably 
>>>very nice and the rest are not my type.  I 
>>>have the right to be alone if this is the way I choose to live my life."
>>>
>>>Her mother rebuked, "It isn't normal for a 
>>>sixteen year old girl to exist only for 
>>>homework and her family.  You are a beautiful 
>>>girl with a lot to offer others.  You must 
>>>make an effort to make friends with the girls 
>>>at school.  Now you have to get to Shul.  Do 
>>>you want to put your hair in a bun?"
>>>
>>>"Mommy, I've told you before my hair is too 
>>>thick for a bun.  One of these days I'll get it cut."
>>>
>>>"Pessi, all I'm asking you to do is try."
>>>
>>>"Good Shabbos, Mommy." She had put on her ugly 
>>>coat and headed for her father's 
>>>synagogue.  She would ignore her mother's 
>>>prodding.  She preferred being alone and running her life her way.
>>>
>>>Mrs. Levy returned to the kitchen where her 
>>>daughter stood finishing the salad.  A few 
>>>minutes later   the family sat down to their Shabbos meal.
>>>
>>>The legendary arguments between Chavy and her 
>>>brother Yigal started almost immediately.  "Chavy, where's the grape juice?"
>>>
>>>"On the door in the fridge."
>>>
>>>"Why isn't it on the table?  You know I can't 
>>>start my meal without it." Yigal needed the 
>>>drink to say the required prayer over wine or 
>>>grape juice before his Shabbos meal.
>>>
>>>"Go and get it.  The bottle isn't heavy."
>>>
>>>Their father boomed, "I've had enough from the 
>>>two of you!  You can both bring the juice to 
>>>the table."  They glanced at each other before 
>>>getting up.  The Rabbi continued, "When you 
>>>get back I don't want either of you saying a 
>>>word.  Obviously you're not mature enough to talk decently to anyone."
>>>
>>>Done straightening up after the meal Chavy and 
>>>Chumy got ready for B'nos. Yigal told his 
>>>sister, "You better be home for sudat 
>>>shlishit.  You're the only one who can prepare the third Sabbath meal so well."
>>>
>>>"It would serve you right if I couldn't be 
>>>here. Then you'll be forced to make it yourself!"
>>>
>>>"I can't even compliment you without some 
>>>smart answer.  O.K.  Don't come home to make 
>>>your horrid food.  We'll live longer without it!"
>>>
>>>"All right, Yigal.  I won't be here.  I'm sure 
>>>I can find a place where they'll take me in."
>>>
>>>"Don't bet on it, Chavy.  It obviously takes a 
>>>strong person like me to put up with you."
>>>
>>>At the door to the school Chavy heard two 
>>>tenth graders, Miriam and Ruthy, behind 
>>>her.  Miriam said, "Do you think the reject 
>>>with the rat's nest on her head wearing her 
>>>home for displaced moths will show up?"
>>>
>>>Her equally cruel friend answered, "I don't 
>>>think she would have the nerve to socialize 
>>>with civilized society.  B'nos isn't a place for outcasts."
>>>
>>>Chavy's temper flared at the remarks of these 
>>>petty children.  She threw them a dirty 
>>>look.  "Don't you have anything else to talk 
>>>about?  What bothers you about a girl you 
>>>don't know?  Life contains a lot of hard 
>>>lessons.  Someday you're going to find that 
>>>out."  The two girls returned her dirty look 
>>>before going to hang up their coats.
>>>
>>>Chavy entered the school auditorium, already 
>>>half full for the Rabbi's lecture.  To her 
>>>surprise Pessi sat alone in the back.  She saw 
>>>the overgrown hair, ugly shoes, and sad 
>>>eyes.  Chavy wondered about this girl who 
>>>arrived at school just as the bell rang and 
>>>always left when the first dismissal bell 
>>>sounded without a word to anyone.  During 
>>>lunch she sat with her Psalm book saying 
>>>nothing to any of the girls.  Gossips like 
>>>Miriam and Ruthy entertained themselves with 
>>>Pessi Goldberg jokes, but most girls tried to 
>>>get Pessi involved with the mainstream student 
>>>body. When it was obvious they failed, the feeling became pity.
>>>
>>>Now Chavy observed the brunt of jokes by the 
>>>narrow minds, and object of pity for most of 
>>>the girls feeling bewildered.  Well, the 
>>>bewilderment had to stop and once and for all 
>>>she had to make contact with this mysterious 
>>>girl.  She never remembered seeing Pessi 
>>>before on Shabbos.  The contrast between 
>>>Pessi's clothes and the others was 
>>>glaring.  While most girls wore nice Shabbos 
>>>clothes, Pessi wore a simple skirt and sweater 
>>>appropriate for the weekday.  Pessi sat there 
>>>reading the same Psalm book she read all 
>>>week.  She knew the time had come to jump over 
>>>Pessi's self constructed barrier.
>>>
>>>With fortified convictions she approached her 
>>>classmate.  "Good Shabbos, Pessi.  How are you?"
>>>
>>>"Good Shabbos, Chavy.  I'm waiting for Rabbi 
>>>Goldberg.  I need some of the emotional 
>>>support he always gives."  Pessi returned to 
>>>her book, signaling the end of the 
>>>conversation.    Chavy never remembered Pessi 
>>>communicating more than a cursory greeting until now.
>>>
>>>Determined to help her classmate Chavy said, 
>>>"Pessi, come sit with the class."
>>>
>>>Pessi raised her clear blue eyes.  "I have 
>>>nothing in common with those girls.  I'm fine 
>>>right here."  She lowered her eyes to her 
>>>book, again conveying the end of the conversation.
>>>
>>>Though an assertive girl who always managed to 
>>>control any situation she found herself in, 
>>>Chavy felt intimidated by Pessi who exhibited 
>>>a certain inner strength she couldn't 
>>>match.   Baffled, she sat down near the girl, 
>>>trying to think of what she could say to at 
>>>least entice her to join the group.  "Pessi, 
>>>you're a nice girl.  From the way you say 
>>>Tehillim, Psalms, you're also very 
>>>religious.  You have a lot in common with all 
>>>of us, but you don't talk to anyone."
>>>
>>>"My life is different. I have nothing in 
>>>common with any of you."  Pessi returned her attention to her book.
>>>
>>>Chavy stared at the girl absorbed in her Psalm 
>>>book.  Pessi could be very pretty if she had a 
>>>hair cut and wore nicer clothes.  Her eyes 
>>>seemed sad. Witnessing the actions of an 
>>>obvious loner, Chavy wondered what lay under this façade.
>>>
>>>Both girls were sixteen, but Pessi had never 
>>>been to a school social event, a class 
>>>birthday party or some one else's house for Shabbos.
>>>
>>>She had to try one more time.  "Pessi, we want 
>>>to be your friend.  Please come sit with us."
>>>
>>>"Chavy, I don't have time to get involved with 
>>>the girls.  I'm here for the Rabbi's lecture, 
>>>and have to go after he's finished.  I can't stay for refreshments."
>>>
>>>"Pessi, all I'm asking you to do is sit with 
>>>us.  If you want I can go home with you 
>>>afterwards to help you.  I already told my 
>>>brother I'm not coming back to make Sudat 
>>>shlishit for him.  I don't feel like it.  How 
>>>about it?  Come sit with us, stay for 
>>>refreshments, and I'll go back to help you with whatever you have to do."
>>>
>>>In a soft voice she answered, "I don't want to impose."
>>>
>>>The well-rehearsed Chavy immediately shot 
>>>back, "I don't want to go back to my brothers 
>>>today.  I'll go home with you and call my father after Shabbos to pick me up."
>>>
>>>Chavy was good.  Pessi felt herself giving 
>>>in.    She smiled for the first 
>>>time.         "All right, Chavy.  Let's go sit 
>>>with the others."  The two girls reached the 
>>>front of the auditorium just as Rabbi Goldberg 
>>>started towards the podium.  All the girls 
>>>stood respectfully until the Rabbi reached the lectern.
>>>
>>>The audience turned their undivided attention 
>>>to Rabbi Goldberg, but no one turned greater 
>>>concentration to the speaker than Pessi.
>>>
>>>Today the theme of the lecture encompassed the 
>>>difficult things confronted by people, and how 
>>>individuals should perceive challenging 
>>>situations. The Rabbi hoped his message 
>>>wouldn't be transparent to his young audience.
>>>
>>>"If someone isn't well we perceive that as 
>>>unfortunate.  It is terrible to see someone 
>>>suffer with illness.  As Jewish people we're 
>>>told to say Psalms with the hope they 
>>>recover.  But what happens if they don't 
>>>recover?  What happens if we said our 
>>>Tehillim, and they pass away, Heaven forbid, 
>>>anyway?  Should we think our prayers weren't 
>>>answered?  No."  The Rabbi looked straight at 
>>>Pessi. "It has nothing to do with us.  Let me 
>>>try to bring it down to a more comprehensible level.
>>>
>>>"Let's say I bring to one of you high school 
>>>girls a blueprint from the best architect in 
>>>the country.  He has drawn plans for the 
>>>biggest, best building this country has ever 
>>>seen.  You are high school girls and, to the 
>>>best of my knowledge, none of you ever studied architecture."
>>>
>>>The girls giggled and he continued.  "So, I go 
>>>to your desk, put down the drawing and ask 
>>>what you think of it.  What are you supposed 
>>>to say?  You have no idea how to evaluate such 
>>>diagrams."  The girls sat mesmerized by the 
>>>Rabbi's words. "Why are the heating pipes over 
>>>there?  Why are there no windows on that 
>>>wall?  Considering the best architect in the 
>>>country drew the plan wouldn't it make sense 
>>>he knew what he was doing?  The architect knew 
>>>how different forces worked together to make 
>>>the building a viable one.  You see girls, you 
>>>have no right interpreting the architect's 
>>>drawing or expressing an opinion.  Only 
>>>someone of equal stature to the architect has 
>>>that right.  If one of his peers asks why the 
>>>windows are where they are after studying the 
>>>plan he knows what he's talking about, but you 
>>>girls don't.  You don't understand airflow or 
>>>different infrastructures such as plumbing, 
>>>heating, and electric.  You are in no position to judge the architect.
>>>
>>>"The Almighty is the architect of the 
>>>world.  Only He knows if something is good or 
>>>bad.  Because we are not on His level we 
>>>cannot objectively judge what He does.  As 
>>>with the blueprint, we can say the windows 
>>>look better on the left rather than the right, 
>>>but the architect knows about the airflow in 
>>>the building, and how the other 
>>>infrastructures will work together.  We don't 
>>>know architecture or understand the blueprint 
>>>of the world.  But as the customer trusts the 
>>>architect, we trust the Almighty because only He knows what is best."
>>>
>>>Pessi understood the Rabbi's words, and turned 
>>>closer attention to him with tears streaming 
>>>down her face.  Chavy wondered about her reaction.
>>>
>>>  "We can say we're saying Tehillim for the 
>>> sick and, Heaven forbid, they pass 
>>> away.  Weren't our prayers good enough?  We 
>>> know they were, but what the Almighty knows 
>>> is good is not always what we think of as 
>>> acceptable. In the end we don't even know how 
>>> to judge good as it pertains to individual 
>>> situations.  In short, girls, there are no 
>>> answers, but we can just do what we have 
>>> control over.  If someone is sick, and we say 
>>> Tehillim it is right.  Why?  Because it 
>>> certainly won't hurt, and we know it to be a 
>>> great help in any situation.  Is it a 
>>> guarantee?  Certainly not.  There aren't any 
>>> guarantees.  We have to place perfect faith 
>>> in the Almighty because He's our Father in 
>>> heaven, and well aware of the total plan for 
>>> this world.  We know our Father in heaven 
>>> doesn't intentionally hurt his children."
>>>
>>>Chavy noticed the Rabbi speaking directly to 
>>>Pessi who continued crying. She wondered why 
>>>the other kids couldn't see the sparks flying 
>>>between the two.  Chavy didn't wonder why the 
>>>Rabbi addressed Pessi.  Evidently he knew the 
>>>family, and understood whatever haunted this 
>>>girl.  If only Chavy knew the problem perhaps 
>>>there would be something she could do.
>>>
>>>The Rabbi continued, "We know the Almighty 
>>>wants us to do everything with joy because He 
>>>wants us all to be happy as a father wants his 
>>>children to be happy.  Every day we all ask 
>>>for many different things from our Father in 
>>>Heaven as we try our best to please Him as a 
>>>child tries to please a father.  This is the 
>>>reason our lives are spent learning Torah or 
>>>the Five Books of Moses, and performing the 
>>>Mitzvahs, religious obligations, commanded us 
>>>in this precious gift He gave us.  Our 
>>>responsibility is to show our Father we love 
>>>Him as we carry out His commandments with our 
>>>heartfelt joy.  Before I leave I want each of 
>>>you to take your Tehillim book and say two 
>>>Psalms for each of these people who are not 
>>>well. Hopefully, our prayers will be heard and 
>>>these people will be granted a speedy and 
>>>complete recovery."  He read three names using 
>>>the Hebrew name of the person followed by the 
>>>Hebrew name of their mother.  Pessi blinked 
>>>back tears and opened the book.  A short while 
>>>later the Rabbi said, "Good Shabbos, girls" indicating the end of the lecture.
>>>
>>>The girls headed for the lunchroom where a 
>>>beautiful dessert buffet awaited them. 
>>>Standing next to Chavy Pessi said, "I have a 
>>>question for the Rabbi.  Be right back."
>>>
>>>Chavy found herself drawn to the dessert 
>>>buffet, envying all the calories she didn't 
>>>need.  She spotted fruit on the other table 
>>>and reluctantly took a plate of the colorful, but less fattening food.
>>>
>>>Chavy's friend Shayna came up to her with a 
>>>plate stacked with delectable 
>>>goodies.  "Chavy, are you the party 
>>>pooper?  How can you eat fruit with all this 
>>>gorgeous stuff staring you in the face?"
>>>
>>>"Shayna, when most of your clothes don't fit, 
>>>we can open a second-hand store.  Until then 
>>>you can eat your calories and I'll try to like this stuff."
>>>
>>>Shayna laughed, and returned to other friends.
>>>
>>>Chavy glanced at Pessi talking to Rabbi 
>>>Goldberg.  She must have had a simple 
>>>question.  She spent only a minute with the Rabbi before returning to Chavy.
>>>
>>>Pessi picked up a pastry.  "These pastries are great!"
>>>
>>>"You're so skinny you could probably eat the 
>>>whole table and never show it.  I have weight 
>>>to lose so I stick to fruit.  Have some, it's good."
>>>
>>>Pessi laughed, reaching for another pastry.
>>>
>>>"Chavy, I have to go soon.  My mother isn't well."
>>>
>>>"No problem, I can eat only so much fruit."
>>>
>>>In one corner of the room Miriam and Ruthy 
>>>stood with a few of their friends never taking 
>>>their eyes off Pessi Goldberg talking to Chavy 
>>>Levy. Chavy saw them and could only imagine 
>>>the venom they spewed.  She wanted to confront 
>>>them, but turned her attention back to Pessi.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>When they finished eating Pessi and Chavy headed for the coat room.
>>>
>>>Pessi wondered if she was making the right 
>>>move.  How come she decided to leave the 
>>>school with Chavy today?  Was she proving that 
>>>despite her strong resolve she needed 
>>>someone?  Absolutely not!  Probably by Monday 
>>>Chavy would be totally bored with her and both 
>>>of them would return to their own corner of 
>>>the world.  That would be all the proof she 
>>>needed to demonstrate that she didn't need anyone else in her life.
>>>
>>>Pessi lived some distance from the school.  On 
>>>the streets they traveled Chavy didn't see any 
>>>of the sights she associated with Shabbos afternoon in her neighborhood.
>>>
>>>Pessi clung to her pride, still not completely 
>>>sure about letting another girl into her 
>>>life.  Pessi glanced at Chavy's beautiful gray 
>>>wool coat with black velvet collar and 
>>>cuffs.  She remembered how it felt to be 
>>>wearing such a fine garment, but that was in the past.
>>>
>>>Chavy felt Pessi's discomfort.  She tried 
>>>chatting about school activities, upcoming 
>>>tests and the weather.  Pessi wanted to discuss classes and course work.
>>>
>>>Chavy envied the ease with which she discussed 
>>>topics such as math and chemistry.  She still 
>>>believed Trigonometry to be an obscure planet, 
>>>but in her soft voice Pessi discussed it with 
>>>the ease Chavy spoke of her favorite foods.
>>>
>>>Fifteen minutes later they reached Pessi's 
>>>house.  Like others in the neighborhood the 
>>>small, run-down structure appeared as if it 
>>>had seen better days.  Chavy didn't 
>>>care.  Over the years she had been friends 
>>>with girls from the biggest and best homes and 
>>>others from houses like this. She didn't 
>>>choose her friends according to their zip codes.
>>>
>>>The two girls entered Pessi's dingy 
>>>foyer.     Immediately a little boy ran to her 
>>>exclaiming, "Good Shabbos, Pessi!"
>>>
>>>Pessi picked up the child and kissed him. 
>>>"Moshe, did you take care of Mommy?"
>>>
>>>The little boy's expression turned serious. "Mommy read me a book."
>>>
>>>"I'm sure she enjoyed reading to you.  Let's go see her."
>>>
>>>On the sofa in the dining room lay Pessi's 
>>>mother, a gaunt and obviously very ill 
>>>woman.  Pessi gave her mother a kiss before 
>>>stooping to pick up her blanket on the floor. 
>>>She lovingly spread it over her.  "Good 
>>>Shabbos, Mommy.  This is Chavy Levy from 
>>>school.  Tatty said she could come home with me."
>>>
>>>  Seeing Pessi with a friend made Shayna 
>>> Goldberg's spirits soar.  "It's a pleasure to meet you, Chavy.  How are you?"
>>>
>>>Chavy hoped her shock didn't show.  The Rabbi 
>>>was Pessi's father?    She recovered her 
>>>composure and answered, "I'm fine, Mrs. Goldberg.  It's so nice to meet you."
>>>
>>>"How did Tatty's lecture go, Pessi?"
>>>
>>>A bell rang in Chavy's mind.  Whatever was in 
>>>the Rabbi's speech today had been planned to 
>>>address an issue in his daughter's 
>>>life.  Gazing at the emaciated woman on the 
>>>couch Chavy began to understand the message.
>>>
>>>Pessi's eyes darted from her mother to 
>>>Chavy.  "Chavy didn't know my father is Rabbi 
>>>Goldberg.  I never told anyone.  The lecture was one of the best he ever gave."
>>>
>>>"Why did you keep your father's relationship to you a secret?"
>>>
>>>"I feel better being a private person."
>>>
>>>"Even though people know who your father is, 
>>>you can still be a private person.  Could you 
>>>please set out sudat shlishit before Tatty gets home?"
>>>
>>>Pessi chose to ignore her mother's latest 
>>>prelude to a fight.  "Sure. I'll do it now."
>>>
>>>After arriving home Rabbi Goldberg greeted 
>>>their guest before turning to his wife. "Shayna, can I help you to the table?"
>>>
>>>"I would like that, thank you."
>>>
>>>The Rabbi supported his wife the short 
>>>distance from the sofa to the table.  He then 
>>>said, "Everybody can go and wash."
>>>
>>>Moshe brought a bowl and cup of water for his 
>>>mother to ritually wash her hands.  Mrs. 
>>>Goldberg was too weak to wash at the sink with everyone else.
>>>
>>>In the tiny kitchen with doors falling off the 
>>>cabinets Chavy asked Pessi, "Can you come to 
>>>my house after Shabbos if I help you clean up?  My father can pick us up."
>>>
>>>"I'll ask."  Back at the table the Rabbi said 
>>>the blessing on the bread. They all took a 
>>>bite from their roll and Pessi asked, "Tatty, 
>>>Chavy wants to know if I can go to her house after Shabbos.  Can I?"
>>>
>>>Mrs. Goldberg immediately answered, "Go, 
>>>dear.  It's good for you to get out." Chavy 
>>>noticed how quickly the frail woman, barely nibbling on her roll, responded.
>>>
>>>Rabbi Goldberg added, "You can go if you have a ride home."
>>>
>>>"I'll ask my father, but it shouldn't be a problem."
>>>
>>>"In that case I give my permission.  Have a good time."
>>>
>>>Two teenage boys entered the house.  Pessi said, "Those are my brothers."
>>>
>>>Chavy glanced at the boys who were headed for 
>>>the kitchen to wash in preparation for their meal.
>>>
>>>Avi Goldberg heard his father say, "Chavy, 
>>>your father and I are very close friends.  I 
>>>know Rabbi Levy for many years.  How is he?"
>>>
>>>"He's doing well."
>>>
>>>"Please give him my regards."
>>>
>>>Avi Goldberg stifled his own laughter.  So 
>>>Yigal Levy's sister was Pessi's new 
>>>friend.  Why did Pessi pick up such a pain in 
>>>the neck girl?  He heard all the complaints 
>>>from his best friend, Yigal, about his sister.
>>>
>>>After a brief talk by the Rabbi on the week's 
>>>Torah reading Chavy quietly said to Pessi, "I 
>>>didn't know Rabbi Goldberg is your father.  Why did you keep it a secret?"
>>>
>>>Pessi thought about the giant plunge she had 
>>>taken, wondering if she should share anything 
>>>more about her life.  Seeing the sincere 
>>>expression in Chavy's eyes she decided to 
>>>confide more.  "Goldberg is a common name so 
>>>nobody drew the conclusion we're even 
>>>related.  I've heard the nasty comments from 
>>>some of the girls about me and am fully aware 
>>>of the fact that my being related to the Rabbi 
>>>would mean little to them.  No one knows 
>>>except you now.  I'm happy being anonymous."
>>>
>>>The two girls said the blessing after the meal 
>>>before going into the dinette.
>>>
>>>Pessi started in a low voice.  "My mother has 
>>>cancer.  She's getting chemo once a week, but 
>>>her reports aren't good.  We moved to Jenna 
>>>ten months ago to be closer to better 
>>>hospitals.  My father used to have a big 
>>>congregation and good job, but since moving 
>>>here he hasn't been successful.  I wear 
>>>weekday clothes on the Sabbath because my last Shabbos outfit doesn't fit.
>>>
>>>"I didn't want to get close to the girls at 
>>>school.  After taking one look at me they 
>>>didn't want that either.  I desperately need a 
>>>haircut. Brushing the animal nest on my head 
>>>everyday after my shower doesn't make me look 
>>>normal.  I overhear some of the girls 
>>>gossiping about me and the way I look so have 
>>>just worked harder to prove I don't need anyone."
>>>
>>>Chavy listened to Pessi with sympathy.
>>>
>>>"I'm so nervous about my mother that all I do 
>>>is go to school, keep up this house, help my 
>>>mother and family, and pray.  My father gave 
>>>the speech today for me.  I love my mother and 
>>>can't face what is happening. I keep thinking 
>>>if I do more for her she'll get better, but my 
>>>father claims it is out of my hands."
>>>
>>>Chavy never met another sixteen-year- old 
>>>confronting so many challenges. How did she do it?
>>>
>>>"You're the first girl I brought home from 
>>>school since moving to Jenna. My parents 
>>>always say they want me to have friends, but 
>>>I'm ashamed of our situation.  I prefer being 
>>>alone with my problems rather than being the 
>>>object of pity or ridicule.  This issue has 
>>>been a source of conflict between my mother and me."
>>>
>>>"Pessi, if you hung up a few curtains with 
>>>some pictures this place wouldn't be half bad."
>>>
>>>"We can't afford curtains, and don't have any 
>>>pictures.  We had paintings where we lived 
>>>before, but Tatty sold them for Mommy's 
>>>medical care.  The drapes in the old house were custom made so we left them."
>>>
>>>"My mother has a closet full of 
>>>curtains.  Every time she sees a curtain sale 
>>>she replaces ours.  Also, I have some clothes 
>>>I got too fat for. I'll show them to you 
>>>later.  Don't be ashamed.  None of us lives in a palace.
>>>
>>>"Also, there is Chesed at school.  As you know 
>>>this group does community service.  They can 
>>>come and help you out a few times a week.  I 
>>>know the girl in charge of it. I'll discuss it with her tomorrow."
>>>
>>>"Don't talk to her, Chavy.  I'm ashamed.  My 
>>>beautiful mother is so sick and looks terrible."
>>>
>>>"Don't be ashamed.  There's nothing wrong with 
>>>you. When your mother recovers she'll look better."
>>>
>>>Pessi started crying, arousing Chavy's 
>>>concern.  "Pessi, I didn't mean to upset you."
>>>
>>>"The doctors say now Mommy won't get any 
>>>better.  They want to stop her therapy."
>>>
>>>Chavy put an arm around the shoulders of the 
>>>sobbing girl.  From what little she understood 
>>>about cancer she knew that when a doctor said 
>>>a person wouldn't get any better and stopped 
>>>the treatment it didn't mean they expected good news.
>>>
>>>"We all know it's the end.  My mother is happy 
>>>you came over today.  She's been telling me 
>>>for a long time I need to find friends.  I 
>>>tried to ignore it because I have too much to 
>>>do and don't want anyone to know how poor we are."
>>>
>>>"Don't worry about what the others 
>>>think.  Tonight we're going to raid my 
>>>mother's curtain closet.  Do you have any family pictures?"
>>>
>>>"Sure.  We used to take pictures all the time."
>>>
>>>"Great.  Tonight we're going hunting. Tomorrow 
>>>after school we go to work."  They smiled at 
>>>each other.  Pessi had a friend for the first time in ages.
>>>
>>>Pessi had to admit having a confidant to 
>>>support her through this crisis felt 
>>>good.  Her parents had been right.  In spite 
>>>of her strong resolve Pessi did need others to 
>>>help her through this difficult time.
>>>
>>>Chavy called her father after they were done 
>>>cleaning up.  He agreed to pick them up and bring Pessi back later.
>>>
>>>Chavy went to Mrs. Goldberg on her 
>>>sofa.  "Thank you for a wonderful Shabbos, Mrs. Goldberg."
>>>
>>>"The pleasure is all ours, Chavy.  It's 
>>>wonderful to see Pessi with a girl her 
>>>age.  My little one, Suri, is at a friend's 
>>>now, but Pessi is a wonderful girl who stays 
>>>with me to do everything I should be doing 
>>>around here.  I couldn't manage without her."
>>>
>>>"Mommy!  I told you I help you because I love 
>>>you.  Don't make it sound like I'm something 
>>>exceptional when I'm just doing what I want."
>>>
>>>Pessi turned and led the way to the foyer where they waited for Rabbi Levy.
>>>
>>>Back at Chavy's Yigal stood in the kitchen 
>>>with a dishtowel over his arm. He glared at 
>>>his sister.  "I'll get you for this, Chavy 
>>>Levy!  This is cruel and unusual punishment! 
>>>Mommy felt that since my mouth caused you to 
>>>not come right home I deserved this horrible 
>>>fate.  Our dear sister Chumy insisted I 
>>>dry.  It should be illegal to have little sisters!"
>>>
>>>"Yigal, when you find yourself a good wife I'll help you pack your bags."
>>>
>>>Pessi joined the laughter unable to remember 
>>>the last time she laughed from genuine happiness.
>>>
>>>Yigal turned to Chavy's friend.  "Is Avi Goldberg your brother?"
>>>
>>>Surprised, Pessi answered, "Yes.  Do you know him?"
>>>
>>>"Sure.  He's a great guy in my Yeshiva.  I 
>>>tell him about my pain in the neck sister, but 
>>>he says his sister is a doll.  Can you teach my sister to be a doll?"
>>>
>>>"My brothers look at me as a doll because we 
>>>treat each other with respect.  Respect works two ways."
>>>
>>>"Yigal, after you learn from the Goldberg boys 
>>>how to treat a good sister perhaps Pessi can 
>>>teach me a few things.  Until then, cut the complaining."
>>>
>>>Chumy said, "Back to work, Yigal.  Only a few 
>>>dishes to go."  After giving Chavy another 
>>>dirty look   Yigal returned to the kitchen.
>>>
>>>Mrs. Levy came to greet Pessi.  Chavy asked, 
>>>"Mommy, you know all those curtains you have hanging in the closet?"
>>>
>>>"Yes, dear.  Why?"
>>>
>>>"Can we go through them to choose some for Pessi's house?"
>>>
>>>"Sure.  I'm sure Mrs. Goldberg will enjoy them."
>>>
>>>Bassie visited Shayna Goldberg every week 
>>>since the family moved to Jenna and they 
>>>became good friends, but she knew the extent 
>>>of her illness. Last week she confided they 
>>>were stopping treatment.  Everyone knew what that meant.
>>>
>>>Downstairs the girls started going through the 
>>>closet.  In time they came back upstairs with 
>>>curtains and a few paintings.  Mrs. Levy 
>>>approved everything before the two headed upstairs to Chavy's room.
>>>
>>>Chavy smiled at Pessi.  "You're a very pretty 
>>>girl.  All you need is a good haircut.  I cut 
>>>Chumy's and some of my friend's hair all the 
>>>time.  I enjoy doing it and they always come 
>>>out of my bathroom looking great.  Can I do yours?"
>>>
>>>"If it's not too much trouble I'd love it.  I 
>>>can't remember the last time I had a good haircut."
>>>
>>>In the upstairs bathroom Chavy shampooed 
>>>Pessi's thick, luxurious black hair.  She took 
>>>her scissors and began working her 
>>>magic.  Once done she stood behind Pessi 
>>>admiring the image in the mirror.  "Pessi, you 
>>>have the darkest, thickest hair I ever 
>>>saw.  You'll be the envy of every girl in the school."
>>>
>>>"When my hair is properly cut it's my best feature."
>>>
>>>"It isn't your best feature.  Those beautiful 
>>>blue eyes with your dark hair are an unbeatable match."
>>>
>>>Pessi again admired her reflection in the 
>>>mirror.  "This feels great!  I don't know how to thank you."
>>>
>>>"Forget the thanks.  This is my pleasure."
>>>
>>>In the bedroom Chavy took two outfits which no 
>>>longer fit from her closet. "Here are two good 
>>>Shabbos outfits.  If they fit they're 
>>>yours.  Here's a pair of black shoes I 
>>>outgrew.  They're in perfect condition.  Want to try them on?"
>>>
>>>Pessi gazed at the lovely clothing.  Her jaw 
>>>settled into the same stubborn line Chavy 
>>>witnessed earlier. "Chavy, I can't accept this!"
>>>
>>>"Consider it logical closet cleaning.  If I 
>>>hadn't eaten myself into the next size up I'd 
>>>have nothing to offer you.  Do me a favor, try them on."
>>>
>>>Pessi thought about her pride in never 
>>>accepting charity.  "I feel strange accepting 
>>>these beautiful things.  I never took charity before."
>>>
>>>"This isn't charity.  Keeping these clothes in 
>>>the closet hurts me every time I open the door 
>>>to get my uniform.  I don't want to keep 
>>>pushing the hangers that represent the way I used to be."
>>>
>>>Pessi took a long while to make up her 
>>>mind.  How much could she change in one 
>>>day?  Eventually she decided this didn't 
>>>represent charity, but logic. She took off her 
>>>sweater and pulled on the top to a black and 
>>>white outfit that matched the pretty black 
>>>pumps.  The shoes fit perfectly.  Seeing her 
>>>reflection in the mirror she couldn't believe 
>>>the difference.  She hadn't looked this good 
>>>in ages.  She tried on the other gray and pink 
>>>wool outfit which also transformed her into a fashionable young woman.
>>>
>>>Chavy sighed.  "I wish I could be as skinny as you."
>>>
>>>"Don't be silly, Chavy.  You look fine the way you are!"
>>>
>>>"That's very nice of you, but I can read a 
>>>scale.  For now all I can do is find good 
>>>friends to take my beautiful clothes off my hands."
>>>
>>>Pessi sat on one of the beds observing Chavy's 
>>>attractive room with white walls and pretty 
>>>blue plush carpet.  Pictures of Chavy and 
>>>Chumy growing up hung around the room.  She 
>>>turned back to Chavy.  "At first I believed 
>>>that by Monday morning you would have gotten 
>>>sick of me and my problems, and we would have 
>>>both crept back into our own lives.  But I was 
>>>wrong.  I know you aren't turned off at our 
>>>run-down house or my beautiful mother who 
>>>looks awful now.  I knew from the beginning 
>>>you didn't take a look at my inappropriate 
>>>clothes and figure they told my whole story.
>>>
>>>"I'm familiar with most of the girls.  Tatty 
>>>learns the holy books with many of their 
>>>fathers. A lot of their mothers visit mine.
>>>
>>>"If I didn't have to go straight home after 
>>>school, I might be willing to make friends 
>>>with the girls.  My mother has been trying to 
>>>get me to do that.  We argue about it 
>>>constantly. I have the right to run my own 
>>>life, but she feels that I'm too much of a 
>>>loner.   I love her, but this is one topic we 
>>>don't agree on.  I'm just more comfortable being a hermit."
>>>
>>>"Are you really comfortable like that?"
>>>
>>>"I don't know right now.  Let's see how it 
>>>goes.  I can be social with the other girls at 
>>>school, but our relationships will end at the school door."
>>>
>>>Chavy ignored her last statement.  "I want to 
>>>get Chesed to go to help you in the 
>>>house.  You need and deserve it.  I'll just 
>>>say one of your parents isn't well so the 
>>>responsibility for everything is on your shoulders."
>>>
>>>"In spite of our poverty, I'm a proud person 
>>>and never took such generous charity."
>>>
>>>"It's not charity.  Chesed girls go out to 
>>>help people all week long. When getting help 
>>>from our community service group no one has to 
>>>divulge any private information about 
>>>themselves.  They say they need the help for 
>>>one reason or another and we send them girls."
>>>
>>>Pessi remained quiet for a long time.  Chavy 
>>>started to think she was going to refuse her suggestion.
>>>
>>>"I could use the help.  Thank you."  For the 
>>>first time in five years Pessi admitted 
>>>needing anyone.  It shocked her to realize this big step felt mighty good.
>>>
>>>"Tomorrow in school I'll try to be more a part 
>>>of the class.  I'll say my Tehillim, but will 
>>>also try to talk to the other girls."
>>>
>>>"For the fall holidays we attended your 
>>>father's Synagogue.  My mother mentioned our 
>>>fathers were classmates in Yeshiva.  Did you know that?"
>>>
>>>"I know that our fathers know each other, but 
>>>he never told me their relationship dated back to their days in school."
>>>
>>>Mrs. Levy knocked on the door.  "Girls, it's 
>>>late.  Tatty can take Pessi home now."
>>>
>>>"I'll go with you, Pessi."  Chavy helped Pessi 
>>>take everything out to the car.
>>>
>>>At home Pessi's mother lay on her couch and 
>>>her father was studying the Holy books in his 
>>>office.  When she entered the room Mrs. 
>>>Goldberg stared at her in surprise.  "Pessi, 
>>>you're beautiful! You haven't looked this good in years.  Who cut your hair?"
>>>
>>>"Chavy did it.  She cuts her sister Chumy's 
>>>hair all the time.  How do you like it?" She 
>>>turned around to give her mother the full effect.
>>>
>>>"I love it.  You must keep it up.  You have such beautiful hair."
>>>
>>>Her mother's eyes fell on the bags she carried.  "What do you have there?"
>>>
>>>"Mrs. Levy buys curtains every time she sees a 
>>>sale so has lots of them in the basement.  She 
>>>gave me some to try to make this place look 
>>>better. Chavy also gave me a few paintings to spruce it up."
>>>
>>>Shayna sighed.  She hadn't done anything for 
>>>her home in a long time. "I'll get Avi and 
>>>Yitzy to hang up rods and picture hooks tomorrow.  What else do you have?"
>>>
>>>"Chavy gained some weight so doesn't fit into 
>>>a few of her outfits. There's also a pair of 
>>>shoes she outgrew.  I think they're real nice. Look."
>>>
>>>Mrs. Goldberg admired the clothes and shoes. 
>>>"They're all beautiful, Pessi.  You'll look 
>>>gorgeous.  Wear everything well, dear."  Pessi kissed her mother good night.
>>>
>>>Pessi headed to her room leaving Mrs. Goldberg 
>>>stifling her smile until Pessi climbed the 
>>>stairs.  Would Pessi use her friendship with 
>>>Chavy to become involved with other 
>>>girls?  Could Pessi finally realize that she 
>>>was indeed a beautiful, intelligent and fun 
>>>girl?  She knew Pessi had withdrawn from the 
>>>world of other girls because of their poverty 
>>>and her illness.  She would take her guilt to her grave.
>>>_______________________________________________
>>>Writers Division web site:
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